dozer561 Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 copied from my BU post, but i wanted to isolate this little tidbit. As a dumpee, of a relationship that ended not because of cheating or abuse.. obviously i did not want it to end. One thing that makes me really sad is the thought of being forgotten, i know they will never FORGET you, but when you become just a part of someones past and no longer thought of, knowing that, just cuts right through the soul. Even though i shouldn't care, i care. Because i loved her and she was a part of my life for so long....7YRS. Hopefully i can get to that point of forgetting and moving on, But this makes me very sad as well that i have to erase someone from my life, and maybe one day i will do the very same thing pushing them to a faded memory i never really think of. Its something i struggle with when you are with someone for so long as their "present tense" thoughts, and future thoughts, and now you are being pushed to just a memory. I KNOW this is irrational thinking, it just sucks no matter what way i look at it... I suppose it is just a fear of letting go. Or more importantly, KNOWING that "I" am being let go. I am trying to let go as well, but i am still in early stages of BU Thought process. Maybe a year from now i wouldnt even think to write this post, but wondered if it is normal to think like this to some degree? Thoughts? 2
jphcbpa Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 I dated someone for 7 years too. That ended 10 years ago. Since that time I have had great women in my life. Her and I are still in touch today (just recently started again). There is nothing there but memories...most of which I forgot...she brought some up and could not remember what she was referring to. Bottom line is that when the BU is fresh all we think about are the good times and often do not look a the R from an outsiders perspective because we are too emotional about it. Just know that this too shall pass and another person will take their place. You will always have your memories. 4
LostConfused123 Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Yep. Every day. It's becoming less and less though. In my situation there was no cheating, abuse, lying etc so I do find solace in the fact that he will always have fond memories of me. I don't know, still sucks! 1
firefly2613 Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 All the time. She left and married someone else soon after, and now she takes happy pictures with him and they go places together that used to be "our places" and they even order foods that used to be our favorites. She wore her prom dress as a Halloween costume to be his "queen", and yet still wears the necklace I got her not too long ago, probably to prove how much I don't matter. Two and a half years and she erased every bit of it for "the love of her life" while I'm left to pick up the pieces and she tells everyone how she is so happy every chance she gets. 1
Mondmellonw Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 I ended my RL because of manipulating, and abuse. But it was this kind of abuse is not that easy to see. He started something else about... hm, after a week post BU. So, yeah, it sucked. I felt like I was easy to use, easy to forget, and easy to discard. All I can do is that I shouldn't care about him not remembering me. It is gonna be much better if he never comes back.
Survivor12 Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 You're not alone...heck, there's even a song about feeling that way GOTYE LYRICS - Somebody That I Used To Know 4
Author dozer561 Posted January 16, 2014 Author Posted January 16, 2014 thanks guys, i by no means wanted to stir up anyone elses emotions, or bring them down by my post, just wanted to make sure i wasn't just crazy. Just sucks that is the way it has to be. 1
lollipopspot Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 I KNOW this is irrational thinking, it just sucks no matter what way i look at it... I suppose it is just a fear of letting go. Or more importantly, KNOWING that "I" am being let go. I am trying to let go as well, but i am still in early stages of BU Thought process. Maybe a year from now i wouldnt even think to write this post, but wondered if it is normal to think like this to some degree? It's not irrational. Change can be hard, especially when you didn't want it. After 7 years, you won't be "forgotten," you will just occupy a different place in her thoughts. I don't know your relationship, but is it possible that after time you can become friends? I'm very good friends with one of my exes. I certainly don't feel forgotten - I'm an active part of his life and expect I will be so long into the future. It took awhile to get to that place of being friends - he had an affair and it broke up our relationship. But I truly love him as friend now and completely forgive the past. If you loved someone, that love doesn't have to go away because you break up, it can just change into a different form
an_also Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 I think it's a natural thought process to have. I'm six months post BU and the being forgotten fear was strong in the first few months...among a zillion things. Time does seem to make the feelings less intense though. I think it's tough to accept the fact that you were so integral in someone's life and then you can become just become a fleeting memory. Scary stuff but natural to feel that way. 1
Recommended Posts