Never been on a date at 32

[NoLifeDGenerate]

I've been driving myself nuts for probably 16 years now. All I've ever really thought about was finding a girlfriend/wife. I'm 6'1, skinny, and not a bad looking guy. I've always been socially awkward and never got out much. I've never even had many friends. I'm a gentleman when I do go out. I'm kind and caring to a fault. I actually have one female friend that I blew like 4+ grand on after she lost her job many years ago. Her job was how I met her. I was slightly addicted to Waffle House when the food was actually good. She was a server. long story.

 

I know I'm a bit different. I might border on Asbergers, or I might just be a special kind of *******. I definitely don't conform to normal society. After knowing that one friend a while, I've definitely gotten more comfortable with people than I used to be, but I'm still really quiet unless I actually have something to say. I can't drum up conversation with random total strangers, and I pretty much never see women to have the chance. I've been using dating sites for years... POF, okCupid-QuietGuy316, even Match (which I despise). I can't get anyone to give me a chance. I come up with a decent message now and then just to be ignored.

 

Everyone used to tell me you meet people through college or work. I did both. Never met anyone. It doesn't work for me, and I got so fed up I pretty much quit life entirely. I sit here playing Halo, and I blog a bit (NoLifeDGenerate on Blogspot and Wordpess). Then I get depressed at times and can't even stand to do that.

 

They say there's someone out there for everyone. I definitely disagree at this point. Any fresh ideas?

Edited January 16, 2014 by NoLifeDGenerate

[bippy123]

I've been driving myself nuts for probably 16 years now. All I've ever really thought about was finding a girlfriend/wife. I'm 6'1, skinny, and not a bad looking guy. I've always been socially awkward and never got out much. I've never even had many friends. I'm a gentleman when I do go out. I'm kind and caring to a fault. I actually have one female friend that I blew like 4+ grand on after she lost her job many years ago. Her job was how I met her. I was slightly addicted to Waffle House when the food was actually good. She was a server. long story.

 

I know I'm a bit different. I might border on Asbergers, or I might just be a special kind of *******. I definitely don't conform to normal society. After knowing that one friend a while, I've definitely gotten more comfortable with people than I used to be, but I'm still really quiet unless I actually have something to say. I can't drum up conversation with random total strangers, and I pretty much never see women to have the chance. I've been using dating sites for years... POF, okCupid-QuietGuy316, even Match (which I despise). I can't get anyone to give me a chance. I come up with a decent message now and then just to be ignored.

 

Everyone used to tell me you meet people through college or work. I did both. Never met anyone. It doesn't work for me, and I got so fed up I pretty much quit life entirely. I sit here playing Halo, and I blog a bit (NoLifeDGenerate on Blogspot and Wordpess). Then I get depressed at times and can't even stand to do that.

 

They say there's someone out there for everyone. I definitely disagree at this point. Any fresh ideas?

 

Speaking as a Guy that didnt go on a date until i was 3 weeks shy of my 27th birthday I can relate a bit to what your going through. I think sometimes when we go out socializing we tend to put up mental barriers as far as approaching a woman at times.

 

Sometimes the only way to break through that barrier is to not give a %rap and do something totally off the wall.

One time I went into a night club dressed in this lamb wool suit. I felt so self conscious but I still went out there.

One of my friends who happened to be there with his girlfriend saw me and he was laughing so hard. The first girl I went up to , to ask her to dance said yes (and I dont even know how to dance lol), and while I was dancing with her the suit was sheddding all over the dance floor. The whole place was cracking up.

 

It was crazy but at the same time it was safe fun that didnt hurt anyone and it helped me break out of my shell.

 

Its all about breaking through those barriers we have setup for ourselves in our life to keep us safe.

Hope this helps you dude lol

[OnlyHonesty]

I bet you've never questioned why you have been driving yourself nuts concerning the quest to find a gf or a wife. I wonder if you realise much of this reason could be because society, media and almost everyone places an emphasis on a man's worth in relation to whether he has a partner or not.

 

I don't think you are seeing the reality of this and if you did and still felt the same way then it would be different. What is it that you seek?

