My apt isn't great, best way to suggest her place?

[antineutrino]

I've been on a couple of dates with her, and from what I can tell, we both really like each other. I figure I'd suggest a date where we could cook a meal together and then watch a movie afterward.

 

The only problem is my apt as a whole isn't really great for this kind of thing: (1) my roommates are kind of loud and I'm afraid they'd get in the way; (2) there's no viable place in the apartment for sitting down and eating a meal. My room itself is completely fine (clean, well decorated, etc) but there's not enough room for a separate table and whatnot to eat in there.

 

So is there any way to suggest we just cook at her place instead? Would it be fine to just be straightforward and say my place doesn't really have a good place to eat?

[gaius]

You should probably save that idea for sometime when she invites you over. Suggesting an activity you can only do at her place after a few dates can come off a little pushy. Plus it seems like you're ashamed of your place which isn't good. Most women really don't care that much if you don't.

[Mascara]

Is there no communal area, a lounge or something? My boyfriend has room mates, and I'm fine socialising with them. They're happy to leave us alone too though.

 

Alternatively, get some cushions to make your bed look less bed-like, and spread a picnic blanket on it.

[antineutrino]

You should probably save that idea for sometime when she invites you over. Suggesting an activity you can only do at her place after a few dates can come off a little pushy. Plus it seems like you're ashamed of your place which isn't good. Most women really don't care that much if you don't.

 

Hmm, the bolded is a good point.

 

Is there no communal area, a lounge or something? My boyfriend has room mates, and I'm fine socialising with them. They're happy to leave us alone too though.

 

Alternatively, get some cushions to make your bed look less bed-like, and spread a picnic blanket on it.

 

There is, but I'm in graduate school and my housing is through the university, so it's fairly sub-par furnished furniture (one of my roommates brought in his own furniture and just dumped the furnished stuff into the living room, so it's a bit less attractive with that as well. I bought my own bed and since the common room, I felt, was already a lost cause, I just dumped the pieces of my bed along with his).

 

That picnic blanket idea doesn't sound bad, though. I have a full size bed and 3 pillows right now, so there'd be more than enough room.

 

Edit: what about purchasing a decent wooden foldable table and just using that in my room? Will she think it's weird that we cook dinner and then just take it into my room instead of a common room?

Edited January 15, 2014 by antineutrino

[WrinkledForehead]

Hmm, the bolded is a good point.

 

 

 

There is, but I'm in graduate school and my housing is through the university, so it's fairly sub-par furnished furniture (one of my roommates brought in his own furniture and just dumped the furnished stuff into the living room, so it's a bit less attractive with that as well. I bought my own bed and since the common room, I felt, was already a lost cause, I just dumped the pieces of my bed along with his).

 

That picnic blanket idea doesn't sound bad, though. I have a full size bed and 3 pillows right now, so there'd be more than enough room.

 

Edit: what about purchasing a decent wooden foldable table and just using that in my room? Will she think it's weird that we cook dinner and then just take it into my room instead of a common room?

 

I'm sure she knows you're at uni which will likely make her more forgiving of the situation.

 

I see nothing wrong with saying, "I'd like to invite you over to make a meal. Would you prefer to eat in my room or in xx common area?"

[regine_phalange]

Mmm, I'm sure you mean well, but it's possible that she will misinterpret your suggestion and think you are shady. You can leave that for later, or just tell her how your housing situation is and if it's okay with her (don't seem ashamed, because there is nothnig to be ashamed of).

[RedRobin]

She'll assume you are looking for sex.

 

These days, in house dates = sex or a guy pushing for that. I personally find it annoying when guys I hardly know offer this on the third date or thereabouts... but that is just me.

 

I agree with Gaius. Let her suggest it. Tell her you are a great cook and that you'd love to cook for her sometime. Ask about her kitchen maybe, and tell her you'd be happy to take your personal chef gig on the road. lol.

 

 

See what she says. If she doesn't offer to have you cook at her place after that, then she's likely not interested in the 'dinner and a movie' wink, wink just yet.

Edited January 15, 2014 by RedRobin

[mammasita]

I think its waaaay to early for that unless you just want to get in her pants.

 

Inviting yourself over to a "girls" house to watch a movie is such a turn off....well for me at least

[RedRobin]

Ignore the girls here. If Brad Pitt or someone they were heavily romantically involved with offered to come to their house out invited them over to cook dinner for them, they would say yes in a heartbeat. Be a man. If you feel she likes you as much as you like her, tell her "Let's cook dinner at your place on so so date." If she's interested, she'll say yes. If she has something on that day, she'll say she's busy BUT offer a counter date.

 

 

You can't speak for me or any other woman here.

