Thoughts vs feelings.. NC getting more difficult!

[OhThatGirl]

Hi all..

 

Briefly my story: dated guy for a year, increasingly serious over the last several months. My assistant tells me she was matched with him on an online dating site (that he had logged in to within 24 hours) the day before I left to spend the holidays with my family. I ended things immediately. He told me things such as "so it's ok for you to keep your options open but not me?" And "it auto renewed, I'm not seeing anyone else." (I will admit it had outdated info posted but the fact he continued to log into it was enough that I felt betrayed)

 

Other than me telling him I didn't want his excuses and a couple texts about belongings/Christmas gifts (told him I didn't want them from him, he said he didn't want any from me) and a brief "I'm sorry it didn't work out for us" and him saying "me too, I liked you a lot" we have been NC ... Now 12 days.

 

Knowing that I don't accept this from him. And knowing that I was hurt, told him, and he didn't apologize.. Why am I having a hard time getting past this?

 

I'm regularly making excuses for him ("well he wanted to apologize but you didn't give him a chance, plus he doesn't know how to apologize or communicate - he has been bad at this since you've been dating.") But as every day passes I know more and more he's not going to come back, acknowledge he screwed up and try to make it up to me. It ended almost a month ago!

 

So why is it killing me? Even when I know I'm not ok with what he did. I even know the relationship was probably doomed and it's better now than later that this happened. I know all of these things.. And yet still feel differently.

 

So why am I still hurt? I think it's getting harder, not easier, to maintain NC!

[rosedl]

Did you guys have a monogamous commitment or were you both ok with dating other people?

[OhThatGirl]

Did you guys have a monogamous commitment or were you both ok with dating other people?

 

We had agreed in the beginning that if we were sleeping together it meant that we were not sleeping with anyone else.

 

About 5 months in I felt it was still very "casual" in that we weren't becoming consistent figures in each other's lives so I explained this to him, told him I knew I wanted something serious and it didn't seem that would happen with him and that I would see other people. He said ok, maintaining that he would not sleep with me if I were sleeping with anyone else. I agreed of course.

 

Few months later he seemed to be making the effort to make things more serious.. We were meeting each other's "people," becoming more involved in each other's lives, etc. I told him I was happy this is the way things were moving and I didn't feel it was fair to him or someone else to see other people. He said he was also not seeing anyone else. I joked about making it Facebook official, he said he didn't want that kind of drama and that his family and friends knowing we were together should be enough. I didn't 100% agree but figured it was fair.

 

Before the online dating site fiasco I felt like he had been a little distant. He told me he didn't think he was being distant and that there was nothing wrong.

 

Then that happened.

[H245]

I had a similar situation as you did. My ex was being distant the last few weeks of the relationship. Then 2 shady situations came up with her. The second one was a convo with her and another man that was grounds for termination. Called her up when I saw the convo and ended things right then and there. Should I have given her a chance to explain before breaking up? Maybe...but the reason I eventually got from her made ZERO sense.

 

Needless to say, I feel the same way you do currently. A doomed relationship, got no apology for what she did, and for some reason I hurt deeply instead of being angry. Just gotta try and and keep NC myself just like you.

[OhThatGirl]

I just feel like I shouldn't be hurting. He did this. Why am I the one with second thoughts? I know it was a boundary and he crossed it. I know I am not OK with this. I know I am willing to move on because I can't be with someone I don't trust.

 

How I FEEL on the other hand is completely different.

 

Am I right sticking to NC? Would I feel better having a conversation about this?

 

He seriously withdraws when faced with a conversation that is argumentative. I don't want to argue anyway. In fact, I don't know what I would have a conversation about. Maybe "You ready to apologize yet?" (May sound odd but a couple of our serious conversations have started with something similar to this..)

 

Umm. But if he was ready to apologize, wouldn't he contact ME?

 

Maybe not if he thought I would disregard it or not change my mind...

 

Argh. (See what I mean? NC is getting harder when I keep doing this)

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm going to admit that I've kept online dating accounts up and running when in relationships. It wasn't intentional or malicious -- I'd literally forget that I started them or just ignore the ones I did remember starting. Hell, if I did a google search of my usual name right now (not this one) I'd probably find some that I don't remember starting. That being said, when I'm exclusive, I don't log into them at all for any reason.

 

Now I'm not saying you overreacted necessarily. But you truly have to evaluate how nefarious his crime is. Is this something where there's no return? If so, stick to your guns and keep your boundaries (though this might be something you should have addressed earlier in the relationship if you didn't).

