Dox Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 We were in her room when I came across a cross necklace thats engraved "I love you my queen". I asked her about it and she said it was from her ex. I pretended it didn't bother me and placed it back and we continued on with what we were doing. That was almost a month ago, it didn't bother me as much until I saw his name on her snapchat contact list 2 days ago. Now apparently this guy was really mean to her, I'm not going to go into details but he was a psycho. This really bothers me that she still has a necklace from a guy that made her life miserable. She blocked him on fb and yet she still has him on her snapchat. She says she really likes me, she talks about our future together (we've only been going out for 2 months), I make her happy etc... But I don't know anymore, I'm doubting our relationship everyday and its making me unhappy. What do I do?
d0nnivain Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 I have jewelry from several EXs. I don't give a hoot about the guys any more but the jewelry was nice enough. I don't connect the pieces to them but yes I can tell you where I got them. I have had one piece for 20 + years now & no I'm not getting ride of it. In fact DH bought me earrings that look stunning with the necklace. 2
pteromom Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 I think still having him on snapchat is a bigger deal than the necklace. The necklace could mean anything to her. You imagine that she holds it thinking of how much she loved him, but she could hold it being reminded of her strength to get away from him, or some lesson she learned through the relationship with him. So I wouldn't worry about the necklace. And asking why she keeps it is a valid question that is within your right to ask. You can also ask her why he is still on her snapchat and see what she says. Other than these two things, has your gf given you reason to doubt her, or is this born of your own fear or insecurity? 2
Author Dox Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 She hasn't really given me any reason to doubt her, but I don't know how I feel about her anymore. This thing is bothering me more than it should. I'm sure I have some things from my ex lying around, but they're nowhere to be seen. With her she keeps that necklace in her bedside table where she sees it everyday and I see it everytime I go to her house. What makes it even worse is she still has him on snapchat. I think this is why I'm doubting our relationship.
d0nnivain Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Talk to her. Ask her to put the necklace in a box. Ask her to delete him from SnapChat. If she refuses to do either, you have a problem on your hands.
newmoon Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 it's very common for women to keep jewelry that an ex has given them; it doesn't have to mean anything more than we just really liked the item and have things to wear it with. I keep a necklace from an ex-bf on my dresser with the rest of my jewelry stuff so I see it every day - I don't think about him each time I see the necklace though, it's just handy to wear. you're putting way too much emphasis on it. be more concerned with the snapchat than the necklace.
MixedUpChick Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Definitely talk to her, but I agree that the necklace isn't a big deal at all. The snapchat thing might not be a big deal either, talk to her calmly about it and see what the scoop is. In relationships there will be things that will come up from time to time that will be far bigger deals than things like jewelry from an ex. Don't let these things throw you off if you're really interested in her. If you're going to get really worked up about jewelry from an ex, I can't imagine how you'd be about something that could actually be a big deal.
annndyle Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Considering your've only been going out two months its best you make your position clear from the outset...I was in a relationship for 7 years & i let things slide like water off a ducks back & in the end it killed us, she didn't know the boundaries and took full advantage, at the end the mistrust, jealously & paranoia you feel after so long is unbearable. If I had to do it I would tell her straight up that it bother's you she keeps it there in the open, the necklace wouldnt bother you as much if it was somewhere else & snapchat, and yeah she has to remove the ex, who knows what there snapchatting each other... Then again they say if you take the high ground pretend none of this bothers you & work on simply being the better man void of jealously it can be more rewarding
EmilyJane Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 (edited) I have jewelry from all my exes going back to age 13. It's just memories and in the past. I don't want them back or I would still be with them not my boyfriend (who has still got a tattoo of his ex-fiancée's name!!! - fortunately getting removed next week). And I'm still friends with a number of exes, will chat have coffee now and again. Because while there are no romantic feelings, I care about them and am mature enough not to need to have nasty dramatic break-ups. This thread combined with your other one suggest to me that you are feeling insecure and looking for things to confirm that feeling. Falling in love makes you feel insecure. That's why it's called falling. But if you go looking for trouble you'll not only find it, you'll create it. Edited January 16, 2014 by EmilyJane 1
GemmaUK Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 I have a few bits and pieces from ex's. I don't think anything of them. I have a my last ex's number in my phone on te contact list and viber and he is also on my blacklist as blocked on an app called Extreme Call Blocker. If I don't have his number stored I cannot block him.
