fieldmarshal Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 (edited) So I'm talking with this girl I work with. She actually asked me out to church and we had a good time. We talked a bit and she actually made a statement that she thought I was good looking. I later tried to set up a date together and she said she'd love to hang out but wasn't looking for a relationship and not with a coworker. Said again she thought I was a very attractive and an amazing guy but didn't want to ruin our work relationship, also saying she wasn't sure if that was my intention and just wanted to make sure we were on the same page. I just honestly told her that it was my intention to hang out and get to know her to see where it could go. I kind of backed off for awhile but thought I'd ask her out hiking and she said yes. We went and had a great time, got to know eachother better and talk about a lot. She actually took a short vacation a little after this but before she left I gave her a big hug (seemed a little different than previous hugs) and she actually said she'd love to go hiking again when she gets back. So I plan on going with her again when she gets back but I'm kind of super lost as far as her interest. There is more to the story (i have an ex at work and she was sort of stung by a guy at work as well) but bottom line I just want to avoid the friendzone. We've only really been out once because we didn't have much time to talk while in church so...when do I make a move and how? I mean...she already knows I'm attracted to her and she's outright said she is attracted to me as well...How do I play this out? What kind of things can I do to let her know even more so that I'm interested in her more than friends..do you just flat out ask? Edited January 16, 2014 by fieldmarshal
Guitarisgood Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 As soon as people realise that there is no such thing as a friendzone the better. A girl will only put you in the friend zone if you a) smother her with love b) are so shy you do not make your intentions known. Besides that, you will either be the 'friend' she'd go out with but have problems currently stopping her from dating you or the 'friend' that she has absolutely no attraction to or with - not friendzoned because she was never attracted to you from the start. So now what do you do? You make intentions as you have done, known at the start. You make sure to be suggestive in your conversations. Basically you have to get her mind and emotion working overdrive. Light touches, flirting teasing all the while NOT even mentioning you like her etc etc - let your actions talk. From that you can garner whether she likes you and wants more or whether she becomes wierded out and distances herself. 1
StanMusial Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 As soon as people realise that there is no such thing as a friendzone the better. A girl will only put you in the friend zone if you a) smother her with love b) are so shy you do not make your intentions known. Besides that, you will either be the 'friend' she'd go out with but have problems currently stopping her from dating you or the 'friend' that she has absolutely no attraction to or with - not friendzoned because she was never attracted to you from the start. So now what do you do? You make intentions as you have done, known at the start. You make sure to be suggestive in your conversations. Basically you have to get her mind and emotion working overdrive. Light touches, flirting teasing all the while NOT even mentioning you like her etc etc - let your actions talk. From that you can garner whether she likes you and wants more or whether she becomes wierded out and distances herself. Is there no such thing as a friendzone or not? This post is confusing. 1
pickflicker Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Look, she's got the right idea - you don't sh*t where you eat. Dating someone at work is a terrible idea. There's no such thing as the friend zone. You're either attracted to someone enough to date them, or you're not. 1
organizedchaos Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Don't date someone you work with. Is she worth potentially losing your job over? Are you willing to risk that bc all it takes is for one call to hr for any reason and you are toast. Try finding another job after that. I am not being overly dramatic. If she feels uncomfortable for whatever reason, it ends badly, whatever. You just don't know. It may not happen this way but even the possibility should tell you to avoid this. Ive been a working professional for 20 years and never dated someone I work with. Just not worth the risk or awkwardness if things go bad. There are more fish in the sea. 1
blackpajamas Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 The term "friendzone" is an offensive term because it applies being a friend to a female is something negative. Using it, and believing in it tends to dehumanize women in my opinion. It's pretty simple here. Don't date someone you work with. It rarely works out. Just because it happens on TV or in movies doesn't make it well. You already tried to get a date and she said she didn't want to ruin the work relationship. I'd move on before you start to believe there's something more there when there isn't. The fact you are already over-analyzing hugs leads me to believe this. 2
CptSaveAho Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 the only way to be put in the friendzone is to be a total pussy/niceguy you ask a girl out she says yes, you go out and have fun.... not rocket science if not you move on to the next girl
Eau Claire Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Look, she's got the right idea - you don't sh*t where you eat. Dating someone at work is a terrible idea. There's no such thing as the friend zone. You're either attracted to someone enough to date them, or you're not. I agree completely. The friend zone concept is usually raised by fellows who have no understanding of women. They 'just don't get it'. There either is or isn't chemistry. We are infatuated with a fellow or not. The difference with women is that most women do not desire any physical intimacy with any male but our partner. If we like a guy...no different from a male liking a female...we think of you constantly and fantasize about being pursued, held and kissed ( not so much the sex part at first) 2
tricolors Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Please stop using that ludicrous term "friendzone." Not all women will want to be with you. This is the same it has been forever. It's rejection, deal with it, move on. 3
Eau Claire Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Please stop using that ludicrous term "friendzone." Not all women will want to be with you. This is the same it has been forever. It's rejection, deal with it, move on. True. Some guys have some misperception they didn't do a or b or do it quickly enough. Hint to guys. ..spend a few dollars on some sharp clothes...get rid of the sneakers. Get in shape. Brush your teeth, hair and smile. First impressions...women want a clean normal sane man. It's not magic. 1
blackpajamas Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Preach on, sister. Preach the feminist mantra. "Friendzone is a term that dehumanizes women because it means being a friend to a woman is something negative." Lol. What? I just love how some women try to spin tales to make themselves out as the victim. Do you even understand the meaning of friendship? It's a mutually beneficial relationship of consent between two people. When one person wants romance and the other wants platonism, IT'S NOT A FRIENDSHIP. One, I'm a dude. Two, I think you misunderstand. Friendzone implies that being friends with a girl is bad. So that does in effect dehumanize women. It's okay to be friends with a girl. Jeez, chill your jets. 1
StanMusial Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 What in the hell. Offensive? I have heard the term "friendzone" from time to time before I ever heard of this forum. I have heard both guys and girls use it, probably more girls actually. Hell I thought girls invented the concept. For some reason on here it is some sort of taboo subject, which is mind boggling considering some of what you can read on here.
