conmorse Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 My ex and I dated for two years, and It's been 2 months since she blind sided me with a break up. I've also been in pretty much NC since day one. Right now I think I've entered the angry phase. I don't hate my ex as a person, I'm just super angry and frustrated to what she did to me after the break up. In those two years she and I were together, there were never any huge issues or fights that occurred between between me and her. I treated her really well, like any good boyfriend should, and overall we always got along with each other. The thing that's making me angry now is remembering what she did after the break up. Not even 3 weeks after the breakup she immediately did the whole partying, drinking and clubbing thing, typical of what you'd read in GIGS, and started to randomly hang out with a guy who she barely even knew. Later on I was told that she ended up going home with him after a night out at a club, but she didn't even "like" him at all, saying she "needed to get it out of her system". Anyways, shes done with this first guy and now shes moved on onto another person. I know what you're thinking, "weren't you in NC?"... I was in NC, she and I have mutual friends who kept trying to update me with the situation. I have now told them to completely stop talking to me about her. Granted I know she's free to do whatever she wants since that relationship was over and I know she technically doesn't "owe" me anything such as a conversation, but I can't help feel so betrayed and angry at what she did to me. I know there are no rules and life can be unfair, but it's exactly what it is- unfair. I was a good boyfriend for 2 years, and she doesn't have the decency to respect whatever feelings I had, or even remotely say something afterwards. I know closure doesn't come from her, and NC is the best option to heal and move forward and that maybe her talking to me will bring nothing good. It just sucks that I still get the short end of the stick regardless of how good of a boyfriend I was in that relationship. I don't want to talk to her or hear anything from her right now, but deep inside I just wish she would just say acknowledge her actions and realize what she did to me was unfair...
ponchsox Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 I'm in the same boat. I'm going on 4 months post BU and I'm still super pissed. Like you, I was blind sided. A week before we broke up we were discussing marriage. Now I feel duped and I just waisted a year and a half of my life. I've been on dates since but I'm just not into it and can't be myself. Part of me feels jaded and I don't want to deal with the BS of dating any more.
Sasukie Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 OP, I like your post. You're calm and collected, and all you want is for her to feel a bit of regret. If you want it to stop haunting you just let go of the feeling and expectation she will reply. In the future, if she does great, but since you're a good guy, let her go, let her see that you were amazing to and for her. (Its not just about treating someone well, but compatibility). Anyways I don't suggest bothering with a girl who's loose, as described by you. I dated a girl similar to yours recently for a year, and now she went back to the clubbing scene. Give it a month or two and you'll start forgetting her face.
rosedl Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 It sucks. Same position. My guy broke up with me, regretted it, came back and seemed very sincere and took responsibility and really seemed to get what he did. He came back. Then, six months later, he dumped me all over again and blamed me for why he did it (this after getting super close again and allowing myself to fall in love all over again). You know what....It is crummy. I know we have to take responsibility for ourselves and there are no sure things in life, but it doesn't mean that our exs weren't total crumbs. Mine broke my heart TWICE and blamed me for it. Major league crumb. Totally normal and healthy to be angry when someone treats you that way. Your ex sounds immature.
Author conmorse Posted January 16, 2014 Author Posted January 16, 2014 OP, I like your post. You're calm and collected, and all you want is for her to feel a bit of regret. If you want it to stop haunting you just let go of the feeling and expectation she will reply. In the future, if she does great, but since you're a good guy, let her go, let her see that you were amazing to and for her. (Its not just about treating someone well, but compatibility). Anyways I don't suggest bothering with a girl who's loose, as described by you. I dated a girl similar to yours recently for a year, and now she went back to the clubbing scene. Give it a month or two and you'll start forgetting her face. Thanks for the reply. It just upsets me how cold she became right after the break up. I'm trying my best to let go, but I don't think that's going to happen while im going through the "Anger" phase, maybe once more time has passed and i'm slowly beginning to enter the "Acceptance". It's just unfair how I became a victim of this breakup while she gets to party, go out, hook up with random people when Im on the sideline going through the emotional aspect of the breakup and figuring myself out. Like you said, I wish she would show feelings of regret, maybe she is, maybe she isn't. I'll never know. Overall, despite treating her well in those two years, her actions post break up basically feels like a, "Screw you, I'm going to do my own thing." and I never would have thought she would be the person to ever do those things to me.
Sasukie Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Suggestion is you guys broke up, neither of you owe each other anymore. It know its a scary when reality hits, from a couple who shares everything with each other, that connection that you have that you might not have even with your best buds, and the next thing you know is after a break up they treat you like you don't exist. Or have never even been in contact before. I've gone through the same thing and there is no point in being down about it. She's enjoying herself, you're moping around. Go continue life, keep studying/working and you'll realize there is a lot of potential out there. Given that you were burnt recently like me, you'll probably be really skeptical, but you'll realize you've been basing all your time and feelings on this one girl for so long, its time to let go man. There's no such as thing "its not fair" in relationships. You risked putting your heart on the line, you got burnt, life's not going to wait for you and there's too much in life to waste your time on something like this. Ultimately if you think about it, you can just stop whining about this and move on to your next goal in life
rosedl Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 People do selfish things all the time, and hurt other people. And, then, they act affronted if the other person has feelings because of the consequences of their behavior. Or, worse, blame the other person because they don't want to own their own actions. I know there is nothing we can do but heal and move on. Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do. If you aren't together anymore, you aren't together and there is nothing you can do to force any kind of change from them. It only backfires. As I said, my ex broke my heart twice and basically took no account for it and let me know he loves himself warts and all (his way of saying, I don't care if my actions hurt you, I still feel pretty wonderful about myself). It was mean. He's selfish, plain and simple. Oh well. I have to move on. So do you. I am sorry, but it is the way it works. Holding onto that anger, it just makes you feel worse and they feel no different at all. Better to try and let it go and stop spinning stories around it. Life is unfair. It sucks, but there it is..... 1
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