citygrrl Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 I was in a really bad relationship for 3 years (see previous posts). I have worked long and hard trying to move on. I have done really well with the whole No Contact thing. Then, last night I got a call from a friend of mine who was on AOL and bored, and she told me that in his profile, under "pictures", he had a whole bunch of pictures of me, with captions underneath, calling me a ho, a stripper (which I am NOT) , and a whole bunch of derogatory names. In addition, one of those captions suggested that he was thinking about emailing a naked pic of me (which he snuck around the corner and took while we were on vacation - very unflattering!) to everyone's email at my office. Isn't this harassment? I realize the First Amandment and all, but AOL has a Terms of Service agreement. I called AOL and they told me that it would take up to 48 hrs for them to "investigate" the matter. 48 HOURS??? Does that mean everyone has access to my public humiliation for 2 whole days?? I filed a restraining order on him awhile ago, and think maybe in some way this is a violation of the order, since it seems to fall under the category of menacing. I am so let down. I have worked very hard to get out of this relationship, as he was very abusive, and now this?? I would never dream of doing what he did to anyone - even if it was someone I couldn't stand. I thought when No Contact was initiated, things would get better. I read posts on here of how No Contact allowed people to move on....maybe it does, but not in this case!!!! THIS IS MAKING ME CRAZY!!!! Am I wrong for being upset? We are in the same line of business, working for different companies, and he uses his AOL account for work purposes also. So people we both deal with have access to these pictures, along with the totally slanderous sayings. HUMILIATING!! What do I do????
NiCoLe20 Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 theres not really much to do besides wait for aol to check up on it... but i would keep calling them to make sure this happens faster DONT GET MAD- GET EVEN!!!!!
Bronzepen Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 The whole idea of NC is for the purpose of getting back together. If you "ignore" them long enough, they will miss you and call you. Something like that. In your case, the separation was final. Especially, since you filed a restraining order. He sounds like he is very bitter and vindicative. If your not sure if sending pics of you via email is harassment or not, just call a lawyer or police and they will tell you.
Author citygrrl Posted January 11, 2005 Author Posted January 11, 2005 True, but I thought No Contact was also to allow yourself to get over a situation that didn't work out, to allow time to heal and get on with your life. I was the one who initiated the break - up, due to the abuse. It was hard for me to do this, since he could be very nice at times, but evil at others. I also initiated No Contact to help this ugliness draw to a close. I was doing it for him as well as for myself. The restraining order came into play after he put a loaded gun to my head. When that happened, it was a done deal. I am trying to move on as best I can, but he is trying everything he can to make my world hell. Why can't people just let go? It would have been different if he had treated me better. If he hadn't been abusive maybe we could have worked things out... but out of respect to myself, and to my safety, this couldn't continue to go on. I am not even to the point of THINKING of even dating anyone right now, and I know it's because of him. I just hope that someday I can be myself again. I'm trying -but I guess the way I need to look at this is as follows- in the worst case scenario, he does email the naked pic of me to my co- workers, THEN what is left for him to do? There will come a point in time where he has done everything possible in his power to hurt me, and will have nothing left to hurt me with. Going to the gym and doing a really hard workout helps to get the anger out - trying to stay positive... For every bad thing he is doing to hurt me, I am doing one nice or constructive thing for myself. When he has run out of things to hurt me with, I will be fit, well- dressed, and ready to go out and meet a guy who actually isn't eligible for psychiatric inpatient care!
Bronzepen Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 Originally posted by citygrrl I'm trying -but I guess the way I need to look at this is as follows- in the worst case scenario, he does email the naked pic of me to my co- workers, THEN what is left for him to do? There will come a point in time where he has done everything possible in his power to hurt me, and will have nothing left to hurt me with. Actually, worst case scenario will be for him to point a gun at your head again and actually shoot. That guy is mental. Be very careful. Going to the gym and doing a really hard workout helps to get the anger out - trying to stay positive... For every bad thing he is doing to hurt me, I am doing one nice or constructive thing for myself. When he has run out of things to hurt me with, I will be fit, well- dressed, and ready to go out and meet a guy who actually isn't eligible for psychiatric inpatient care! Don't wait for him to try to hurt you in anyway. Again, be very careful.
Weird Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 Wow, what a piece of trash. Sorry to hear about this:( Hopefully AOL can do something and this piece of **** can leave you alone and not act like such a damn child.
moon Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 That's sick!!! I think I would break NC and send him an e-mail and tell him to take the pictures down asap. I would tell him that you are going to contact the police about him breaking his restraining order. I'd tell him to get a life and move on.
moon Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 Better yet, do you know any lawyers? If you do (maybe a friend) contact one and find out your rights. I would see if you can get them to write a letter to the guy telling him to immediately take your pictures off of his website. You are a private person (as opposed to a public/celebrity). He is committing libel (not sure of the term for internet). I am sure he's breaking a law and if you wanted you could probably sue him for defamation. Contact the FCC or whatever the regulatory agency is for the internet. Is it the FCC? Not sure. I am sure you have a case (but I am not a lawyer....I've just taken some media law classes). This guy must be stopped. That's just horrible. What a loser! Report back here what you do.
Mr Spock Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 I don't think it's libel, I think it's slander and defamation of character.........anyways, sue his ass so hard he'll be afraid to THINK about you, much less drag you down publicly.
moon Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 I believe libel is when you print something wrong or inaccurate about somebody and slander is saying untrue words against somebody.
Mr Spock Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 Aren't you a smart cookie-libel is indeed in writing. http://www.legal-definitions.com/I,%20J,%20K/libel.htm http://www.legal-definitions.com/S/slander.htm http://www.legal-definitions.com/defamation.htm But the dude needs to be taken out of circulation................
Mr Spock Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 http://www.dancingwithlawyers.com/freeinfo/libel.shtml Should have been a laywer I could put things like "Since your post seemed to be made up of completely stupid statements, I wouldn't be suprised to learn you're an idiot" (NOT directed at anyone-legalese just makes me laugh sometimes )
Author citygrrl Posted January 12, 2005 Author Posted January 12, 2005 Thanks, guys - was able to print out the whole screen of every picture, nasty captions included... not too computer literate, but I learned how to do it. Don't want to jinx myself just yet, but the action will start tomorrow! Have a game plan which includes two backup plans. Not sure, though, if this is a federal crime or a crime against the state. Either way, I'll find out tomorrow... don't want to post details as of yet - after all, he IS a cyber-stalker and I don't want to mess anything up! I will keep everyone posted as to the progress - hope this never happens to any of you, but through my experiences we will see what happens to someone who thinks they are cute enough to pull a stunt like this! What an a**hole!!
Cabras Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 Calling you names and putting your picture up probably won't get him in any trouble. He'll get his AOL account blocked or something, but that won't stop him from being an ass. Distributing a naked picture of you taken without your permission can get him in trouble. I think it may vary state to state, but I have heard of a few cases where ex's have done this and then gotten in trouble. A lawyer would be able to clarify this for you. A phone call from a lawyer may make him think twice about following though.
Author citygrrl Posted January 12, 2005 Author Posted January 12, 2005 In addition to libel, this is also considered to be cyber- harassment, which is illegal in most states. In addition, there is information out there that suggests that this may also fall under the category of a federal crime...It's going to be a long day tomorrow, but it'll be worth it!! (My boss even gave me the day off- her words :"Go for it!!!")
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