lifeunderground Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 This situation has really messed me up i would love second opinions. So 2 years ago (or around there) i met this guy through mutual friends. He held me that night then we basically had a month long intense thing going on. He had just ended things with the mother of his child, and i was wary but fell fast. Anywho, he ended up going back to her. So fastforwarding to october, he messaged me on facebook. (we.had chatted briefly over the years prior)He was done with her again due to her cheating repeatedly. This led to texting all day long for a month. Then i got angry because he didnt want to hangout, so we stopped talking. He messaged me again 3 weeks later, and we started talking again. This time we actually met up. He came on strong and told me he liked me. We kissed, and had deep coversation.It was if no time had passed, we connected. We ended up having amazing sex. After wards we continued texting constantly, and he asked me to hangout again. So we did, along with our mutual friend. He had.texted me all day up until we met up. I didnt get a kiss or anything other than a hug that day, and it left me confused. It was as if we were just friends, but he did give me loving looks and made some comments. I got upset and accused him of using me. Then he said he liked me, and wasnt ready for a relationship. I ended things. After that, he wished me and my daughter a merry christmas over text, i was short with him. Over the period of a week and a half, he liked every single thing i posted on facebook. In one day he liked a ridiculous 19 posts! Me being stupid, i texted him wanting to start over. He agreed, saying we should take things slow. I was happy with that, so we continued our constant texting. Then he came over on new years eve, he met my parents and my daughter. We were waiting for our mutual friend to come get us and he played staind "its been a while" and we sang it....it was really meaningful. He had to work so he left our mutual friends around 9, but right before new years he texted me "hope you have a good new years, hope i get to see you soon" i was so happy. So then we saw a movie with his sister a few days later, and he pulled me to the side and kissed me and picked me up. It was awesome. So basically, we kept texting all day and met up around 4 more times. the fifth time (the 7th time total) we hungout for a while, and ended up having super deep conversation and had sex. Afterwards we had more deep conversation. As i was waiting for my ride, i finally spoke up. I told him i liked him a lot, and asked him what was going on. He told me he liked me. He also said he needed to fix his life before getting in a relationship. I understood, he is going through a lot. I just.wanted to make sure he liked me. So after that night our texting became insane. Literally all day. He had to serve some time in jail due to a past issue (trust me its nothing bad at all) he was supposed to go for 45 days. I saw him the day before he was supposed to go (sunday) and we hung out for a few hours at our mutual friends. He was drunk, and acting very odd. He kept being hot and cold but flirting with me. Finally i had to go, because i had work. I pulled him away and asked for a kiss. He told me "he didnt feel like kissing" i got really upset. I told him that he must not like me if he doesnt want to kiss me. he told me "its not what you think at all, youre just overthinking it" i hugged him and left, tears in my eyes. That night i sent a text ending things saying that hurt, wishing him the best. No response. So he went to jail monday. I guess his term only lasted 2 days (thats how minor what he did was) Today he posted on facebook he was out. I was posting love songs and depressing stuff. He liked my post, "take care by drake" If anyone hasnt heard that song its about liking someone whos not over their ex, getting mixed signals and basically how youd treat them right. I have deactivated my facebook now as im trying to clear my head, and cant with him liking my stuff. So i am wondering peoples thoughts, did i overreact and what should i do? Thank you
Author lifeunderground Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 Im also curious if he sounds like he even liked me. Thanks
Author lifeunderground Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 Bump. Would love insight.
Author lifeunderground Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 Guess no one wants to help.
soccerrprp Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Maybe people read this and can't believe the merry-go-round relationship you have with this guy. It is insane the number of times, cold-hot-cold-hot....there is NO indication that this can ever be a healthy relationship. None. You are not emotionally stable and he is not emotionally available. I was shaking my head the whole time I read your post. Insanely rocky and drama-filled. 4
Author lifeunderground Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 Maybe people read this and can't believe the merry-go-round relationship you have with this guy. It is insane the number of times, cold-hot-cold-hot....there is NO indication that this can ever be a healthy relationship. None. You are not emotionally stable and he is not emotionally available. I was shaking my head the whole time I read your post. Insanely rocky and drama-filled. How am i emotionally unstable for wanting a kiss?
pickflicker Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Maybe people read this and can't believe the merry-go-round relationship you have with this guy. It is insane the number of times, cold-hot-cold-hot....there is NO indication that this can ever be a healthy relationship. None. You are not emotionally stable and he is not emotionally available. I was shaking my head the whole time I read your post. Insanely rocky and drama-filled. Yeah, not sure what you want. He's not interested. Move on.
Author lifeunderground Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 And also i thought this was an advice forum. I liked him a lot, and i think thats reasonable after talking 3 months and meeting up 8 times. Thats really rude to judge me like that. I just wanted someone to talk to.
soccerrprp Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 How am i emotionally unstable for wanting a kiss? What???!!! This has nothing to do with a simple kiss! Have you read the UPS and DOWNS of your post? The craziness of it?
Author lifeunderground Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 What???!!! This has nothing to do with a simple kiss! Have you read the UPS and DOWNS of your post? The craziness of it? How is it crazy? I got upset over him not wanting to kiss me. Before that i overreacted a bit. We talked every day all day,.and met up a lot.
pickflicker Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 And also i thought this was an advice forum. I liked him a lot, and i think thats reasonable after talking 3 months and meeting up 8 times. Thats really rude to judge me like that. I just wanted someone to talk to. Then i got angry because he didnt want to hangout, so we stopped talking. Here's where you needed to stop. Why did you get 'angry' with him? Why didn't you just bow out gracefully and move on? You should have moved on the first time he flaked.
