Mandy11 Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 If anyone can please give some advise. I'm in a very strange situation..I have been dating my boyfriend for 8 years, we were planning to move to another state and start new with new jobs and buying a house....We have a great realationship, got along great, we are best friends. The only problem is that we does not want to get married, or thinks he is not the "marrying type" product of divorce and other issues.... During the time we were planning to move, my boyfriend was away alot preparing for our move. In the meantime, I became friendly with a neighbor of mine...He was very nice person, well we startied talking alot about our lives and were getting to know each other. I told him my situation with my current boyfriend and he couldn't believe that my boyfriend didn't want to marry me after all those years, and he was pretty honest telling me that he will probably never want to marry because if he didn't know by now, he would never know. So my neighbor made me realize alot of stuff in my life that wasn't quiet right....Well I got very close to my neighbor in a short time (couple of weeks) we went out for a drink and he told me that he really liked me and could see himself with me, he was developing strong feeling for me...I was so confused...But I had to move with my boyfriend everything was in the works for the move, but I really was second guessing myself. Well a few months have gone by and I still talk to my neighbor through emails & phone, he tells me he misses me and really thinks we can have a future together, he is ready to settle down and he has fallen for me...He even said he would come get me and hellp me move my stuff. It put me in strange situation, so I had a talk with my boyfriend to see where our relationship stands, he says he is not sure if he wants to get married, he loves me but he is scared of marriage....He wants us to live together and possibly when he gets a good job and settled in a house maybe marriage.. My question is, should I stay with my boyfriend and risk the chance with beeing with a great guy who really cares for me and I care for too. Or leave my current boyfriend and move back home to see what happens with this other man? Has anyone been in this situation??
uriel Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 You are asking whether to leave a man you have been with and lived with for 8 years for a guy you've only known for a couple of months? That doesn't seem wise. Obviously, you should not leave your bf for this other man. You have begun an emotional affair that's mainly based on fantasy. You don't really know what it would be like to be with this other guy. You'd need to date, etc. for a long time first. Your interest in him does point out that you have a profound dissatisfaction with your bf's reluctance to marry. You've basically given him everything a wife would, without the closure of a wedding. You should tell him how you feel about this -- that you want to marry and sooner than later or you don't know how much longer you want to stay together. He needs to face his fears -- even if that means couples counseling. Then, if that's not enough for you, you should move on. As for the other guy, stop fooling around with him. Imagine how you'd feel if you discovered your bf was doing that on the side. -- uriel
Weird Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 I agree with uriel 100%. I would LOVE to see how you'd react if the roles were reversed and your guy was getting friendly with some female neighbour. Bet ya you'd flip out. As for this neighbour you are thinking of...pretty classless of him to be sweet talking someone he knows is in a long term relationship. That's cold...I can't believe you'd want to get with a guy who would do that with a woman he KNOWS is with someone...what is to stop him from sweet talking some new girl if you two got together? The guy doesnt sound like he values the meaning of being in a relationship with another person.
completelydevastated Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 Ya know... I was in your b/f's position about 5 weeks ago. I was with a woman whom I loved with every fiber of my being. We were together for 6 years & were engaged. She became "friends" with a guy at college... he said all the "right things" & was really "smooth" talking to her (we were arguing over time during that period... we weren't seeing each other as much anymore). Anyway, he told her everything that she wanted to hear. She gave me the "I need space" line & next thing I knew, she left me & started dating him within a day. They've been together for 5 weeks now & she seems really happy. Honestly, I really do want her to be happy... but not with this prick. I hope they both get their hearts broken & realize what they've done (& learn from it). I'm not a vengeful person... but they both REALLY need to grow up. They don't even realize that I'm not the only person hurt by this. She will be eventually (when his "newness" wears off). Also, both of our families have been hurt by her LUST. She said that she wasn't looking for all this... but IMO, giving in to it is just as bad. There will always be challenges in life. There will ALWAYS be someone else to tempt you. You've got to ask yourself... "what kind of person would butt into a serious relationship & steel it?" I'll answer it. AN IMMORAL ONE!!!! People like that make me sick... so do people who give into them. Do the right thing & be loyal. COMMUNICATE!!! Talk to your b/f about the committment issue. If he really loves you, you two can work something out (it may take TIME). Don't just give up... cuz you'll kick yourself later for being selfish. Sorry to seem harsh... I really do wish you the best... but please think about the other people that your decision will effect. Besides, this new relationship will be considered a rebound & those hardly ever work out in the long run (cuz they're based on all the wrong reasons). You'll just end up alone. Think about it... is this what you really want?!? Good luck to you & God Bless.
