Try Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Almost every cheater deletes their text messages. They say that they are doing this to save space, yet text messages take up so little space relative to the memory of any smart phone, that deleting text messages for this reason does not make any sense. Below is the math to use the next time they try to tell you that they need to delete their texts to save space. Average text message = 160 characters = 160 bytes Average iTune song = 7.6 MB = 7,782,400 bytes 7,782,400/160 = 48,640 average text messages in the same space of an average iTunes song. Since years of text messaging can be stored in the same space as the average space of just a single iTune song, it is ridiculous for anyone to be deleting text messages to save space. If they are telling you that they are deleting text messages for this reason, tell them that you are not buying it. This is not to say that if they delete text messages they are for sure cheating, but if they are texting members of the opposite sex, it is perfectly reasonable to tell them to stop deleting any text messages that they receive, and that deleting texts after this will confirm to you that they are hiding something. If they feel the need to hide it from you, then it is inappropriate. 3
d0nnivain Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 I delete text messages all the time. I have no downloaded songs on my phone. My husband is free to look in my phone any time he wants but he doesn't nor do I look in his. Nobody's cheating. I think the idea of hiding stuff from your partner is more indicative of cheating then deleting messages. 3
RightThere Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Unless they are still using a phone from the 80's, anyone who claims to delete text messages to save space is really doing so to hide the content of the text messages. End of story. 3
MrMeh Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 I delete them because it looks messy to me when my inbox "looks" full. 6
Keenly Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 Now hang on a second. I never cheated with my last Ex. I did, however, delete thousands of text messages between my friends and I. This was because my ex had no concept of personal privacy and would invade my phone as an expectation every time we hung out. I did not want to have to explain every....singlte.... text message and every single "guy talk" moment. I am proof it is not a 100% indicator of cheating. 4
compulsivedancer Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 How do you know if they're deleting texts? I only deleted texts between me and OM, so it wouldn't be obvious unless H knew I was texting him. I also downloaded Whatsapp and talked to him primarily through that, since I didn't have unlimited texting. This is actually why H had a hard time finding evidence at first, although I didn't use Whatsapp for that reason.
TheBladeRunner Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 Unless they are still using a phone from the 80's, anyone who claims to delete text messages to save space is really doing so to hide the content of the text messages. End of story. No, not the end of the story.....not yet. I delete texts as well, she has and always will be like that. I'm not quite that obsessed, I let em' pile up until it gets messy . The thing that was the tell tail for me was the out of the blue over protection of the phone. For about 2 months she was guarding the phone as if it were about to be attacked by a tiger. Also, the screens on the PC monitor would change to a card game whenever I came into the office. Believe it or not she didn't lock the phone out until DDay........I'm sure OM helped her with that.
compulsivedancer Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 Yep, danger zone. I started sleeping with my phone under my pillow and taking it into the bathroom with me, even when I showered. I never locked it, but I turned off text scrolling in lock screen. I might have turned off the text sound, too. Can't remember now. Let's just say that when I replaced my phone, H smashed the old one.
ZMM Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 Unless they are still using a phone from the 80's, anyone who claims to delete text messages to save space is really doing so to hide the content of the text messages. End of story. My last phone, which wasn't a smart phone and was only a few years old, only held 300 texts. So, if you didn't delete them, you could not receive anymore texts. With my new phone, I receive a lot of texts and sometimes I think it bogs down my phone, when that happens I delete all but texts marked as saved.