 

 

The last time I accepted a man's offer of cooking for me was after we had dated for over two months.

 

 

Every other guy who suggested it as early as this poster did got dumped. I didn't have LS when I first got divorced... I had to learn by experience that these guys weren't out for just company for dinner. Since then, I've dumped guys I was initially interested in after they made this suggestion... no matter how much I liked them before.

 

 

I'm sad of course, the be faced with the reality that they are uncreative, tacky, and unwilling to get to know me before trying to push sex, but oh well.

 

 

Long story short... We women get it that this is the modern '3 date rule' thing where guys are testing the waters if they are gonna get sex ASAP. If he is ready for her to make a romantic decision about him, then yes, go ahead.

 

 

If he is ready to get dumped by a woman he is trying to impress, yes, by all means... suggest 'dinner and a movie'... Yes, go ahead and take that chance.

[RedRobin]

Oh Lord.

 

RR - you just dumped these dudes without simply suggesting another date idea?

 

I just flat-out tell 'em. "I'm not ready for that just yet but there's a movie I wanna see..." and then they can take it from there. What they do after that tells me what I need to know.

 

 

Yes. I dump men who make those suggestions that early. I learned that even after I suggested something else, the pressure didn't let up. They were intent on pushing for sex around that time or shortly after. I've never observed it to go any other way.

 

 

It didn't create a healthy environment where I could feel comfortable getting to know the guy. Future interactions then become about when we were going to f*ck rather than enjoying each other's company and getting to know him. It's annoying and obnoxious. That said, I'm talking about mature men here... Men who should know better and know exactly what they are doing and suggesting when they go for that.

 

 

Younger men may or may not be aware of what this is suggesting... or in the case with some posters here, don't care. They just push and don't face consequences. I happen to believe men should face consequences for pushing for early sex (or those situations) with women before they give them a chance to get to know them *shrug*

 

 

OR.. they should be cut loose to go find a woman who is ok having sex with strangers. Too bad for the guy if he really liked me.

Edited January 15, 2014 by RedRobin

[clia]

I'm really amazed at the number of guys who post on this site who seem to think that cooking dinner at home for the second or third date is such an awesome date idea that a woman couldn't possibly want to turn it down.

 

No -- it isn't a great date idea -- and not only because it pretty clearly indicates that you expect the night to end in sex, but because it's just a boring, lame date during a time period when you should be having fun.

 

And OP wants to cook dinner together...at her place...which means she will likely be doing most of the work, since it's her kitchen and her stuff.

 

Take her out to eat for God's sakes. If things work out between the two of you, you will have plenty of nights in the future to stay in and cook dinner together. By then maybe you will be living in a better place so you won't have to worry about this issue.

[antineutrino]

Mmm, I'm sure you mean well, but it's possible that she will misinterpret your suggestion and think you are shady. You can leave that for later, or just tell her how your housing situation is and if it's okay with her (don't seem ashamed, because there is nothnig to be ashamed of).

 

Hmm, that's a fair point. I'm new at all this stuff, so I'm not trying to push sex or anything, I've just seen it as a common date idea a few dates in, so I thought it was good. I guess not lol.

 

I guess it's not a bad idea to just be honest about my housing situation too. How would I broach the subject?

 

I agree with Gaius. Let her suggest it. Tell her you are a great cook and that you'd love to cook for her sometime. Ask about her kitchen maybe, and tell her you'd be happy to take your personal chef gig on the road. lol.

 

See what she says. If she doesn't offer to have you cook at her place after that, then she's likely not interested in the 'dinner and a movie' wink, wink just yet.

 

Thanks for the suggestion!

 

I'm really amazed at the number of guys who post on this site who seem to think that cooking dinner at home for the second or third date is such an awesome date idea that a woman couldn't possibly want to turn it down.

 

No -- it isn't a great date idea -- and not only because it pretty clearly indicates that you expect the night to end in sex, but because it's just a boring, lame date during a time period when you should be having fun.

 

And OP wants to cook dinner together...at her place...which means she will likely be doing most of the work, since it's her kitchen and her stuff.

 

Take her out to eat for God's sakes. If things work out between the two of you, you will have plenty of nights in the future to stay in and cook dinner together. By then maybe you will be living in a better place so you won't have to worry about this issue.

 

Hmm, I didn't realize that. As I mentioned above, I've just heard people mention it a lot before, so I figured it was a good date idea.

 

I don't necessarily see why she'd be doing most of the work. I enjoy cooking as well, and would be more than happy to do a lot of the work.

 

Well the first date was tea and then we got some food later on since we were both hungry. The second date we went to a restaurant, concert, and then a bar afterwards. I'd be more than happy to take her out to eat again -- it wouldn't get stale? What are other good activities to do afterwards?