nescafe1982 Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 I'm all for tossing stuff from exes, but even I have a necklace from an ex. I never wear it, don't want to pawn it, and won't toss it because it's worth too much for that. All of that is to say, jewelry means less than maybe you think it does. Unless it's an old engagement ring. The other stuff is more concerning, certainly.
Trnamakesnse Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Good to know women don't attach emotions to gifts men give them, I'll keep this in mind ha.
newmoon Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Good to know women don't attach emotions to gifts men give them, I'll keep this in mind ha. awww... don't stop giving good stuff. it brings up lots of emotional fulfillment while you're together! afterwards it's just stuff :-) 1
BOREDouttaMymind Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 ya its so annoying when women do that. they always say 'oh I still have a bunch from my ex's! its not the meaning, its just nice jewelry!" ..ok... so... go and find something from your ex and keep it out. when she complains, say "oh its not _____, I just like the ______ about it." how much do you want to bet she'll find a reason why its different in your situation. 1
darkmoon Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 find, as it were, a lovely pair of engraved cufflinks, or watch, or whatever dedicated "To my very own angel, with love, forever Alice" or some such, I would not blame you if the flushed her jewellery down the toilet, dearie, you are dating an insensitive woman
Author Dox Posted January 16, 2014 Author Posted January 16, 2014 Wow thanks for everyone's response. Keep em coming. Well at this point I'm just going to have a "don't give a ****" attitude about this whole thing and leave it alone.
TheGuard13 Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 It's a freaking necklace. It's a piece of jewelry. Jewelry, especially nice jewelry, isn't cheap. Women tend to hold onto what nice jewelry they have. So what if she might have some emotions about it? Is she not allowed to have good memories, or memories in general, of a time with someone other than you? 1
nescafe1982 Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Good to know women don't attach emotions to gifts men give them, I'll keep this in mind ha. Well, I wouldn't go quite so far as all that. I don't actually wear the necklace my ex gave me. But seriously, what do you do with diamonds after a breakup? I agree with other posters that engraved, monogrammed, or otherwise personalized jewelry has to go. But a diamond necklace or some-such? I don't wear mine because it reminds me of the ex.. but I don't know that I would judge a woman who did wear such a thing. On the other hand, OP I can empathize with your feelings on the matter. I really do feel like this is a "personal preference" thing for which there is not right or wrong approach.
Frank2thepoint Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 We were in her room when I came across a cross necklace thats engraved "I love you my queen". I asked her about it and she said it was from her ex. Sell the necklace on eBay. Buy her a new necklace that says "I love you my goddess", because a goddess is better than a queen. You're welcome. 1
almond Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 ya its so annoying when women do that. they always say 'oh I still have a bunch from my ex's! its not the meaning, its just nice jewelry!" ..ok... so... go and find something from your ex and keep it out. when she complains, say "oh its not _____, I just like the ______ about it." how much do you want to bet she'll find a reason why its different in your situation. My boyfriend still occasionally wears a really nice dress ring that his ex bought for him. Has never bothered me at all - I think it looks great! He has been with me for five years. She is in the past. What is the harm in him wearing it? That it may possibly remind him of her at times? I doubt it does, but even so - I'm not threatened by my boyfriend having passing thoughts about someone that was at one stage, a huge part of his life. I really don't think stuff like this is a big deal, unless you are unsure as to whether or not your partner has fully moved on from their ex. If that is the case, then a bit of jewellery is the least of your problems..
Phantom888 Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Jewelry is jewelry. Women like shiny things, and after a relationship ends, they tend to disassociate the bling from the relationship. My woman wore a necklace that her ex gave her, but when I gave her a nicer necklace, she now only wears the one I gave her. So one way to resolve this is by giving her a nicer piece.
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