WP4046 Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 She has been living with a guy for about a year and together for 2 years and she has started asking him......."when are we going to get married' And he was like........."I have to save up for the ring" And she then says...."Why can't you put the ring on your credit card? LOL... That's does it, I want a permanent friends with benefits forever lol
Philosoraptor Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 After two years it's perfectly reasonable to desire a further commitment. While her asking for him to put it on his card might have been a stretch you are not privy to all of their conversations. This may be a frequent topic in which he has made excuses or promises that he has not kept. Time is valuable and if two people are not going in the same direction then it's best they find someone that wants the same life path. On his end most jewelers offer a zero interest 12-18 month payment plan. No reason if one truly wants to go that direction that it can't be done. On her end is she willing to accept a 100$ ring? Is it about the jewelry or about the commitment? In summary: Don't base your major life decisions on a cherry picked piece of a conversation you were not privy to. 6
soccerrprp Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 She has been living with a guy for about a year and together for 2 years and she has started asking him......."when are we going to get married' And he was like........."I have to save up for the ring" And she then says...."Why can't you put the ring on your credit card? LOL... That's does it, I want a permanent friends with benefits forever lol Which part of the alleged conversation do you fear? The asking to place the purchase of the ring on a credit card OR the commitment? 1
mammasita Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Precisely why I will never co-habitate ever again prior to being engaged, having a date set, invitations sent - $hit I may as well be married before I move in with anyone ever again 4
Author WP4046 Posted January 16, 2014 Author Posted January 16, 2014 Which part of the alleged conversation do you fear? The asking to place the purchase of the ring on a credit card OR the commitment? I fear that a woman will one day want me to go in debt so I can put a ring on her finger instead of being more understanding of my financial situation
isisisweeping Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 I fear that a woman will one day want me to go in debt so I can put a ring on her finger instead of being more understanding of my financial situation My ex husband and I bought super cheap rings on EBay, and he was not in dire financial straits. My first boyfriend bought me a fancy engagement ring on credit, but I didn't ask him to and I have it back when we broke up even though it was a birthday present. My most recent boyfriend bought me a diamond engagement ring that was conservative relative to his income- again didn't ask, and I tried to give it back though he refused to take it. I would say most women care far more about the person and the commitment than the price tag. And the women who care about the dollar should be easy to spot. Waiting to save up for a ring does sound like an excuse.
Shepp Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 I fear that a woman will one day want me to go in debt so I can put a ring on her finger instead of being more understanding of my financial situation He could put a ring on her finger for tenner if it was that important to get married and buy her a better one later on. Id say your buddys buying time before he has to commit!
Author WP4046 Posted January 16, 2014 Author Posted January 16, 2014 He could put a ring on her finger for tenner if it was that important to get married and buy her a better one later on. Id say your buddys buying time before he has to commit! I don't understand the whole pressuring someone to marry you. If a guy wants to marry I'm sure he would propose. Forcing someone into marriage is stupid
Shepp Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 I don't understand the whole pressuring someone to marry you. If a guy wants to marry I'm sure he would propose. Forcing someone into marriage is stupid Right, I agree totally. But at the same time you need to be straight with the other person, if marriage isn't going to happen at all or at least for a while you owe it to be honest about that. And if the girl chooses to walk to find a guy who does want to marry her then you cant really argue with that. 1
soccerrprp Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 I don't understand the whole pressuring someone to marry you. If a guy wants to marry I'm sure he would propose. Forcing someone into marriage is stupid Ideally, there should be no pressure. If the guy wants something much more serious, he should have some plan to propose. If he doesn't, like Shepp says, he should be up front and let her know. At least let her know what kind of timeline he has in mind. It sounds like this girl wants an idea of what's going on. And really, your friend may be honest about waiting to save money for a ring, but that same line is used to avoid further commitment too. Like others have said, it doesn't have to be too expensive or he could get a temporary ring until he has saved enough for something nicer. All in all, the two of them have to talk about this. I see resentment from either or both if they don't clear the air.
mammasita Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 He's blowing smoke up her a55. You can get a ring from Walmart for 300 dollars. Honestly, why should he propose? They already live together, sleep together, eat together - do everything together I assume. What does he gain my marrying her at this point?........ aaaaaaaand she's pressuring him. I wouldn't if I were him.
