Jiminy Cricket Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 i'm back on this site after months on NC and thinking i'm finally over my ex. but as of late, i find myself thinking of her. if you don't know, last summer we got into it, because i accused her for leaving me for another guy. then she was all upset because she was in the hospital and she thought i didn't care about that. i understand i was selfish, and i've been thinking about all the times i drove her crazy. i really miss her and i'm curious about her health. i don't know how she feels about me anymore, if she forgave me, if she hates me or what. i'm feeling really bummed over how i treated her and would like to know how she's doing... what should i do.
Thedafox Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Do not do it. It'll set you back if you find out she's moved on/found someone else/etc. Stick with NC.
Zahara Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 It's normal after a few months to relapse. You'll be on an up and down for months. After a year of NC and thinking I was fine, I fell far back when I found out he was seeing someone else. None of what you feel justifies contact. It's just you going through the highs and lows of healing. Don't start something you know you cannot finish and you know will set you back even further than where you are now. And if you are still pining and worried about what she thinks of you and stressing over how you behaved -- it's the a clear cut sign that you are nowhere close to being ready for any sort of contact. 1
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted January 16, 2014 Author Posted January 16, 2014 i get what you guys are saying, it would hurt to know if she's with someone else. but she completely disappeared, she's hasn't been on social networks or anything. to tell the truth, i'm concerned. she was in the hospital for something serious, but i never knew what it was.
reddragon588 Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Yeah don't do that. And stop looking at her social networks. It's admirable you still care.. Actually no it isn't. Stop doing that too. 5
Zahara Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 i get what you guys are saying, it would hurt to know if she's with someone else. but she completely disappeared, she's hasn't been on social networks or anything. to tell the truth, i'm concerned. she was in the hospital for something serious, but i never knew what it was. Leave it alone. You are in no condition to be doing this. It would be one thing if you were indifferent. You should not even be stalking her and checking up on social sites. Stop creating scenarios in your head to justify contact.
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted January 16, 2014 Author Posted January 16, 2014 i been complete NC, until recent. i was curious, so i tried to check up on her. i don't want to get back with her, because i know i wasn't happy. but theres a part of me that still cares. it's like i still love her, but the best thing is to let her go, and its driving me crazy.
Zahara Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 i been complete NC, until recent. i was curious, so i tried to check up on her. i don't want to get back with her, because i know i wasn't happy. but theres a part of me that still cares. it's like i still love her, but the best thing is to let her go, and its driving me crazy. It's normal to care. It means you still have an emotional attachment to her. Still doesn't justify contact. 2
flightplan Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 For the love of all that's holy, check yourself before you hurt yourself. Don't do it. Your title says it all...it's a relapse. You still have feelings. All that hard work down the ****ter if you give in. The urge will pass.
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted January 16, 2014 Author Posted January 16, 2014 It's normal to care. It means you still have an emotional attachment to her. Still doesn't justify contact. i'm going to do it. i also find myself trying to be her friend. because thats what she at least wanted for us in the future, and i'm kinda forcing it.
Zahara Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 i'm going to do it. i also find myself trying to be her friend. because thats what she at least wanted for us in the future, and i'm kinda forcing it. Going to do it? Contact?
Haydn Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 No dont do this! It could be really painful. But its up to you. Let us know what happened. Good luck.
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted January 16, 2014 Author Posted January 16, 2014 Going to do it? Contact? lol, i mean NOT going to do it 4
H245 Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 lol, i mean NOT going to do it Phew! I've been debating calling my ex as well. But I know a) She want's nothing to do with me and b) Even if she did, it wouldn't help. Keep riding the NC train!
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted January 16, 2014 Author Posted January 16, 2014 No dont do this! It could be really painful. But its up to you. Let us know what happened. Good luck. even if i did contact her, i don't think it would be that painful. just knowing she's okay and happy is fine with me.
Thedafox Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 even if i did contact her, i don't think it would be that painful. just knowing she's okay and happy is fine with me. That's what I thought, too. I contacted my ex back in November and all I got was "I'm doing fine but I want nothing to do with you. I'm not mad at you nor do I hate you but I'm done with you. " It is not worth the risk.