d0nnivain Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Friendzone is in the lexicon as somebody women think of as a good buy but with whom they have no intention of dating, having sex or otherwise being romantically involved. It could be a for a variety of reasons including she doesn't find you attractive or that she doesn't want to date somebody she works with. On some level she may be giving you a mixed message since she asked you to Church & she went hiking with you. Yes those are things that friends do but for a guy she hasn't known "forever" they seem more like dates. She has told you that she does not want to get involved with a man she works with. I'd take her at her word & not make a move. If you do try for a kiss or something & she shoots you down, work is going to be incredibly uncomfortable. It's still your choice.
somedude81 Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 I kind of backed off for awhile but thought I'd ask her out hiking and she said yes. We went and had a great time, got to know eachother better and talk about a lot. She actually took a short vacation a little after this but before she left I gave her a big hug (seemed a little different than previous hugs) and she actually said she'd love to go hiking again when she gets back. So I plan on going with her again when she gets back but I'm kind of super lost as far as her interest. so...when do I make a move and how? .do you just flat out ask? No you don't ask. What you do is make plans to see her again. Instead of going for just a hug like last time, try to kiss her too.
Author fieldmarshal Posted January 16, 2014 Author Posted January 16, 2014 I literally feel half of you stopped reading after "at work". Our current occupation is hardly career and fairly laid back..plus we have both been through attempted work relationships and its not awkward. I understand the whole don't date coworkers mentality but would you really pass up someone you really like/is a match? She did tell me she wasn't seeking a relationship but I have a strong feeling she was just playing it safe. She didn't hardly know me so wanted to play it cautious. I think now things may be changing. What I needed some advice on is what to do with future outings. She asked to go hiking again. I'll start flirting more and see how it goes after the next hike.
somedude81 Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Tell me you will try to kiss her at the end.
d0nnivain Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 If you are confident that the work situation is not the biggest obstacle, when you get to the summit of wherever you are hiking, stand behind her to wrap your arms around her to view the vista Let her lean into you. After a few moments take a rest sitting side by side. Have some water or maybe a little snack if you thought ahead & brought food. Gaze into her eyes. Stare at her mouth. Moisten your own lips & then at some point it will be natural to lean over for the kiss. 2
pickflicker Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 (edited) I literally feel half of you stopped reading after "at work". Our current occupation is hardly career and fairly laid back..plus we have both been through attempted work relationships and its not awkward. I understand the whole don't date coworkers mentality but would you really pass up someone you really like/is a match? She did tell me she wasn't seeking a relationship but I have a strong feeling she was just playing it safe. She didn't hardly know me so wanted to play it cautious. I think now things may be changing. What I needed some advice on is what to do with future outings. She asked to go hiking again. I'll start flirting more and see how it goes after the next hike. Yes. There are plenty of potential matches, they don't need to be found at work. It's the exact same reason why I don't make close friends with people I work with/socialise with them outside work hours. The same reason I don't drink at work functions. There is too much potential for problems. I keep personal and work separate. Close relationships and potential lovers are to be found outside of work, not in it. Although, I think you'd find the use of the term 'friendzone' colours people's opinions too... Edited January 16, 2014 by pickflicker 1
RedRobin Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 If you are confident that the work situation is not the biggest obstacle, when you get to the summit of wherever you are hiking, stand behind her to wrap your arms around her to view the vista Let her lean into you. After a few moments take a rest sitting side by side. Have some water or maybe a little snack if you thought ahead & brought food. Gaze into her eyes. Stare at her mouth. Moisten your own lips & then at some point it will be natural to lean over for the kiss. This is good... but still a big jump from your previous affection, OP. You hugged at the end. Not a big deal. I'd suggest progressing slower than the above. As you are hiking, try to hold her hand or put your arm around her. If she shrugs that off, you have your answer. If she doesn't, THEN try the above. If all you've done is a friendly hug at the end of your outings, and you come up behind her with a hug like the one suggested above, that could go really bad... then you'd be stuck hiking all the way back feeling really uncomfortable... not to mention the drive back. 1
Emilia Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 I literally feel half of you stopped reading after "at work". Our current occupation is hardly career and fairly laid back..plus we have both been through attempted work relationships and its not awkward. I understand the whole don't date coworkers mentality but would you really pass up someone you really like/is a match? You will get different views on it. I used to agree with pickflicker and used to completely keep myself to myself - aside from some friday night drinks - until I met someone I knew I could date and even if it went wrong he wouldn't betray me. Neither of us see our present job as that great, we are both looking (he has been working from home for the last 3 days because he has been interviewing) but it needs to be someone you trust. The other person has to be stable enough and like you enough as a person not to go after you when s**t hits the fan - and vica versa. She did tell me she wasn't seeking a relationship but I have a strong feeling she was just playing it safe. She didn't hardly know me so wanted to play it cautious. I think now things may be changing. That's certainly a possibility. It was the same for me. It took him like a year though and I'm REALLY private at work. No-one - apart from him - knows my relationship status. 1
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