 

A gf or a wife will not being you happiness or true fulfillment unless this exists within. I believe people spend much energy both emotional and physical in pursuit of what society expects of them that they neglect the pursuit of what they really need internally.

 

Perhaps what I am saying will not help since you are perhaps not in a position to see this point of view. What would be your ideal gf? What qualities would she have and what do you think this gf would bring into your life that you feel is missing?

 

I think many men are so conditioned to want a relationship, marriage or partners that they operate on auto pilot not really knowing exactly why they are giving themselves so much grief for not having such things.

[NoLifeDGenerate]

I bet you've never questioned why you have been driving yourself nuts concerning the quest to find a gf or a wife. I wonder if you realise much of this reason could be because society, media and almost everyone places an emphasis on a man's worth in relation to whether he has a partner or not.

 

I don't think you are seeing the reality of this and if you did and still felt the same way then it would be different. What is it that you seek?

 

A gf or a wife will not being you happiness or true fulfillment unless this exists within. I believe people spend much energy both emotional and physical in pursuit of what society expects of them that they neglect the pursuit of what they really need internally.

 

Perhaps what I am saying will not help since you are perhaps not in a position to see this point of view. What would be your ideal gf? What qualities would she have and what do you think this gf would bring into your life that you feel is missing?

 

I think many men are so conditioned to want a relationship, marriage or partners that they operate on auto pilot not really knowing exactly why they are giving themselves so much grief for not having such things.

 

I simply won't be happy until I actually experience a relationship. Whether or not it leads to marriage isn't so much a concern. I just don't have a problem with commitment. Point being I'm interested in something serious. No one night stands. It's not about worth to anything. It's about the fact I have no experience with women. I can't even watch a movie with a relationship/romance angle without getting pissed off I've always been alone.

[Frank2thepoint]

I simply won't be happy until I actually experience a relationship.

 

What is that appeals to you that makes you want a relationship? Would it be someone to talk to? Companionship for activities such as movies or traveling? Companionship for intimacy? The challenge of argument and debate?

 

Try to come up with the reasons you want to be in a relationship and focus on improving your chances of achieving those goals by overcoming your social anxiety. For example. If you wanted to be in a relationship to enjoys movies with a woman, attend film/movie meetups. There you will get to enjoy a hobby and expose yourself to a small group of people and chat about it.

 

The point I am making is, you cannot resign yourself to fear. Fear is a terrible limiter and great motivator. You already know you are socially awkward, but also know you want a relationship. Motivate yourself to overcome the social fears, by using the fear of being single for life.

[AnyaNova]

If I could make a recommendation, I looked you up on OkCupid, and you're totally cute and you sound at the least reasonably intelligent.

 

So, there would really be only one thing that would hold this shy, introverted and socially awkward woman back from wanting to meet you if we were anywhere geographically close.

 

I can understand life causing you issues (I myself feel somewhat years behind due to the effects of a long undiagnosed gluten intolerance, and even after that a long and undiagnosed b vitamin deficiency caused by said GI). And I understand the issue of being on disability (I'm assuming since you made your profile public here, I hope you don't mind me mentioning that).

 

I think though, that it is what you choose to do with your time that causes me hesitation. The blogging is good, but if I were to consider dating someone on disability, I would want someone who had chosen to find some truly meaningful pursuit to fill their time. Something creative, whether it be cooking, painting, drawing, writing a novel, learning a language, anyway, some thing that indicates that he hasn't given up on life, and that he is capable of creating his own life, even if his life has made it such that he can't work, just that he won't expect me to fill his life or some void.

 

Obviously the suggestions above are all good, and working on the social anxiety. But for me, the only reason I wouldn't probably message you and start the process of meeting you if we were geographically close is that.

 

Some Halo or games is fine, but perhaps try and find something meaningful for you that truly adds to your sense of self-worth!

[CarrieT]

A few, quick notes...

 

A simple google of "NoLifeDGenerate" does not bode well. You definitely need to change your online presence for one. Your blog screams: STAY AWAY FROM ME. and I HATE EVERYTHING.

