Chica411 Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 This guy I'm talking to wants a serious relationship but doesn't want to settle. He said he's not looking to marry yet, but anything can happen. He hasn't dated much and doesn't seem to be the type to sleep around. We're really clicking and he's asked me on a date! I usually enter dating with a get to know mindset, and have a general idea where I want my Life to go. What does he mean though with what he's looking for? Seems like he has an open mind and maybe isn't as sure where's he headed? I want to have reasonable expectations with this!
d0nnivain Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 What's he picky about? Some adults who say they are picky have ridiculous impossible lists of what they want. Other people are more realistic but still legitimately refuse to settle for someone who doesn't share their core values. Without knowing how he defines picky, I can't give you insight. Go on your date with the usual open mindset to see if you can determine what he is picky about & whether you fit that or even want to.
OpheliaSong Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 He is saying he wants to take it slow and date before becoming exclusive. He thinks women are only after a ring.
Frank2thepoint Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 This guy I'm talking to wants a serious relationship but doesn't want to settle. He said he's not looking to marry yet, but anything can happen. He wants to be exclusive. He wants a serious, monogamous relationship. But the idea of marriage is something he is scared about, and doesn't want it looming in the foreground of the relationship. He doesn't want the pressure applied at the start of the relationship.
Author Chica411 Posted January 16, 2014 Author Posted January 16, 2014 He wants to be exclusive. He wants a serious, monogamous relationship. But the idea of marriage is something he is scared about, and doesn't want it looming in the foreground of the relationship. He doesn't want the pressure applied at the start of the relationship. I think that this is worded better! Thanks, and that's also how I look at things. I guess the doesn't want to settle had me wondering if it meant commitment phob or careful!
mortensorchid Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 I for one am rather tired of hearing these things when it comes to guys. Despite all that you seem to be told by their reasons and excuses, they just want to be footloose and fancy free and not be tied to anything. We're not as unique as we seem to think we are, we are actually all within the same types of behaviors no matter what our pasts, presents or futures seem to think they are. It's always the same thing over and over - the man doesn't want to commit and the woman does. Once in a blue moon it will be the other way around, but it really isn't. If I were you, I would move on. As I am looking at 40 this year, I find myself getting more and more bitter as time goes on as I keep running into so many stories like this. After a while I'm like "Maybe I'm just not meant to be with anyone."
Eau Claire Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 A lot of these issues are somewhat nebulous without more info. Are you both 20 years old or 40? Both had lots if life experience? Is he settled into a career? Anyways, best of luck. Yes, difficult to walk that line between getting to know each other without doing what we females have done since the beginning of time...seeing every male as a mate and future father of our children.
Author Chica411 Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 (edited) I'm probably the only girl not itching to get married! LOL I have a 3 year old, and getting engaged and starting a family was my ex'es idea. I'm pretty sure I want one more, but if I get married I'm eloping! And no it doesn't seem like this guy just wants to do his thing. In all honestly, I'm not even sure how experienced he is, um in bed. He hasn't really dated much at all, so I think he doesn't want a mindset to settle with the first person. But is open to it happening if it does. (Also I'm 28, he's 26. I have a really firm timeline of at least 6 months before my son gets involved. We both decided to just see where it goes!) Edited January 18, 2014 by Chica411
d0nnivain Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Uh oh. "Picky" 26 year old guys tend to want women with no baggage & many of them believe that children are baggage. Tread cautiously with this guy until you get a very concrete definition of what "picky" means.
Hopeful30 Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 I had the same with the current man I'm dealing with. He said he didn't want anything serious but wanted to see where things go. In my mind this translates to "I don't want to have any expectations, and I'm not looking for serious right not, but I like you enough to try this out and see if maybe it can lead somewhere."
Hopeful30 Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Uh oh. "Picky" 26 year old guys tend to want women with no baggage & many of them believe that children are baggage. Tread cautiously with this guy until you get a very concrete definition of what "picky" means. I don't like to use the word baggage, but kids DO make a relationship more complicated.
nomadic_butterfly Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 This guy I'm talking to wants a serious relationship but doesn't want to settle. He said he's not looking to marry yet, but anything can happen. He hasn't dated much and doesn't seem to be the type to sleep around. We're really clicking and he's asked me on a date! I usually enter dating with a get to know mindset, and have a general idea where I want my Life to go. What does he mean though with what he's looking for? Seems like he has an open mind and maybe isn't as sure where's he headed? I want to have reasonable expectations with this! He already told you loud and clear. Don't try to make the message any more or less than what it is. He wants to be exclusive but doesn't want to feel pressured or get your hopes up about marriage. Now it's up to you to decide if this works for you. You cannot love him enough or be wonderful enough to change his heart of hearts. If you'd be crushed if 5 yrs pass by and still no ring, you'd have no one to blame but yourself. I think a lot of times this means he doesn't see himself married to you but you're good enough to be Mrs. Right now and a lot of men detest dating; they just rather be serial monogamist or stick something exclusive out.
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