 

If you decide that this isn't a horrific offense and this is something you are able to forgive and forget, then it is up to you to make contact because you were the one who dumped him. NEVER, EVER, EVER BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE TO ELICIT A REACTION! If your ex was on this site, he'd be advised by many people to not contact you, that it's not his job to fight for a relationship when he wasn't the dumper. If you did not allow him to explain himself (which "I don't want your excuses" could be construed as) then he's probably thinking (and being advised by friends and strangers alike) it's best to leave you be.

 

Once again, I'm not saying you were wrong for pulling the plug. If it's something you can't live with, then you need to let him go and keep him gone and find someone with more compatible views on this matter. But if it's something that is fixable in your mind, it's up to you to put out the initial feelers to fix it since you broke up with him.

Edited January 16, 2014 by Simon Phoenix

[OhThatGirl]

Argh again. Sorry. Just more to get off my chest.

 

I go between thinking he was never really invested in this relationship. He's not one to talk about feelings and so I guess I went by his actions. He didn't like to talk on the phone so we texted almost all of our communication! He didn't so the same little things as when we first started dating. Little stuff that added up. I wasn't really hearing much from him a week or so before we broke up.

 

But.. He was a good partner and very thoughtful. Reorganized his kitchen because I thought it was a bit odd to have cookware away from the stove and a junk drawer next to the stove. Two weeks before it ended he had a small Christmas tree, little lights and decorations delivered to my house because he knew I wasn't going to get all my big stuff out as I was leaving to see family for the holidays. Cute stuff. Mentioned he was getting a key to his house made for me. Serious stuff.

 

So then why the distance? I know he said he didn't think he was being distant but he was. Why have an online dating site that you actively log into if you are giving a girlfriend a key to your house? Why give her a key if you're not really talking much? How do you not have anything to really say but then invite her to your club Christmas party?

 

So confused.

 

Worst of all is we have a mutual friend who really thinks I should move on and not look back. (Argh.. She also likes to tell me about him occasionally which isn't helping). My pride is obviously a big factor. I don't want to look like a doormat to him let alone a mutual friend if I decide to contact him about this.

[Simon Phoenix]

Argh again. Sorry. Just more to get off my chest.

 

I go between thinking he was never really invested in this relationship. He's not one to talk about feelings and so I guess I went by his actions. He didn't like to talk on the phone so we texted almost all of our communication! He didn't so the same little things as when we first started dating. Little stuff that added up. I wasn't really hearing much from him a week or so before we broke up.

 

But.. He was a good partner and very thoughtful. Reorganized his kitchen because I thought it was a bit odd to have cookware away from the stove and a junk drawer next to the stove. Two weeks before it ended he had a small Christmas tree, little lights and decorations delivered to my house because he knew I wasn't going to get all my big stuff out as I was leaving to see family for the holidays. Cute stuff. Mentioned he was getting a key to his house made for me. Serious stuff.

 

So then why the distance? I know he said he didn't think he was being distant but he was. Why have an online dating site that you actively log into if you are giving a girlfriend a key to your house? Why give her a key if you're not really talking much? How do you not have anything to really say but then invite her to your club Christmas party?

 

So confused.

 

Worst of all is we have a mutual friend who really thinks I should move on and not look back. (Argh.. She also likes to tell me about him occasionally which isn't helping). My pride is obviously a big factor. I don't want to look like a doormat to him let alone a mutual friend if I decide to contact him about this.

 

I mean, you broke it, if you want it fixed, it's up to you to make the first move. He's not going to, especially this early. If you trust your reasons for breaking up with him, hold fast to them. But you can't expect a guy you broke up with to break his back trying to win you back. This ain't Hollywood.

[devilish innocent]

He wanted to maintain all the things he enjoyed about being with you, while at the same time keeping his options open to meet somebody else. You really should have ended things back when you felt things were still casual after 5 months. If you're looking for a serious relationship, what is the point of continuing to invest yourself in a relationship that hadn't moved anywhere? It seems like things between you had already been doomed since at least that point.

 

I'm guessing that you're hurting for the same reasons a lot of people hurt after a break-up. You enjoyed your time with him. You wanted to believe you were more special to him. You were dreaming of a better future. Now you have to let go of all of that. It may take some time to heal.

[OhThatGirl]

Yet again I get the same thoughts from others that I've had on my own.