soccerrprp Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Most American women have no interest in actually knowing a man, marrying him and spending the rest of their lives with him. They are interested in marrying the concept of having a ring on their finger, of bragging to their friends, of having their princess day/"wedding day" etc. Any woman that asks you to go into debt for her own vain and selfish reason is NOT the type of woman you want to get married to. I feel bad for your beta friend. That ring is just the first onslaught. Soon, it will be the wedding ceremony aka princess day, the caterers, the food, the dress, the hall, parking, the invitations, music/DJ, presents and much more. For that one day, she gets to feel like the vain little princess she has dreamed of since she was 6 years old. Trust me, I've worked on the wedding industry. Once her little fairy tale day is over, she's no longer the center of attention, then the reality of the marriage sets in. She suddenly has these little things she can't stand about you, suddenly she doesn't like sex so much anymore. All that sex you were used to getting was just part of her bait. Once she has her desired number of offsprings from you, she figures what does she even need you for again? She had gotten her ring and attention day. She has her desired number of kids and she can even get a house and monthly allowance if she gets rid of you. And do the divorce begins... Oh, man. I got lucky then having been married to a woman that was nothing like this for 12+ years. And involved with a woman now who doesn't want a wedding so we can use that money for traveling, other less stressful things. Both American women... 1
isisisweeping Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Yeah, they're very few of those now. Enjoy what you have. A woman should be an addition to your wealth not a detraction. As an American woman, I'm not sure you know what you're talking about here.... Of course, if you assume something about a group of people, you will only see those who support your belief and dismiss others.
FitChick Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 No one needs an engagement ring nor do they need a big wedding. 2
CrystalCastles Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 No one needs an engagement ring nor do they need a big wedding. ^There's always more of an emphasis on these two things than actually planning out how you're going to live with your spouse for the rest of your life. That's why I often see really big, lavish weddings, and marriages following that last only one or two years. Sad. My dad never gave my mom an engagement ring. He couldn't afford it (my parents lived in the Soviet Union at the time, and were poor like everyone else there). They had a simple wedding, only immediate family was present, and they've been married for 24 years (and still madly in love to this day!). It sounds like your friend and his woman need to sit down and have a chat. Does she want an expensive wedding and engagement ring? Or something simple? And what does he want? Is he planning on doing all of this, but has a longer timeline than her? Someone on LS wrote about their boyfriend proposing after living 7 years together (she never pressured him, accepted the situation the way it was because she was happy where she was, and he eventually proposed on his own accord).
regine_phalange Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 That's why I won't move in with anybody without an engagement ring. I like living alone too much to sacrifice it for someone who is "maybe later".
ExpatInItaly Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Does your friend want to marry her? Or is he just biding his time? There are women who pressure men to get married. But there are also men who don't have the guts to tell their girlfriends they don't want to marry them. This goes both ways.
Eau Claire Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Some women embarrass the rest up of us. Hint...if this guy wanted to get married, he'd have got a ring..25 cents or $2500. Also, why would an adult not want to start a marriage off on a sound financial basis? If younger in Life I'd never marry a man who couldn't buy a ring with cash unless he had just finished college and had started a quality job. It's 2013. The real issue for most women is not marriage but having a solid relationship to have children. There is little pressure in our society to get married (the majority of adults are not married). If a woman can't get a commitment then don't force it. Accept the situation or walk away. It's not just about finding a willing husband but a willing father to your children. Someone who is 100% committed to being the best father in the world.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 (edited) As I've said for years a weeding ring can be had a certain big box stores for about $25-30 US. The wedding can be done at the court house for $40, and the reception can be had over a bucket of fried Chicken for another $20. Anyone who wants to go into debt just to be married unless there is some very strong family tradition at work here, is someone to run from. On his end most jewelers offer a zero interest 12-18 month payment plan. No reason if one truly wants to go that direction that it can't be done. On her end is she willing to accept a 100$ ring? Is it about the jewelry or about the commitment? If this is a 20 something woman, especially a young one, odds are it's about: Having the ring to show off. Having the big wedding to show off. ....basically showing off. Everything except being committed to someone for life. Too often that is just what it is about for many young women. Heck, right down to who they choose to marry. It's all about how that wedding album will look. Edited January 16, 2014 by Mrlonelyone
Author WP4046 Posted January 17, 2014 Author Posted January 17, 2014 As I've said for years a weeding ring can be had a certain big box stores for about $25-30 US. The wedding can be done at the court house for $40, and the reception can be had over a bucket of fried Chicken for another $20. Anyone who wants to go into debt just to be married unless there is some very strong family tradition at work here, is someone to run from. If this is a 20 something woman, especially a young one, odds are it's about: Having the ring to show off. Having the big wedding to show off. ....basically showing off. Everything except being committed to someone for life. Too often that is just what it is about for many young women. Heck, right down to who they choose to marry. It's all about how that wedding album will look. she turns 34 this month
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