 

It also shows you are pretty obsessed with games which isn't encouraging for a 30-something wanting a relationship.

 

If you want to be the guy that girls want to be with, start BEING that guy; get out to more social activities (book clubs, hiking, Meet-Up.com) and less solo gaming. Stop using the word f**k so much - it is ugly. Refashion who you are by being someone that a girl would want to be with.

[NoLifeDGenerate]

What is that appeals to you that makes you want a relationship? Would it be someone to talk to? Companionship for activities such as movies or traveling? Companionship for intimacy? The challenge of argument and debate?

 

All but the argument part.

 

 

 

A few, quick notes...

 

A simple google of "NoLifeDGenerate" does not bode well. You definitely need to change your online presence for one. Your blog screams: STAY AWAY FROM ME. and I HATE EVERYTHING.

 

It also shows you are pretty obsessed with games which isn't encouraging for a 30-something wanting a relationship.

 

If you want to be the guy that girls want to be with, start BEING that guy; get out to more social activities (book clubs, hiking, Meet-Up.com) and less solo gaming. Stop using the word f**k so much - it is ugly. Refashion who you are by being someone that a girl would want to be with.

 

Well, that's not who I am, now is it? Half my neighbors are amish and there's really nothing to do in this area. I can't see going out bowling alone. I hate bars. Food is about the only thing I generally leave the house for. I've literally driven 45 minutes for ice cream on a regular basis (peanut butter custard, specifically). I even do most shopping online.

[Salvatore85]

If you don't mind me asking, what are you afraid of? Is it the rejection aspect or just a bit of anxiety in general?

[Frank2thepoint]

So, there would really be only one thing that would hold this shy, introverted and socially awkward woman back from wanting to meet you if we were anywhere geographically close.

 

That damn geography, always getting in the way of true love.

 

 

I think though, that it is what you choose to do with your time that causes me hesitation. The blogging is good, but if I were to consider dating someone on disability, I would want someone who had chosen to find some truly meaningful pursuit to fill their time. Something creative, whether it be cooking, painting, drawing, writing a novel, learning a language, anyway, some thing that indicates that he hasn't given up on life, and that he is capable of creating his own life, even if his life has made it such that he can't work, just that he won't expect me to fill his life or some void.

 

I concur with AnyaNova. Aside from gaming, blogging, shopping for food, and going on ice cream runs, add some variety to your life. Do you exercise? Try some jogging. Exercise helps boost your confidence, deal with stress, and helps with anxiety. Learning a new language is a good one too. Especially if you are planning on trying it out by travelling to a particular country that speaks it and interacting with the locals. You'd be surprised how much more non-Americans are much nicer and more open to talking. Except the French. They can be rude.

[AnyaNova]

That damn geography, always getting in the way of true love. .

 

Yeah, tell me about it.

 

 

I concur with AnyaNova. Aside from gaming' date=' blogging, shopping for food, and going on ice cream runs, add some variety to your life. Do you exercise? Try some jogging. Exercise helps boost your confidence, deal with stress, and helps with anxiety. Learning a new language is a good one too. Especially if you are planning on trying it out by travelling to a particular country that speaks it and interacting with the locals. You'd be surprised how much more non-Americans are much nicer and more open to talking. Except the French. They can be rude.[/quote']

 

This would be some very good advice. Especially the exercise, and the language/travel!

 

And to the poster who made the snarky comment about women. My second bf had never dated anyone at 25, and my 3rd boyfriend (I was with my 2nd for about 13 years), I was his first significant relationship since high school.

 

Though, to be fair, I'd really prefer someone who had a bit more experience in terms of relationships, I am not averse, if someone seems interesting and worthy, to giving them a chance. I suspect that there are other women out there like me.

[Mr. Nibbles]

Everyone loves a compliment.

 

You need to get working on your compliments. Try to find something nice say to everyone that you talk to. Start with, "you're doing a great job and you are a big help to me."

 

"You look pretty," is always nice and I'm sure you can google some more.

 

You will be surprised how fast women/men will like you if you are complimentary. This is the first step towards a healthy relationship and hopefully complementing another person.

 

Good luck to you.