Fluttershy Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 First, someone might not know text messages take a such a small portion. A lot of people are conpletely clueless. Second, i delete my text messages regularly to keep tidy and If my phone gets too long of ones the messaging app crashes more. If a a person is after DDay they most certainly don't have the privilage of deleteing text messages for a while. That goes against building trust. But if no DDay has occured? I think it is a control freaky thing to think spouses can't clean their phone off. 2
Just_AGuy Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 I have android phone and I can easily delete messages from one contact only. I don't have to delete them all. But yeah, people who delete their messages look very suspicious. 1
Steadfast Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 ...I started sleeping with my phone under my pillow and taking it into the bathroom with me, even when I showered. Those are memories many of us would rather not revisit. I remember the ex doing exactly that like it was yesterday. Once, she misplaced it and wildly accused me of stealing it. I bought the phone and paid the bill. Even then, before I really knew what to do or how to do it, I recall thinking "this is no way to live." In time, I didn't see it as a phone, it was a knife. Only a measure of peace was restored when I told her she didn't have to hide it anymore. I recall well the look on her face when I told her I didn't care what was on her phone or who she was texting. Don't hide, leave. 3
Confused48 Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 My MM deleted all his messages his BS told me when I told her to check his phone. He left his phone hanging around almost like a double bluff. .........But my mm thought the best option was to leave the phone hanging around as my number was not named as he knew it. My WS thought the same way. Told me they were just friends and let me look at it anytime. I suspected there was more to it. Late one night after WS went to bed, using that phone I got the "friend" to think I was WS. Dday.
JamesM Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 I disagree too, because I am the kind who can go either way. I either want a clean phone, or I save everything. I would change this just slightly to say that if your spouse/partner suddenly starts deleting texts when in the past he/she would always save them, then you have a point. However, if your partner always has been the neat freak kind, then deleting texts is like cleaning a desktop. Personally, I save most texts and voice mails. So i guess the only way someone would know if I were deleting any is to know if one that was there is now gone. Oh, another example...if I suddenly start deleting texts from particular person when I never did before, then there is a concern. I have a female friend who only texts me. And I keep them. If I started deleting her texts, then my wife would have some concern. But I guess she would never know, because I rarely look at her phone and she rarely looks at mine. BTW, if anyone in their right mind is going to have an affair, then why would they use their "normal" phone? Get a special phone and hide it. (Yes, if your partner has two phones, be worried. ) 1
JamesM Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 My WS thought the same way. Told me they were just friends and let me look at it anytime. I suspected there was more to it. Late one night after WS went to bed, using that phone I got the "friend" to think I was WS. Dday. Another reason not to text. 2
Elias33 Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 What somebody does with their text messages is really up to them, and not anybody else. Deleting messages does not indicate infidelity, even though cheaters are known to do this to erase evidence. I have one of those smaller phones (LG) that amazingly has a lousy memory, I can only have 4 apps on it. It is frustrating. Not that this is anyone else's business. If you feel the need to look on your partners phone, there is already something wrong. The trust is already eroding.
mammasita Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 I always delete messages and put my phone face down. I'm not cheating. Oh, and I also have two phones (the 2nd is my work phone). Again, I'm not a cheater.
Confuddled1983 Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 Those are memories many of us would rather not revisit. I remember the ex doing exactly that like it was yesterday. Once, she misplaced it and wildly accused me of stealing it. I bought the phone and paid the bill. Even then, before I really knew what to do or how to do it, I recall thinking "this is no way to live." In time, I didn't see it as a phone, it was a knife. Only a measure of peace was restored when I told her she didn't have to hide it anymore. I recall well the look on her face when I told her I didn't care what was on her phone or who she was texting. Don't hide, leave. Both my ex husband who I'm 99% sure was cheating and my sons father did this (sons father cheated several times) Truthfully if I am ever with another man and he feels the need to guard his phone with his life I'm walking. I cannot and will not deal with feeling on edge, feeling sick and wondering what the hell is on their phone that is so precious to them that I can't see it! I've always left my phone out on charge while going for a bath, napping, cooking etc but these men would charge it at night and hide it under their pillow. I wasn't stupid, I knew what was going on but I didn't want to believe it. The hiding of phones was genuinely more upsetting to me than the day I found out he was cheating, I went on and on about him hiding his phone and he'd say "You're paranoid" - "It's just habit" - and one of them, oh yes, "I was watching gay porn on it so was hiding it from you cause I felt embarrassed" ... I was made to feel I was going out of my mind over a damn phone! Grr! Sorry went slightly off topic there but basically deleting texts wouldn't bother me - I don't and won't snoop through phones so wouldn't know anyway - the hiding of phones though now that is a massive red flag IMO. 1
