Bluefin12 Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Hey guys, So I have been pondering this topic for a while and wondered what you guys thought of it. Is it ok for someone to keep in contact with their ex if they are in a new relationship?
MissBee Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 It depends on the nature of the R. I'm personally not really friends with any of my exes, nothing malicious for the most part, we broke up and grew apart, such is life. I don't mind if my partner speaks to their ex once in a while but I am wary of people who have harems of exes or keep exes too close. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries and transparency are the order of the day in my book. 1
soccerrprp Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Yikes, it opens up a whole new can of worms. It certainly complicates things and reignites insecurities on the part of the partner who is watching this happen. Is it okay? I say if it's for unavoidable reasons, like making arrangements with kids or persistent legal matters, yes. But, if it's for social, non-essential reasons or reasons that one feels that they cannot share with the person they are with now, then NO. Generally speaking I say NO. What would be the purpose? Are you now best friends? Still, it is not a comfortable situation. It's certainly best to limit any contact with exes. If you cannot share, tell your current SO about this person, then you need to end the communication or the relationship with current SO. Oh, yah, piggy backing on MissBee, I would be concerned about whether there is a healthy understanding of boundaries if such happened. 1
Author Bluefin12 Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 Thanks MissBee.. I think you're right on that transparency note. I have asked around about this and pretty much got the same responses as mentioned here. I think that, if one of the former two is in a new relationship, then there really isn't a good reason (unless logistical and unavoidable, as you mentioned soccerrprp). And I think that soccerrprp also nailed it in asking "What would be the purpose?" I appreciate the responses guys.. your fresh perspectives really help!
MixedUpChick Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 I think it depends a lot on circumstances. For myself, I've never kept a relationship with any ex except my ex-husband, & I barely ever even have need to talk to him now since the kids are grown & he's moved to another state. I think if someone I was dating/in a relationship with was constantly spending time with an ex for social outings, I'd be a little wary. But again, it really depends on the individual circumstances. Not everyone is hiding something, some people truly can be just friends after a relationship doesn't work out. I don't honestly think this is a "one size fits all" situation. 1
Hopeful30 Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 Well I always thought that yes, it's fine. Because I was in touch with an ex and had zero feelings for him, and it never affected my relationship. But 3 years later I realized he was only contacting me because he was still in love with me, and that made me uncomfortable. I think it's possible, but I also think that if you CAN stay no-contact, then you should. Unless you work together or have children, I think it's best not to keep in touch with an ex. Ive heard countless stories of both men and women running to their exes for advice in a current relationship, and as much as I can understand this, I think it's very rare when both parties are actually just friends and have zero intentions or feelings (from both sides). I guess you really have to trust the person, and they have to be open that they are in contact with their ex, otherwise it will just cause problems and insecurities.
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