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I can't take it anymore..

ElecTriX

By ElecTriX
in Coping

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ElecTriX Member

ElecTriX

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Started a thread a couple of days ago because all the problems and questions became unbarable.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/453460-need-help-post-breakup-what-do

 

I struggle, every single day, every single hour. Sometimes I feel like I am handling it but most of the time I force myself to not be sad. To be strong and to "man up" but.. I can't.

 

I am now back to work again but I can't stop thinking about her.. I have never missed someone this much before. I feel so empty and I don't know what to do. I cry at work, trying to hold it in but sometimes it gets to much. I have been away from work for a month, analyzing, feeling, thinking.. It feels like there is no end to this hell. I wake up every night and cry, hoping that everything was a nightmare but just to realise that it's not.

 

She always texts me stuff regarding our son and his daycare, stuff she needs from the house or asks if she have gotten any mail. Every. Day. She will get her own apartment 1/2 and until then she lives with her mother or friend.

 

I try to be as open as possible and not care when it comes to her but no matter what I do she's always there in my mind. She won't go away and my feelings for wanting her back gets stronger and stronger.

 

I want her back so much, please god.. I don't know what to do. I don't want to move on, I want her back in my life. I want my family back! I am trying to force myself to do as much NC as possible but I can't distance myself from her as we have so much together (house/child/possessions).

 

When we meet she acts like this hasn't affected her much at all, not cold, not angry. She smiles at me sometimes when we talk or joke and everytime my heart races and I feel happy again. By a smile from her. I want to hold her, kiss her, tell her that I still love her and want her back but I'm holding myself back.

 

I don't have the strength to hold myself back but at the same time I'm terrified that by doing anything or saying anything I will kill any possibility, no matter how small, to be with her again.

 

Please tell me there is a way, someone.. Because I can't take this any more.

Edited by ElecTriX
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