 

So I guess the question really comes down to.. Is this something I can move past? Is this something I would be willing to forgive if everything else fell into place.

 

Well... Maybe. But the chances of everything falling into place aren't likely. I think I know it wasn't going to work out. Rather, I think I know it was a long shot that I would be fulfilled and get what I need from this relationship in the long run. But again.. These are my thoughts. I FEEL differently. Sometimes I even think otherwise.

 

I do know that until I'm sure of what I want to do or say, I had best say nothing at all. If he contacts me Id be happy to talk to him about it. If he doesn't.. OK. I don't think I want to be back in a relationship with him. (Again, I feel otherwise) and I'm afraid if I were back together with him it would ultimately be wasting my time. He doesn't seem to know what he wants out of life in regards to marriage and kids and by his age I'm thinking if he wanted it, he would have realized it.

 

I better just be hurt and move on. Until I'm sure of what kind of conversation Id like to have, talking to him would just hurt the both of us.

 

Argh. Wish I knew what I was doing. I feel unsettled. It's hard to move on when things aren't so cut and dry.

[OhThatGirl]

Well, I broke NC. Was out drinking with a friend, came home and happened to find zoo tickets the ex and I hadn't used. Texted him telling him I miss him and that I just wish he had been able to say he wanted something else. He told me he missed me too and was happy with what we had and where it was going.

 

I didn't know what else to say, we said good night.

 

More confused. Go figure!

[Simon Phoenix]

Well, I broke NC. Was out drinking with a friend, came home and happened to find zoo tickets the ex and I hadn't used. Texted him telling him I miss him and that I just wish he had been able to say he wanted something else. He told me he missed me too and was happy with what we had and where it was going.

 

I didn't know what else to say, we said good night.

 

More confused. Go figure!

 

So you basically just threw him a breadcrumb. I mean, if you want him back, it's up to you to do the heavy lifting. If you don't, it's best you leave him alone.

[OhThatGirl]

I'm not sure I agree. I feel like he violated trust I had in him and though I'm technically the "dumper" it would be on him to do the heavy lifting.

 

I feel like for anything to work he would have to put some effort in, tell me why if "he was happy with what we had and where it was going" he continued to log in to an online dating profile. I want to know what he gained from it. Variety? Female attention? Keeping his eye out for something he thought was better? He was pissed at me and felt better when he saw other women had expressed interest? Felt nervous about giving me a key and wanted to look to see if he really thought he was doing the best he could?

 

I don't know. I sent him the text because it's how I was feeling. If it's a breadcrumb then so be it. I understand the NC ideas and mostly agree with ignoring breadcrumbs and them being false hope and whatnot. This isn't the usual dumper breadcrumb. I told him how I felt. He told me how he felt. I now know what questions I still have. I will ask them. If it doesn't move towards fixing this relationship it at least gives some answers.

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm not sure I agree. I feel like he violated trust I had in him and though I'm technically the "dumper" it would be on him to do the heavy lifting.

 

I feel like for anything to work he would have to put some effort in, tell me why if "he was happy with what we had and where it was going" he continued to log in to an online dating profile. I want to know what he gained from it. Variety? Female attention? Keeping his eye out for something he thought was better? He was pissed at me and felt better when he saw other women had expressed interest? Felt nervous about giving me a key and wanted to look to see if he really thought he was doing the best he could?

 

I don't know. I sent him the text because it's how I was feeling. If it's a breadcrumb then so be it. I understand the NC ideas and mostly agree with ignoring breadcrumbs and them being false hope and whatnot. This isn't the usual dumper breadcrumb. I told him how I felt. He told me how he felt. I now know what questions I still have. I will ask them. If it doesn't move towards fixing this relationship it at least gives some answers.

 

I mean, either he violated your trust or he didn't. If he did, stick to your guns. If it's something solvable, you have to do most of the work because you broke up with him. There's nothing wrong with ending a relationship that you don't feel good about, but you can't expect him to jump through hoops. Even if he is in the wrong, he won't necessarily do that because he's basically doing all the work when you broke it up. This is something you should have done before breaking it off, not now.

 

I would try to decide what your endgame is before doing anything else. This is a dangerous game you are playing right now -- you might want to come up with a game plan instead of flying by the seat of your pants.

[OhThatGirl]

My current plan was to discuss it. I When we initially broke up I was angry and didn't want to hear from him. I figured if it was worthwhile he would say his piece anyway.

