LostandHopeless Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 I really need some advice on what to do. Last evening my boyfriend of 5 years left without saying anything while I was in the shower, around 7pm, and didn't return until almost 2am. He randomly disappeared on New Years Eve too for the entire night --- both times he said he went to visit family. I freaked out and put all his **** outside. I really just can't cope with that behavior right now. We've had so many trust issues. It's so stupid we've stayed together, and are now having a baby. I'm due in mid May. We got into a huge argument when he arrived though. I was admittedly crazy emotional, and told him to go enjoy the rest of his life with vapid whores. He put his hands around my neck and screamed at me. I kicked him off me for the most part, but he wasn't done. It was horrible. He left with a knife said he was going on a walk and can't be around me. This morning all of his stuff is still outside. I don't know where he is, if he did anything stupid, if he's okay. Authorities can't do anything either as it stands and currently nothing is known. I feel horrible. My stomach hurt so bad after. I'm confused. I don't know what to do. There's no way to even attempt to contact him. I feel terrible even wanting to, considering he tried to choke me and just lost it. Yes I said some unkind things and accused him of cheating but he did break my trust hard in the past. I can't eat. I couldn't sleep. I don't have anyone to talk to about this. I'm torn up. I need help I just don't know where or how. My father passed of cancer last year, my mother is an estranged schizophrenic (who gets really violent), other family is caught up in their own troubles or not close. I have trouble keeping friendships. I usually withdraw. I'm scared of attachment. Attachment keeps me bound to things like my currently messed up situation. I'm so hurt. I'm scared of all the stress hurting the baby. I still care about him and am worried. I think it's the end of us I know it needs to be but I don't know how to go on really either.
superb Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 This sounds like a really terrible situation. You need to do whatever it takes to keep you and your baby safe. Get away from him.
rosedl Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Call your local battered woman's hotline IMMEDIATELY and get away from this man. They can get you an appointment and help you access counseling and other resources you might be eligible especially considering your pregnancy. If you need to go into a shelter, they can help arrange that.... You need to get out of that environment immediately. If he is stalking around with knives and choking you, you could wind up dead.
Author LostandHopeless Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 :( I contacted the domestic hotline. They gave me local resources to explore. I can't call any right now because I'm not at all coherent. Still can't eat. Still can't sleep although I tried, I woke up with a stupid anxiety attack following a bad dream. I'm just so torn up into bits. Have been looking for employment for weeks but no one will hire me right now. I have two other children (who are with their father this week) and now with all this happening... I keep trying not to cry but it is hard to stop! How am I going to provide properly. How am I going to keep staying here? And keep up with the bills? I keep thinking this is all my fault. The FOB of my two other children beat the **** out of me when I was holding our youngest who was just a couple months old, and that's what it took for me to leave that situation. We were homeless for over a year. At least this time I'm not homeless. I have HUD. And I'm really grateful. But I seem to make men want to physically harm me. I'm just so sad right now.
TylerDurdenn Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 What country are you from? (Apologies if you don't wish to say)
Bigcitydreamer Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 I'm so so sorry you are going through this. Please realize that you are NOT alone. So many women go through this. The problem lies with the uncertainty in yourself. I know the feeling that "you tend to make men hit you/ be mean to you/ turn on you". But you know what I've realized- that's bullsh*t. They are bad men to begin with but just hide it well in the beginning. You end up with men who aren't good people because of your attachment issues. That happens to a lot of people. Many of my friends are that way and I am that way also. I blame myself and try to see my own fault when the reality is, it isn't my fault. You need to have faith in your gut feelings and yourself. You have to trust that leaving a situation that gives you these feelings will eventually make your life better. Staying delays the inevitable. You deserve more and you don't need to stay through this. Breakups suck and make everyone question themselves but you need to fight through those feelings and stick with your decision. I try to remember the feeling I had when I decided to leave my ex. I knew I must have been pushed in order to leave so I keep reminding myself that YES it is that bad with him! Trust your feelings girl- dont feel guilty for them. You are right to be upset at this behaviour. Now it's up to you to find the strength to walk away. There are plenty of resources available. You have no idea! My friend stayed in a bad relationship for way too long and no matter how many times I told her about the available resources (and she believed they were there) she never fully realize how much help she would have once she got out of her bad situation. You will be ok, start living as your true self and don't be afraid to go after what you need in life.
almond Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Whether you are coherent or not, please follow up on the local resources that you were provided with immediately. It may not be a traditional support network, but any support will help right now and hopefully prevent you from taking this guy back when he returns. You need help. Do it for your child, and do it NOW. Is there anywhere you can stay for a night or two? Do not take him back. You can be a great mother and you can live a happy life, but you cannot do it in a relationship like this. Taking him back will equate to flushing your future down the toilet. See a psychologist, take advantage of all resources, and work hard to get yourself to a point where you can be a happy, healthy mother for the sake of your children. You can do it. You don't need to live like this. Take action. You're stronger than you think.
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