BC1980 Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 It's normal to want to contact after a few months because reality starts setting in. It is difficult, but there is nothing to gain by contact.
Zahara Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 even if i did contact her, i don't think it would be that painful. just knowing she's okay and happy is fine with me. It won't be that painful? I hardly think so. The fact that you haven't even spoken to her, you're already so disturbed. Imagine if you contacted and you got a negative response. You'd be on the floor. This is what dumpees always say. False sense of confidence. Make sure you're okay and you are happy within yourself before you go finding out how she's doing at the risk of your own well-being. 1
pickflicker Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 No matter how much you may care about her, she doesn't feel the same way. Don't contact her. 2
Simon Phoenix Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Jiminy, this is completely normal. Around month 2-3 you feel an urge to contact, a relapse like you said. But it will pass. Considering that awful state you were in when you used to post on here -- creating threads every day, making big productions out of everything -- I'm proud that you've actually been able to stick to NC for this long. That, in itself, is a show of progress. So don't f*ck it up in a temporary fit of despair (yes, it is temporary). And stop snooping on social media. 2
iworthmore Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 mate, she's a stranger now. she doesnt miss you. she doesnt think about u. she's not angry at you and she doesnt hate you, she forgot you . its been months of NC and she didnt contact you. ur just a memory for her. start living from this point and dont waste you'r time on how she feel about u. sorry for being harsh but its the truth. deep inside u, u want to believe that she miss you or think abt u. i can guarantee that its not happening. move on mate. it doesnt matter how she think anymore. she's a stranger now. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 mate, she's a stranger now. she doesnt miss you. she doesnt think about u. she's not angry at you and she doesnt hate you, she forgot you . its been months of NC and she didnt contact you. ur just a memory for her. start living from this point and dont waste you'r time on how she feel about u. sorry for being harsh but its the truth. deep inside u, u want to believe that she miss you or think abt u. i can guarantee that its not happening. move on mate. it doesnt matter how she think anymore. she's a stranger now. ^^^ This. Would you care what was happening to a stranger on the street in a distant city? Probably not. So this is how you should think of her now. She left the RS and therefore gives up any right for you to care about her... Time to move on, which it sounds like you are really struggling with. NC is your only hope...
btvdts Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 my ex has multiple brain tumors. She has chronic headaches and is always in pain. it's been 3 months since we spoke. I too wonder about her and her health, but she made it clear to me that she did not want me in her life by dumping me. We weren't friends before, do there is no reason for us to be friends now, but I still wonder and worry about her, BUT I will not contact her Bc she made her choice. let her go man, just like she let you go. 1
Author Jiminy Cricket Posted January 16, 2014 Author Posted January 16, 2014 my ex has multiple brain tumors. She has chronic headaches and is always in pain. it's been 3 months since we spoke. I too wonder about her and her health, but she made it clear to me that she did not want me in her life by dumping me. We weren't friends before, do there is no reason for us to be friends now, but I still wonder and worry about her, BUT I will not contact her Bc she made her choice. let her go man, just like she let you go. well i was friends with my ex before we got together, and we knew each other for years. you know when we broke up i told her "who's going to care for you? i know you were depressed before we got together because you didn't have a partner who was by your side during the hard times..." she responded saying "i'll keep you updated on everything..." so looks like that never happened.
Zahara Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 well i was friends with my ex before we got together, and we knew each other for years. you know when we broke up i told her "who's going to care for you? i know you were depressed before we got together because you didn't have a partner who was by your side during the hard times..." she responded saying "i'll keep you updated on everything..." so looks like that never happened. Dude, when someone breaks up with you, they are choosing to eliminate you from their lives. People say crap like that to feel like the good guy, to alleviate guilt. It's the right thing to say because what else can she say? Even when you asked who would take care of you, her response was clear cut and a resounding -- she doesn't want it to be you. Stop trying to be there for someone that didn't/doesn't want you to be to there. 1
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