 

He didn't. I figured I would give him the opportunity to say it now. Maybe with the dust having settled we could discuss it and I could see whether it was worth working on or not.

 

It resulted in him saying "I was curious. It was just entertaining. But I was happy with you and what we had. But you know everything and you've made your decision." I kind of get it. But it's still BS. And I was calm and nice while saying "I thought we were something more serious. You wanted to see what else there is. That's what I know."

 

This is obviously the short version.

 

And zero response back.

 

Should have just f*cking stuck to NC. Lesson learned.

 

Argh.

 

Oh well.

[Jejangles]

I've been lurking on these boards the last few months, but OhThatGirl, you inspired me to join!

 

I think you definitely made the right decision to end the relationship, and I highly recommend looking up emotionally unavailable men and the Baggage Reclaim website. I went through a similar experience recently with a guy for three months of dating - felt like we were getting closer, he did lots of sweet "relationship" type things for me, and yet after a while it felt like things had stopped moving. He would only ever chat to me via messenger and it started to feel like he was happy to keep me as a text buddy rather than a girlfriend / someone he wanted to see in person.

 

I told him I was looking for something that was building and progressing, he used the word "casual" and I realised things were going nowhere. In retrospect, he was keeping me at a distance (due to his own personal issues) and I could have hung around for months hanging onto the "sweet moments", but in reality I wasn't happy with that and I would have just been delaying the inevitable.

 

All this to say, I think your guy is emotionally unavailable. Of course he's happy with how things are, he's getting all his girlfriend needs met without actually having to commit to anything! Start up NC again and move on. I know it sucks, it's been a week for me since I ended things and I still feel a bit down, but it will get better. You'll be happier being finished with that uncertain state.

[Jejangles]

About 5 months in I felt it was still very "casual" in that we weren't becoming consistent figures in each other's lives so I explained this to him, told him I knew I wanted something serious and it didn't seem that would happen with him and that I would see other people. He said ok, maintaining that he would not sleep with me if I were sleeping with anyone else. I agreed of course.

 

This is so similar to my situation a week ago. I asked if we were going anywhere, he said he wanted to keep it casual but that he wasn't seeing anyone else and I said I wasn't either. So we agreed to be "exclusively casual", until I slept on it, realized how crappy that felt and let him know the next day it was over. If he's OK with you seeing other people after 5 months, he's either "just not that into you" or he's emotionally unavailable. Regardless of the why, you need to move on, because this guy cannot meet your needs!

[OhThatGirl]

So. Sent him a message today saying that he's exactly right. It doesn't matter what he says. He will never say the things I need to hear to move past this and so for us to continue talking about it gets us nowhere. I wished him the best.

 

Blocked him on everything. Not because I'm afraid he will try to contact me but rather I just don't want to see his name or what he's doing and be tempted to yet again see if he has morphed into the guy I need him to be. He hasn't. He won't. And I'm not ok with the guy he is.

 

Bummer.

[OhThatGirl]

I've been lurking on these boards the last few months, but OhThatGirl, you inspired me to join!

 

I think you definitely made the right decision to end the relationship, and I highly recommend looking up emotionally unavailable men and the Baggage Reclaim website. I went through a similar experience recently with a guy for three months of dating - felt like we were getting closer, he did lots of sweet "relationship" type things for me, and yet after a while it felt like things had stopped moving. He would only ever chat to me via messenger and it started to feel like he was happy to keep me as a text buddy rather than a girlfriend / someone he wanted to see in person.

 

I told him I was looking for something that was building and progressing, he used the word "casual" and I realised things were going nowhere. In retrospect, he was keeping me at a distance (due to his own personal issues) and I could have hung around for months hanging onto the "sweet moments", but in reality I wasn't happy with that and I would have just been delaying the inevitable.

 

All this to say, I think your guy is emotionally unavailable. Of course he's happy with how things are, he's getting all his girlfriend needs met without actually having to commit to anything! Start up NC again and move on. I know it sucks, it's been a week for me since I ended things and I still feel a bit down, but it will get better. You'll be happier being finished with that uncertain state.

 

Awesome! I'm happy I could inspire you to join.

 

I've read the Baggage Reclaim stuff. It helps get some understanding and reassure me boundaries are a good thing but I hate to label someone as "emotionally unavailable" and just instead figure "I wasn't the right person" or "they're not looking for the same things I am".. I don't know if there are really so many emotionally unavailable men or just women that wanted something more and didn't get it.

