Author evade Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 If you are the first man she's dated since her husband died, She's probably scared & confused. The "rules" have all changed since she last went on a date. windowed 4.5 years. hasnt been in a relationship for 3 years. scared and confused is too harsh but I would say maybe rusty. but her personality is that she is a reserved person. she even said that in her family it was that you should be tough and not the sensitive caring type. she has that slight manly type of trait with that and its turning me off when I love women who are very feminine and caring and soft. and shes a bit...eh, how should I say it..maybe "tough" is a proper word. 6-7 dates over 3 weeks is a nice pace but I wouldn't be anywhere near ready to talk about being exclusive with you which I require before sex. I dont know your age and dont know where you live. I live overseas and things are differnt here. our age doesnt do the multidating thing and we both know its exclusive. there is no exclusive talk. nothing to talk about here. I know and she knows. she sees who I am. I am comitted and very serious. I told her how I feel about her. I dont bull**** around, or play games. You don't know where her head is at. Try talking to her. Ask her how SHE feels about PDA. Tell her you would like more handholding & genuine affection. She what she says & does in response. she knows. we did speak about it. she will have to make the effort because were 40 and these things are hard to change at this age, if at all. when youre younger and inexperienced, things are different. people who are older know what they want, who they are and dont usually change. the women ive been in relationships with loved that about me. they love that I give them attentions and make them feel beautiful and smart and that im emotional and open. Otherwise you can just dump her & let her be one of those women left wondering what she did wrong & why the seemingly nice guy just up & left or she'll end up in the camp of women who all think men only want "one thing." very sad what you wrote there. I dont like the word dump. too harsh. walk away is better , but still not a good thing either way. I did walk away from another women after giving her time and telling her how I am and that I like being affectionate and want a partner like that. obviously I didnt know she wasnt like this till I started dating. I gave her 2 weeks to adjust and see if anything would change and it didnt and did the Houdini. she called and called and texted and sent me more messages through OLD and facebook. I wrote her a long message telling her why. I wasnt harsh and I was considerate but in the end, love affection caring romance passion is a huge thing for me. it makes me sad because I think shes special and I would love to be with her but shes not letting me love her. im not even talking about sex.
d0nnivain Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 If you have talked to her & she isn't giving you what you want, then you can end it. I'm encouraged that if you chose to end it, you will do so politely. The best route may be to point out that you have different & incompatible views on PDA & affection in general.
ChessPieceFace Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Losing a spouse is devastating to the extreme. It may be hard for her to open up. You have to decide whether she can transition from where she is to where you want her to be. I don't think anyone on the internet is going to know.
deathandtaxes Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 I was going to try to give some good advice until I read OP's comments about spending money on her taking her out to expensive restaurants and stuff. That totally turned me off to wanting to help. She's not for you. You have expectations, and so does she. They differ wildly. You want sex after three weeks. Three weeks?!? Please, please do her a favor and let her go for a guy that will completely love her at her pace and doesn't keep a tally sheet in his head. 2
spiderowl Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Sounds to me like you are overwhelming her and expecting to be very physical early on in a relationship. She is more reserved and is taking time to get to know you. I get the feeling you expect women to be physical with you almost from the start and then start to pressure and blame if they are uncomfortable with that. I don't think this is a question of her being too reserved or 'vanilla' so much as not wanting to be overwhelmed by someone who's all over her before she feels she is that comfortable with him. I've met guys who are very sexual from the start, talking sex, touching, speaking in innuendos, then you get the sexual joking. It's all to sound you out all the time and move to sex as fast as humanly possible. For a woman seeking a *loving* and sexual relationship with a guy, it's too much, too soon, and one starts to feel more on edge and uneasy than more inclined towards him. I get the feeling you are pushing this woman and she's likely to dump you. Sorry, but you have a strong sense of entitlement and have little interest in getting to know her as a person. Why should she bother continuing?
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