Author lifeunderground Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 Then i got angry because he didnt want to hangout, so we stopped talking. Here's where you needed to stop. Why did you get 'angry' with him? Why didn't you just bow out gracefully and move on? You should have moved on the first time he flaked. i was a little upset? He kept saying we would and didnt. Its not what you think
pickflicker Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 i was a little upset? He kept saying we would and didnt. Its not what you think Again, this is where you should have bowed out. "I'm sorry you don't want to meet up. Take care." It's nothing to get upset about.
Author lifeunderground Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 Again, this is where you should have bowed out. "I'm sorry you don't want to meet up. Take care." It's nothing to get upset about. Okay really? Past history considered and the deep convos amd.consistent communication made me like him a bit. Yes its just texting, it doesnt replace in person I just dont see how im crazy for being upset. We were pretty much dating in my eyes, and yes i shouldve never let this happen. You can connect with somebody and be hurt. Its bad timing, but i am trying to move on.
pickflicker Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Okay really? Past history considered and the deep convos amd.consistent communication made me like him a bit. Yes its just texting, it doesnt replace in person I just dont see how im crazy for being upset. We were pretty much dating in my eyes, and yes i shouldve never let this happen. You can connect with somebody and be hurt. Its bad timing, but i am trying to move on. Yeah, I don't think it's something to get upset about, IF you'd bowed out at the first instance. Instead, you've allowed it to turn into a rollercoaster, which now, has affected you way more than it should have. The next time someone displays flaky tendencies like this, walk away.
Author lifeunderground Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 (edited) Yeah, I don't think it's something to get upset about, IF you'd bowed out at the first instance. Instead, you've allowed it to turn into a rollercoaster, which now, has affected you way more than it should have. The next time someone displays flaky tendencies like this, walk away. true. I just briefly went over the situation, i highlighted the drama parts. Weve had 2 obstacles, one i feel i overreacted and the 2nd one was ridiculous. I fell for him, and i shouldnt have. And i feel after 8 meetings,and consistent communicatiom i have a right to be affected. Wow. Hes not in the right place, and i want more. Edited January 15, 2014 by lifeunderground
Author lifeunderground Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 I come here after not posting for months and i get called crazy. Awesome.
spiderowl Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 The guy keeps picking you up and dropping you when he feels like it. He's also been sent to jail. Even if it was only a short time, he's done something bad enough to be taken off the streets for a while. Isn't that some indication that this is not a decent, reliable, law-abiding kind of guy? You are infatuated with him and he will only keep on hurting you because he is not committed to you. He is using you. It doens't matter how many Facebook messages or pics he 'likes' - any kid can play games like that. What matters is respect, honesty, consistency and integrity. For your own sake, make a list of the qualities that matter to you in a guy and then see if this guy has any of them other than being physically attractive to you and good at sex.
Author lifeunderground Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 (edited) The guy keeps picking you up and dropping you when he feels like it. He's also been sent to jail. Even if it was only a short time, he's done something bad enough to be taken off the streets for a while. Isn't that some indication that this is not a decent, reliable, law-abiding kind of guy? You are infatuated with him and he will only keep on hurting you because he is not committed to you. He is using you. It doens't matter how many Facebook messages or pics he 'likes' - any kid can play games like that. What matters is respect, honesty, consistency and integrity. For your own sake, make a list of the qualities that matter to you in a guy and then see if this guy has any of them other than being physically attractive to you and good at sex. That makes no sense. 1) we had sex 2 of the 8 times we hungout. 2) we talked ALL day everyday, morning through night initiared by him 3) he met my family and my daughter 4) i met his sister 5) we vented and opened up to eachother So please elaborate? Edited January 15, 2014 by lifeunderground
pickflicker Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 That makes no sense. 1) we had sex 2 of the 8 times we hungout. 2) we talked ALL day 3) he met my family and my daughter 4) i met his sister 5) we vented and opened up to eachother So please elaborate? It maked perfect sense. For 2 years, you've made some pretty poor choices with this guy. How about starting to make some better ones?
Author lifeunderground Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 It maked perfect sense. For 2 years, you've made some pretty poor choices with this guy. How about starting to make some better ones? Um i think you are mistaken. it has not lasted 2 years but 3 months O.o
pickflicker Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Um i think you are mistaken. it has not lasted 2 years but 3 months O.o So 2 years ago (or around there) i met this guy through mutual friends. ??
Author lifeunderground Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 ?? We have history, i was providing it. We ended things a month amd a half.after that. This happened 2 years later
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Why ask for advice or someone to talk to if you're just going to refute everything everyone says and post things like 'so I come back after a few months and get called crazy... awesome'. You're into the drama, he's into the drama. It's never going to be anything functional or stable. He said 'I need to fix my life before I can get into a relationship' You felt 'we were practically dating in my eyes' There's a problem with your self-esteem if you're willing to accept this kind of behaviour from anybody and still feel like it's worth your time or attention or heart or loins. 2
pickflicker Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 We have history, i was providing it. We ended things a month amd a half.after that. This happened 2 years later Look, he's not for you. You want him more than you want him. There's isn's anything to be gained from analysing it any further. As acrosstheuniverse pointed out, there was a serious miscommunication about what you thought the relationship was. When a man says he's unavailable, believe him.
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