MissBee Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 Almost every cheater deletes their text messages. They say that they are doing this to save space, yet text messages take up so little space relative to the memory of any smart phone, that deleting text messages for this reason does not make any sense. Below is the math to use the next time they try to tell you that they need to delete their texts to save space. Average text message = 160 characters = 160 bytes Average iTune song = 7.6 MB = 7,782,400 bytes 7,782,400/160 = 48,640 average text messages in the same space of an average iTunes song. Since years of text messaging can be stored in the same space as the average space of just a single iTune song, it is ridiculous for anyone to be deleting text messages to save space. If they are telling you that they are deleting text messages for this reason, tell them that you are not buying it. This is not to say that if they delete text messages they are for sure cheating, but if they are texting members of the opposite sex, it is perfectly reasonable to tell them to stop deleting any text messages that they receive, and that deleting texts after this will confirm to you that they are hiding something. If they feel the need to hide it from you, then it is inappropriate. I'm a bit confused. How would you know they're deleting texts? Are you going through their phone? I guess if you are reconciling and are in the period where you need to be extra vigilant and if checking phones is part of the plan, but otherwise I don't see how you know if someone is deleting their texts unless you routinely go through their text messages. In relationships I don't check my SO's phone, so I wouldn't really know they're deleting messages. I don't monitor who they're texting and I wouldn't feel comfortable telling them they shouldn't delete their texts unless they have something to hide. Again, in the case of a reconciliation after I know they've already cheated, and we're building back trust, I understand this type of monitoring a bit more...but as a preventative or regular part of a relationship this wouldn't come up. My SOs don't hide their phones from me or me them, but I have my own phone so the only times I need to use their phone for anything are rare times and when I do use it I don't think of going through their messages, so I wouldn't know if they're deleting anything.
Author Try Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 This thread only addresses "the math to use the next time they try to tell you that they need to delete their texts to save space". If they say that is why they are deleting texts, you now have a logical response. This is factual information. Why is this even being debated by some?
MissBee Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 This thread only addresses "the math to use the next time they try to tell you that they need to delete their texts to save space". If they say that is why they are deleting texts, you now have a logical response. This is factual information. Why is this even being debated by some? And if they don't have an iphone? It seems that's the only way this math works, but if someone doesn't have an iphone,I don't, other people don't either, this math won't work. It's useful to think about, but in any case if I suspect you're cheating I'm not gonna be checking any math and bytes and so on, the hiding of one's phone as other's have pointed out is more of a clue than deleted messages, as I won't know someone has deleted messages to begin with as I don't check my SO's phone so the only clues I would have is them hiding their phone, that's what will tee me off and not deleted messages.
Author Try Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 It seems that's the only way this math works, but if someone doesn't have an iphone,I don't, other people don't either, this math won't work. iPhone, Andriod, Microsoft, it does not matter, this math works for most smart phones in use today. Song files and text files are all about the same size in all of these platforms.
road Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 I always delete messages and put my phone face down. I'm not cheating. Oh, and I also have two phones (the 2nd is my work phone). Again, I'm not a cheater. Having a cell and deleting messages are not signs of cheating. It is how the phone is handled that is a sign of cheating. 1
JamesM Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 This thread only addresses "the math to use the next time they try to tell you that they need to delete their texts to save space". If they say that is why they are deleting texts, you now have a logical response. This is factual information. Why is this even being debated by some? The factual part is that texts don't take up space. But the reality is most of us still think they do. If I have thirty texts in my phone and I weed some out, it is not because I am trying to hide anything. To me....despite the fact that texts take up little space...my phone is cluttered. An example is that my email account has two pages of emails. I need to delete them or move them. Yet I also know that I have oodles of space so I don't really need to delete them...yet I feel as if my life is cluttered and messy. I think you have a good point when it is an unusual behavior. If my wife or I suddenly held on to our phone or had to delete texts or number history, then this change could be a sign of cheating. In and of itself, deleting is not a reliable sign IMO. 1
Steadfast Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Having a cell and deleting messages are not signs of cheating. It is how the phone is handled that is a sign of cheating. I cannot believe someone would actually take the time to sit down and write "I erase texts but I don't cheat." I, for one, feel much more enlightened. I never looked at my exes' phone. Hell, I barely looked at mine. Her actions raised suspicion, but how she handled her phone confirmed it. In a way the whole situation was rather disappointing; pathetic and not very creative.
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