fingerless_fisherman Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 hi everyone, thanks in advance for reading this. this forum seems like an amazing place and, just reading through other posts, i have gotten some measure of comfort. my girlfriend and i were together for 3 years and recently broke up at the beginning of october last year. we were still communicating through november, but have stopped talking since december. we lived together for 2 of those years, up until she moved out when we broke up. it was a sort of mutual breakup - she was unhappy living with me and i was tired of feeling helpless in the relationship. i was going through a difficult time in my life and she was upset at me because i was withdrawing from her and not actively pursuing a social life. she had a lot of anger issues and became a very bitter, petty person. some of her behavior over the course of the relationship was borderline abusive - striking me once with no reason, insulting my family in front of our friends, being condescending toward everything i did. i honestly think the domestic situation we were in was grating heavily on our relationship, driving us both crazy and exacerbating our negative qualities. the whole situation was turning toxic quickly, and when she finally told me she wanted to break up for good, i was almost relieved. i said that i fully agreed and we should go our separate ways because we were different people. it took about a month of being without her to realize that i really missed her. like, a lot. i would stay awake at night crying, i lost 20 pounds because i couldn't eat. going through the good times in my head, i really missed the people that we were when we fell in love. both of us were perfect for each other. we talked about getting married, having kids. we could talk without talking, and always knew what the other was thinking. it sounds lame, but we had a really metaphysical connection. so like a total idiot, i sent her a text message in november saying that i really needed to see her because i was not doing well. she agreed to talk and we met up - i promptly told her that i really missed her, and that i was doing well but also thought we could maybe start seeing one another again, but slower this time. she was very quiet and said that it wasn't going to happen, and that she hoped i would be more communicative with my "next girlfriend". i of course was upset by this, although when we finished talking she said that she loved me. a few weeks later, she texted me asking for some dumb thing she left at my house (our old apartment where i am still living). i told her that yes, i'd leave it outside in a box. she asked how i was and hoped i was well, and she wished my family well. i told her that i hoped we could still reconcile, that we had a fantastic thing going on, once, and she said..."call me in a year." we haven't spoken since then, and i'm getting better with time. i've been reading a lot of books about the psychology of healing, as well as going to therapy and connecting the dots between my childhood and my abandonment issues (which were all ignited by the breakup). so, i'm doing really positive self-healing work and making a lot of progress with that. but i just don't feel like any of it means anything without her. she was everything to me. i don't know what "call me in a year" means - i was applying to grad schools all last month and don't know where i'm going to be in a year. i'm confused and i don't know what to do. thanks so much for reading my story. please help!
flightplan Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 It means exactly what she said. She's open to seeing you again and the changes you've made in that year. But do it for you, not her. You may or may not be able to reconcile in a year because if you keep working on yourself, you may not want her back in a year. I kind of have the same plan. I'm not reaching out to my ex for another year at the minimum because I want enough time to pass that I wouldn't give a shyte if she took me back or not. If I do reach out, it'll be on my terms and if I don't, then I don't. Hang in there buddy, work on you and forget her for the next year.
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