[HokeyReligions]

If you don't want to change yourself "that's not who I am" comment suggests that, then maybe you need to come to peace with being single. Life doesn't give us everything we want. I dont buy the 'someone for everyone' line either. A friend of mine from high school is still single. In fact hes never been on a date. He is disabled but still smart and funny. He's asked girls out and after decades of rejection thru high school and college he has come to terms with his life. He is almost 60. There are hundreds , even thousands in the same situation. Not everyone is half of someone else and not everyone who is finds their other half.

 

That said doesnt mean that finding or making a fulfilling single life means you can't remain open to a relationship should you have the opportunity.

[pickflicker]

Your blog and endless Halo achievements make it abundantly clear why you don't have a girlfriend.

 

When you're willing to understand that, I'd be happy to give you some advice on improving your situation.

[AnyaNova]

Is the blog about Halo?

 

How about shutting it down and beginning a blog about whatever meaningful endeavor/endeavors that you are about to begin?

[NoLifeDGenerate]

That damn geography, always getting in the way of true love.

 

 

 

 

I concur with AnyaNova. Aside from gaming, blogging, shopping for food, and going on ice cream runs, add some variety to your life. Do you exercise? Try some jogging. Exercise helps boost your confidence, deal with stress, and helps with anxiety. Learning a new language is a good one too. Especially if you are planning on trying it out by travelling to a particular country that speaks it and interacting with the locals. You'd be surprised how much more non-Americans are much nicer and more open to talking. Except the French. They can be rude.

 

I've never exercised, and I never will. The only other languages I learn are programming languages. I'm one of those people that's pissed there's such a lack of English in the US. I shouldn't have to press 1 for English every time I have to get on the phone about something. Every customer service rep you talk to is in India/wherever and obviously doesn't speak English as a first language. You can hardly understand them. Stores have signs in both English and Spanish. fyi, that's the kind of stuff I blog about. I think I actually have a blog post on just that topic. I've sort of gotten to a point where most things about regular society piss me off in some way.

 

I quit life long before I had a legitimate reason to be on disability. I more or less got fired from my last job (dairy clerk) over someone else getting fired that I felt was treated unfairly; meanwhile, this other lazy kid in our department got moved to another department instead of being fired because his goddamn mother worked there. It wasn't the first time I saw that kind of thing happen either. There were only 2 managers I got along with at that point anyway. The store manager couldn't stand me because I didn't put up with any stupidity or laziness. I actually had a bagger threaten to kick my ass in the parking lot after work because I told him not to smoke in my goddamn dairy backroom. The smoking room was literally 10-15 feet down the hall but idiots always wanted to stand in front of the dairy cooler smoking. I was pretty much a workaholic back then that wanted people to leave me alone and keep out of my way.

[pickflicker]

I've never exercised, and I never will. The only other languages I learn are programming languages. I'm one of those people that's pissed there's such a lack of English in the US. I shouldn't have to press 1 for English every time I have to get on the phone about something. Every customer service rep you talk to is in India/wherever and obviously doesn't speak English as a first language. You can hardly understand them. Stores have signs in both English and Spanish. fyi, that's the kind of stuff I blog about. I think I actually have a blog post on just that topic. I've sort of gotten to a point where most things about regular society piss me off in some way.

 

 

I quit life long before I had a legitimate reason to be on disability. I more or less got fired from my last job (dairy clerk) over someone else getting fired that I felt was treated unfairly; meanwhile, this other lazy kid in our department got moved to another department instead of being fired because his goddamn mother worked there. It wasn't the first time I saw that kind of thing happen either. There were only 2 managers I got along with at that point anyway. The store manager couldn't stand me because I didn't put up with any stupidity or laziness. I actually had a bagger threaten to kick my ass in the parking lot after work because I told him not to smoke in my goddamn dairy backroom. The smoking room was literally 10-15 feet down the hall but idiots always wanted to stand in front of the dairy cooler smoking. I was pretty much a workaholic back then that wanted people to leave me alone and keep out of my way.