 

If there are emotionally unavailable men though, he's one of em.

 

I'm glad you drew a line and stuck to it. I drew the line a few times over the last year.. And then I would end up moving the line. Lol

 

I've got some things to work on.. I tend to want the guy that doesn't give very much. The problem is, when they're not giving very much it's either because they can't or they don't want to. That doesn't work well for long term healthy relationships. On the other hand I am so turned off by men that come on too strong, chase me, don't have their own life, or talk excessively about their feelings. There has to be someone that has the right balance! Someone between "way too available and needy" and yet "indifferent and emotionally closed off" right?! Somewhere? :-/

 

*sigh* Time to work on being the kind of girl I would want to date. It's interesting that if I'm honest, I have higher expectations for those I date than I do myself. Terrible.

 

Keep me updated on how things are going. I could have saved myself some trouble had I been willing to say enough is enough at 3 months. Instead it got to the point of comfort and me adjusting to his scale of verbal intimacy. When he said "I liked you a lot" it was huge. That's really kind of insane that I accept this little bit of nothing for being a big deal.

[OhThatGirl]

Ooooohhh man.

 

I should have never brought it up with him. Never should have asked more questions and looked for answers. I knew he wasn't capable of doing what it would take to make it better. I should have just kept feeling "ok" when he said it was curiosity, he missed me, and was happy with what we had.

 

Instead now I'm left with bullsh*t answers and zero control. I'm the one that tried to keep talking when he said it didn't matter what he said and quit the conversation.

 

Yep. Poked the wound. It's still bleeding. Got it.

 

Wish I could skip forward to a few weeks NC. Oh well. Each day should get better.

 

Right?

Edited January 23, 2014 by OhThatGirl

[Jejangles]

Ooooohhh man.

 

I should have never brought it up with him. Never should have asked more questions and looked for answers. I knew he wasn't capable of doing what it would take to make it better. I should have just kept feeling "ok" when he said it was curiosity, he missed me, and was happy with what we had.

 

Instead now I'm left with bullsh*t answers and zero control. I'm the one that tried to keep talking when he said it didn't matter what he said and quit the conversation.

 

Yep. Poked the wound. It's still bleeding. Got it.

 

Wish I could skip forward to a few weeks NC. Oh well. Each day should get better.

 

Right?

 

Each day will get better! And you do have control. You ended it when he crossed a line you couldn't handle (logging online). And you have now blocked him and gone no contact. He is too passive, checked out, uninterested, emotionally detached, whatever, to be the guy you want and deserve. So now you can lick your wounds, learn from the relationship and when you're ready get out there and meet someone great.

 

Don't kick yourself for reaching out to him. Just use it as affirmation that you made the right decision. And maintain NC moving forward - this guy cannot meet your needs, even as you're breaking up.

 

Also, don't kick yourself for spending a year with him. My friends keep saying how strong I am for ending things after 3 months. But honestly, I just lucked out with an honest guy. When I told him what I would need to keep dating him, he told me he's not emotionally in a good place to meet those needs. I think once I raised the issue, even if I had tried to keep dating him, he would have ended it. So it was an easy decision to make. Well, easy in the sense I don't think I had a whole lot of choice...

[OhThatGirl]

Each day will get better! And you do have control. You ended it when he crossed a line you couldn't handle (logging online). And you have now blocked him and gone no contact. He is too passive, checked out, uninterested, emotionally detached, whatever, to be the guy you want and deserve. So now you can lick your wounds, learn from the relationship and when you're ready get out there and meet someone great.

 

Don't kick yourself for reaching out to him. Just use it as affirmation that you made the right decision. And maintain NC moving forward - this guy cannot meet your needs, even as you're breaking up.

 

Also, don't kick yourself for spending a year with him. My friends keep saying how strong I am for ending things after 3 months. But honestly, I just lucked out with an honest guy. When I told him what I would need to keep dating him, he told me he's not emotionally in a good place to meet those needs. I think once I raised the issue, even if I had tried to keep dating him, he would have ended it. So it was an easy decision to make. Well, easy in the sense I don't think I had a whole lot of choice...

 

 

So so true. Thank you for the support.

 

I was panicking a bit last night but today is a thousand times better. I gave him the chance at a relationship. He clearly didn't want what I had in mind. Moving on.

 

Your line about him not meeting my needs even as we break up is spot on.

 

Thank you again.