Ericsgurl4life Posted December 14, 2005 Posted December 14, 2005 If anyone can please give some advise. I'm in a very strange situation..I have been dating my boyfriend for 8 years, we were planning to move to another state and start new with new jobs and buying a house....We have a great realationship, got along great, we are best friends. The only problem is that we does not want to get married, or thinks he is not the "marrying type" product of divorce and other issues.... During the time we were planning to move, my boyfriend was away alot preparing for our move. In the meantime, I became friendly with a neighbor of mine...He was very nice person, well we startied talking alot about our lives and were getting to know each other. I told him my situation with my current boyfriend and he couldn't believe that my boyfriend didn't want to marry me after all those years, and he was pretty honest telling me that he will probably never want to marry because if he didn't know by now, he would never know. So my neighbor made me realize alot of stuff in my life that wasn't quiet right....Well I got very close to my neighbor in a short time (couple of weeks) we went out for a drink and he told me that he really liked me and could see himself with me, he was developing strong feeling for me...I was so confused...But I had to move with my boyfriend everything was in the works for the move, but I really was second guessing myself. Well a few months have gone by and I still talk to my neighbor through emails & phone, he tells me he misses me and really thinks we can have a future together, he is ready to settle down and he has fallen for me...He even said he would come get me and hellp me move my stuff. It put me in strange situation, so I had a talk with my boyfriend to see where our relationship stands, he says he is not sure if he wants to get married, he loves me but he is scared of marriage....He wants us to live together and possibly when he gets a good job and settled in a house maybe marriage.. My question is, should I stay with my boyfriend and risk the chance with beeing with a great guy who really cares for me and I care for too. Or leave my current boyfriend and move back home to see what happens with this other man? Has anyone been in this situation?? Hey,My name is Brandi.and im in the same situation right now.I used to live in missouri until like 2 weeks ago.And i left the greatest bf i ever had And it broke his heart as well as my heart.And there is this other guy friend of mine that is really great too.He'd give me anything in this world that i want.his Name is Merlin.And my bf i have now his name is Eric..And eric would give me anything in this world too.I love Eric so much.He is my everything.When i moved from Missouri to Virginia Beach.i left my heart behind.well i really didnt leave it behind Eric still has it and doesnt plan on giving it back..LoL.And what i really LOVE about Eric is he is a cowboy.And im from a SMALL town population of like 200 ppl and and everybody there is into rodeos and stuff like that.Now this Merlin guy im really into is a Cowboy too.And i really DONT know what to do.I cry everynight cause i sit in my room looking at Pictures of me and Eric.And i start hurting knowing he is hurting And that bad part is..When i call Eric.he dont answer his phone cause everytime i talk to him.He starts crying cause he misses me so much.and Merlin is the same way.Erics Good friend Jessica calls me and tell me everytime he gets done on the phone with me he goes to her house and drops to his knees crying cause he misses me.Jessica is married and he husband cant stand seeing Eric in so much.Pain.So i finally have decided that im going back home.In like 6 weeks.Im staying here with my family for the Holidays.So if u have any suggestions.PLZ email me at [email protected] so much..~**Brandi**~
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