 

So you're living on disability, playing Halo all day, don't like people who don't speak English...so tell us what you ARE bringing to a relationship? I'm unsure as to whether you're looking for advice on how to improve your situation, or are simply looking for more traffic to your blog.

[AnyaNova]

So if you are unwilling to change or at least consider our advice,

 

why did you ask for it?

[pickflicker]

Also, I can't understand why you can't get a job. I sit at a desk all day (I'm a TV programmer), and I don't need to lift anything heavy. I climb a flight of stairs a couple of times a day to drop off folders and that's it.

 

Why exactly can't you get a job?

[OpheliaSong]

Unfortunately the OP wants to commiserate about how his life stinks but doesn't want to do anything about it and admits he has given up on life. Anyone have a cure all for this in their pockets for somebody who doesn't want to DO anything? Yeah, I didn't think they invented magic pills for hates life and wants to rants about it either.

[pickflicker]

Unfortunately the OP wants to commiserate about how his life stinks but doesn't want to do anything about it and admits he has given up on life. Anyone have a cure all for this in their pockets for somebody who doesn't want to DO anything? Yeah, I didn't think they invented magic pills for hates life and wants to rants about it either.

 

Yeah, I'm starting to think the OP is just trying to drive more traffic to his blog.

[NoLifeDGenerate]

So if you are unwilling to change or at least consider our advice,

 

why did you ask for it?

 

Looking for different perspectives, I guess. I dunno anymore.

 

Also, I can't understand why you can't get a job. I sit at a desk all day (I'm a TV programmer), and I don't need to lift anything heavy. I climb a flight of stairs a couple of times a day to drop off folders and that's it.

 

Why exactly can't you get a job?

 

Besides the fact I hate people? I have neck problems to the point I sleep in a laz-z-boy recliner rather than a bed IF I can sleep. Between my neck, back, and depression I can't live a normal life. Why should I work my ass off like a normal person? I'm obviously pretty set in my ways in real life, right? Well, I'm the same way where computers are involved. I refuse to learn newer languages, refuse to finish college, etc. I don't even use Windows anymore unless I absolutely have to. I run Linux with the option to boot Windows if I need it.

 

I've toyed with the idea of taking a few random classes just to get out a little. I have no intention of finishing a degree though. Might be nice to learn more about fixing electronics. I had a friend that could fix anything. He used to put repair all old game consoles, put modchips in playstations, repair LCDs, anything. He was an artist with a soldering iron. He killed himself last August.

[pickflicker]

Looking for different perspectives, I guess. I dunno anymore.

 

 

 

Besides the fact I hate people? I have neck problems to the point I sleep in a laz-z-boy recliner rather than a bed IF I can sleep. Between my neck, back, and depression I can't live a normal life. Why should I work my ass off like a normal person? I'm obviously pretty set in my ways in real life, right? Well, I'm the same way where computers are involved. I refuse to learn newer languages, refuse to finish college, etc. I don't even use Windows anymore unless I absolutely have to. I run Linux with the option to boot Windows if I need it.

 

I've toyed with the idea of taking a few random classes just to get out a little. I have no intention of finishing a degree though. Might be nice to learn more about fixing electronics. I had a friend that could fix anything. He used to put repair all old game consoles, put modchips in playstations, repair LCDs, anything. He was an artist with a soldering iron. He killed himself last August.

 

It's impossible to give you a perspective when you really don't want any help.

 

'Hating people' is going to make it really hard for a girl to like you, if in fact that is what you want...

[Frank2thepoint]

I've never exercised, and I never will.

 

I quit life long before I had a legitimate reason to be on disability.

 

That's the spirit! I can feel the positivity of your words through the Internet, radiating from the monitor, enveloping me with such joy.

 

No, not really.

 

 

Looking for different perspectives, I guess. I dunno anymore.

 

The only other perspective is you could just continue down the path you are on now, become more hateful, and insular.

 

Good luck with your endeavors.

[regine_phalange]

I'm sure you have something that may draw people to you. Hell, I've attracted people by being shy.There is only one thing that never attracts people; negativity. Get rid of it. Accept and show off who you are, but be done with the hating stuff.

Edited January 17, 2014 by regine_phalange