mirage12 Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 It's been about 9 weeks since we BU and maybe 1.5 weeks of NC. We split, at least in part, because we are both starting high stress/time consuming careers, her job even more so than mine. After speaking recently to some friends at similar jobs, I'm starting to understand how perhaps I was asking for too much towards the end (we broke up one month after she began working). I thought I was being as patient and understanding as possible but after listening to the similar pressure/work schedules that my friends are also undergoing, I realize that I was maybe still being too "needy." She had explained to me about how life was going to change once she began her career, how she was going to need time to figure it out, and I heard her but I'm not sure I fully understood what that meant until it was too late. We also did a poor job communicating about it. I treated her so well and I know we loved each other/that she didn't want to breakup, so I'm not saying this because I necessarily blame myself for anything. But I've been thinking about it more recently and I want so bad to reach out and tell her that I get it now (or at least I understand a little more about what she's goin through), and I wish I could say to her that I now know that I was still asking for more than she could give in that last month, in terms of attention and time. I already know that telling her that now is a little too late but I still want to say something about it badly. Thoughts?
pickflicker Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 No. I think you've asked several times to find a way to break NC, and there is no reason to suggest that now is any different. It is up to her, to contact you.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 No matter how many times you ask the same question, the answer is the same. Lawyer tricks don't work here. 2
Author mirage12 Posted January 16, 2014 Author Posted January 16, 2014 Hahaha Simon, it's funny you say that because you're right...I do that without even thinking about it, it's how I've been conditioned to think (ugh). I know that you're both right of course, which is why my post wasn't really intending to say that I was going to reach out. I've been doing better, thinking about her less, drowning myself in work/friend activities, staying off her Facebook, etc. I just hate how the realization has hit that maybe I wasn't quite as understanding as I thought I was being towards the end, so I'm getting hit with angst over the fact that maybe I could've been a little better to save it. I know contacting isn't going to change anything/make me feel better but for some reason, even knowing that doesn't stop me from still wanting to.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Hahaha Simon, it's funny you say that because you're right...I do that without even thinking about it, it's how I've been conditioned to think (ugh). I know that you're both right of course, which is why my post wasn't really intending to say that I was going to reach out. I've been doing better, thinking about her less, drowning myself in work/friend activities, staying off her Facebook, etc. I just hate how the realization has hit that maybe I wasn't quite as understanding as I thought I was being towards the end, so I'm getting hit with angst over the fact that maybe I could've been a little better to save it. I know contacting isn't going to change anything/make me feel better but for some reason, even knowing that doesn't stop me from still wanting to. A dead relationship is not the result of what one person did or didn't do (unless it's cheating). I mean, could you have been more understanding? Sure, but so could she. Instead of trying to understand your lack of understanding, she fled. I mean, it's normal to ruminate a bit and beat yourself up over what you could have done or should have done or what you shouldn't have done, but that's a two-sided coin. As you further remove yourself you'll realize that. And yes, your lawyer thought process isn't helping you right now. You still have the urge to cross-examine your ex on this stuff. However, you aren't contesting a personal injury claim here. 2
2fargone Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 However, you aren't contesting a personal injury claim here. That's a bit debateable, isn't it ?
jphcbpa Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Best to learn from this and apply it to a future R
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