EndlessSacrifice Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Me and my ex fiancé have just split and I'm almost 20 weeks pregnant. I feel totally miserable. He doesn't seem too concerned about our breakup and has indicated he won't be contributing financially. I've deleted his phone numbers so I can't call him and will be changing my SIM card so i have a new number. Do I owe it to him to contact him when I have a scan next week to let him know how the baby is even though he's made it quite clear I have to buy everything for the baby myself? I'm really tempted to cut him off completely by shutting down my email for my own sanity. I don't know if that's fair when I'm having his child though. Should I be emailing him with updates about the baby if he seems disinterested and unconcerned or should I just get on with my life, cut him out and let him find a way to contact me if he wants to see and contribute to the babies upbringing? He knows where I live so should I just cut him out for my own healing and sanity and if he really wants to see his child he will write to me or something?
strive Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Wow what a ****ty ex fiance. I'm so sorry you're going through this alone. Don't email him anything about the baby. If he doesn't care then don't add the extra burden on yourself to tell him about the baby. That's just wasted effort on your part. Direct that energy to yourself instead of on him. If he cares enough, he will ask about the baby. What you need to do though, is to make sure he pays for his share of child support. I don't know the laws of your country, but as the father he is required to provide for his child. Take it to court if you need to. If he denies its his, do paternity test. The point is your child is entitled to financial help and as the mother you should make sure the child gets it.
Philosoraptor Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Well he really can't say that he's not contributing as legally he has to. It's up to you if you want to pursue his assistance or not. You need to take care of yourself right now and if he wants no part of the pregnancy that's his choice. He will just be surprised if and when you decide to pursue financial assistance for his child.
Fufu Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Me and my ex fiancé have just split and I'm almost 20 weeks pregnant. I feel totally miserable. He doesn't seem too concerned about our breakup and has indicated he won't be contributing financially. I've deleted his phone numbers so I can't call him and will be changing my SIM card so i have a new number. Do I owe it to him to contact him when I have a scan next week to let him know how the baby is even though he's made it quite clear I have to buy everything for the baby myself? I'm really tempted to cut him off completely by shutting down my email for my own sanity. I don't know if that's fair when I'm having his child though. Should I be emailing him with updates about the baby if he seems disinterested and unconcerned or should I just get on with my life, cut him out and let him find a way to contact me if he wants to see and contribute to the babies upbringing? He knows where I live so should I just cut him out for my own healing and sanity and if he really wants to see his child he will write to me or something? I really feel for you, especially you are even pregnant now. How about your family? Are they helping or supporting you in some ways? Since he knew about your pregnant and he already showed totally 0 care about it, I don't think it is unfair that you cut him out completely. He totally show no concern and care about his own child, so be it really.
somedude81 Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 So no details at all about the breakup? Who initiated it, what happened and so on?
Author EndlessSacrifice Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 Hi thanks for your reply. He has a limited company and will easily avoid paying child support as he can pretend he only takes a tiny wage for himself when in fact he earns a substantial amount. So I could end up getting something silly like £5 a month from him when he really earns over £50000 a year that he pretends is tied up in his company. I'm in the uk and the child support agency here doesn't seem to be very good at getting child support payments from men like him.
Author EndlessSacrifice Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 So no details at all about the breakup? Who initiated it, what happened and so on? I left because I was miserable being stuck 100's of miles from family and he was being very financially irresponsible by spending £1000's on himself and refusing to contribute towards buying stuff for the baby. Luckily my parents have said I can stay here until I can manage to get a house for myself and the baby.
Author EndlessSacrifice Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 I really feel for you, especially you are even pregnant now. How about your family? Are they helping or supporting you in some ways? Since he knew about your pregnant and he already showed totally 0 care about it, I don't think it is unfair that you cut him out completely. He totally show no concern and care about his own child, so be it really. Yes, luckily my family are very supportive and are happy for me to stay with them til I get on my feet. I think you are right and I should just cut him out seen as he seems to show no interest in the baby.
somedude81 Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 I left because I was miserable being stuck 100's of miles from family and he was being very financially irresponsible by spending £1000's on himself and refusing to contribute towards buying stuff for the baby. Luckily my parents have said I can stay here until I can manage to get a house for myself and the baby. Have you guys tried to sort the money issue out? Right now it looks like you're running away from him. 1
Author EndlessSacrifice Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 I didn't really have a choice but leave if he won't support me and the baby financially cause when I have the baby if me and him lived together I would be completely financially dependent on him. I have contacted him several times since I left saying I need to buy things such as the pram etc very soon and have no response. Absolutely no contact from him whatsoever since I've left. No interest in the baby at all. I think it's him running away rather than me...
d0nnivain Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Talk to a lawyer. He owes child support to the baby.
Zahara Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Hahaha! Spoiled little brat won't be contributing financially, eh? Before you make assumptions about his $5 contribution, get a lawyer and discuss it and find out what your options are. He will have to contribute. Don't let him off that easy. And there is no need to keep him updated about your progress. He is already telling you he does not care. Leave it alone. Focus on your pregnancy, and on yourself.
Haydn Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 This is terrible, sorry he left you alone. Tell the CSA what you told us here. You will be surprised how ruthless they can be. Hahaha! Spoiled little brat won't be contributing financially, eh? Before you make assumptions about his $5 contribution, get a lawyer and discuss it and find out what your options are. He will have to contribute. Don't let him off that easy. And there is no need to keep him updated about your progress. He is already telling you he does not care. Leave it alone. Focus on your pregnancy, and on yourself.
sw2020 Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 This sounds like a terrible situation to be in. I think someone needs to be an adult and sit down and discuss how you plan going forward. On a more practical side, he has to contribute. Having a Ltd company doesn't mean he can prove he earns nothing. He has to take money out of the company somehow, so that will be via PAYE and likely dividends. All of which are accountable.
margot13 Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Sorry that you are going through a hard time while pregnant. It never feels right. Hopefully he comes to realize how great it is to be a father but you can not force that... On the other side, I am a mother of 2 little children and believe me it is a fantastic feeling to be able to support yourself and your children alone. You will always feel safe with you, it is hard work but I found that by working it out on my own, I will never need anyone for my children or I unless I WANT THEM!!! :-) Just think about you and your coming baby, like you said he knows where you are.
margot13 Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 This sounds like a terrible situation to be in. I think someone needs to be an adult and sit down and discuss how you plan going forward. On a more practical side, he has to contribute. Having a Ltd company doesn't mean he can prove he earns nothing. He has to take money out of the company somehow, so that will be via PAYE and likely dividends. All of which are accountable. You would be suprised how easy it is to get out of child support if you really want to.
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