[OhThatGirl]

Is it possible that something can just click and you've realized you've given enough to a dead end situation? Does it happen like that? Never had this experience before and thought "ah, I'm happy I'm feeling better about this.. I'll wait for the fallout that is sure to follow" but then nothing bad came. I haven't reread the texts to analyze the conversation further. I haven't felt it necessary to unblock/browse/peek at anything that would give me information about what he's doing. Nothing. If anything I feel like I just got done watching a romance movie and look forward to finding someone new with whom I've got chemistry.

 

Huh? This is different. Even recently when I've objectively known this is how I should feel I've been sulking, curious, feeling sad, missing him, and regretting the end of the relationship. Suddenly... nothing?

 

In fact the only reason I'm bothering to ask about this is because a mutual friend asked if I wanted to bring my dog over for a play date. My ex's dog will be there (our dogs got along well, ex is a pilot and travels which is likely why his dog is there and he isn't.) First instinct was YEP! My dog would love it!

 

But then.. I'm concerned it may set me back? I'm still not entirely sure why I suddenly feel so less than concerned about this relationship being over and I don't want that to change. I tried to imagine in what circumstances it could go wrong and I feel only if she told me he was in a new relationship would I feel a bit put off. She does have a habit of talking about him but I think it's because she still thinks it's relevant. Pretty sure if I asked her to avoid talking about him she would.

 

Do I try it? Maybe just for an hour or two with the understanding I don't want to know what is going on with my ex?

[OhThatGirl]

Feeling better was short lived. I declined the mutual friend's offer for a doggy play date and spent the time thinking about him and our relationship anyway.

 

I am dissecting each of our roles in how things played out. I'm trying to guess what he feels. I'm thinking about it again in general. Not a good thing since thought the last few days I had made huge progress and was well on my way to moving on. Eh.. I still might be. I did keep pretty low key this weekend and the free time may be responsible for my mind being able to wander back to him.

 

Still frustrated with myself for giving this ANY of my time and thought when I know he's likely not feeling too bad about it (otherwise he would have been more proactive during our conversations to prevent me from leaving.) Maybe more importantly I'm frustrated that I know better and that I don't want him back (eh, short term it might feel ok but long term not so much) and that it's better this happened. Better I found out or I could have continued putting more time and emotional investment in something that is surely not what I really want.

 

Just ranting.

 

Being the dumper isn't always easier. He's so passive we could have continued dating for God knows how long. He made zero effort to tell me anything was lacking/bothering him. He made zero attempt to end things. He wasn't actively taking steps to move things forward either. He just went along for the ride.

 

It's all so blah. It probably feels worse to be outright rejected but it must be easier in some regards.

 

Ok. End rant.

[Jejangles]

Feeling better was short lived. I declined the mutual friend's offer for a doggy play date and spent the time thinking about him and our relationship anyway.

 

I am dissecting each of our roles in how things played out. I'm trying to guess what he feels. I'm thinking about it again in general. Not a good thing since thought the last few days I had made huge progress and was well on my way to moving on. Eh.. I still might be. I did keep pretty low key this weekend and the free time may be responsible for my mind being able to wander back to him.

 

Still frustrated with myself for giving this ANY of my time and thought when I know he's likely not feeling too bad about it (otherwise he would have been more proactive during our conversations to prevent me from leaving.) Maybe more importantly I'm frustrated that I know better and that I don't want him back (eh, short term it might feel ok but long term not so much) and that it's better this happened. Better I found out or I could have continued putting more time and emotional investment in something that is surely not what I really want.

 

Just ranting.

 

Being the dumper isn't always easier. He's so passive we could have continued dating for God knows how long. He made zero effort to tell me anything was lacking/bothering him. He made zero attempt to end things. He wasn't actively taking steps to move things forward either. He just went along for the ride.

 

It's all so blah. It probably feels worse to be outright rejected but it must be easier in some regards.

 

Ok. End rant.

 

Yeah, I'm not surprised. I think the healing is a forward and back type of thing. I felt GREAT a couple of days after ending things, then down the next, and so on. I'm two weeks out (after only three months of dating mind you) and I think I'm pretty much moved on. I understand why it happened the way it did, why it was for the best and what to look out for in future. You have a year to move on from, so it will take longer most likely, but I'm sure soon you will find yourself thinking about him less and less...

 

I'm at the point where it just feels really exhausting to think about getting out there and dating new people again! I think I'm going to try getting back out there in February, just give myself a few more days break time.