[regine_phalange]

Hmm, that's a fair point. I'm new at all this stuff, so I'm not trying to push sex or anything, I've just seen it as a common date idea a few dates in, so I thought it was good. I guess not lol.

 

I guess it's not a bad idea to just be honest about my housing situation too. How would I broach the subject?

 

No, it's allright to invite her, just don't ask her to invite you in her own house, as it may seem pressuring:) with shady I meant that maybe she will think you avoid inviting her to your own place because you have another girl on the side or so.

 

You may just tell her casually that you would love to cook for her, if she doesnt mind your roomates and your lack of space for table.

[pteromom]

To a girl, a guy saying "let's cook together at your place/my place" means "I am ready to have sex".

 

I would not suggest that yet. Let her suggest it, or wait until you are pretty sure she is ready to have sex.

 

When it comes time to explain your living situation, just do it. There's nothing shameful about having roommates, and as long as your room is not a pig sty, she's not going to judge you for it.

[antineutrino]

No, it's allright to invite her, just don't ask her to invite you in her own house, as it may seem pressuring:) with shady I meant that maybe she will think you avoid inviting her to your own place because you have another girl on the side or so.

 

You may just tell her casually that you would love to cook for her, if she doesnt mind your roomates and your lack of space for table.

 

Oh okay, thanks for the clarification and suggestion! We've casually discussed cooking meals for each other, but nothing concrete.

 

To a girl, a guy saying "let's cook together at your place/my place" means "I am ready to have sex".

 

I would not suggest that yet. Let her suggest it, or wait until you are pretty sure she is ready to have sex.

 

When it comes time to explain your living situation, just do it. There's nothing shameful about having roommates, and as long as your room is not a pig sty, she's not going to judge you for it.

 

Fair point. How do I know when a girl is ready to have sex / get more physical than just kissing? I'm still a virgin, so I have no idea what the signs would be.

[StanMusial]

Take her horseback riding.

[lino]

I'm really amazed at the number of guys who post on this site who seem to think that cooking dinner at home for the second or third date is such an awesome date idea that a woman couldn't possibly want to turn it down.

 

No -- it isn't a great date idea -- and not only because it pretty clearly indicates that you expect the night to end in sex, but because it's just a boring, lame date during a time period when you should be having fun.

 

And OP wants to cook dinner together...at her place...which means she will likely be doing most of the work, since it's her kitchen and her stuff.

 

Take her out to eat for God's sakes. If things work out between the two of you, you will have plenty of nights in the future to stay in and cook dinner together. By then maybe you will be living in a better place so you won't have to worry about this issue.

 

So cooking dinner automatically means having a root now does it? Wow, news to me.

 

I cook for people all the time, whether it's friends, family, a romantic interest, whatever. I never think it'll lead to sex straight afterwards.

 

What an un enjoyable attitude you have.

[lino]

To a girl, a guy saying "let's cook together at your place/my place" means "I am ready to have sex".

 

I would not suggest that yet. Let her suggest it, or wait until you are pretty sure she is ready to have sex.

 

When it comes time to explain your living situation, just do it. There's nothing shameful about having roommates, and as long as your room is not a pig sty, she's not going to judge you for it.

 

Since when does cooking dinner mean sex? Is this an American thing?

 

If a girl ever assumed that of my gesture to cook her dinner I'd feel insulted, unappreciated and likely never talk to her again.

[MissBee]

]Ignore the girls here. If Brad Pitt or someone they were heavily romantically involved with offered to come to their house out invited them over to cook dinner for them' date=' they would say yes in a heartbeat.[/b'] Be a man. If you feel she likes you as much as you like her, tell her "Let's cook dinner at your place on so so date." If she's interested, she'll say yes. If she has something on that day, she'll say she's busy BUT offer a counter date.

 

 

This makes no sense...

 

The OP is NOT Brad Pitt so clearly then something a woman will make an exception for with Brad Pitt isn't gonna help him or or any other man .

 

Anyway:

 

I get your concern OP, but I'm not sure then why you'd want to even bring up a date idea that you can't comfortably do. I would be a bit put off if a man invited himself to cook at my place after such a short time, I'd wonder why he wouldn't just invite me to his own place. I'd wait a while for that date and that way when you bring it up maybe you'll feel less awkward about suggesting her place or you can be frank about your living situation.

 

You could also cook her dinner and make it a picnic or another thing that would be cute would be to cook her dinner and bring it and wine to her place already cooked instead of inviting yourself to cook in her kitchen as that is kind of weird esp when you don't know the person that well as yet.

Edited January 16, 2014 by MissBee

[MissBee]

So cooking dinner automatically means having a root now does it? Wow, news to me.

 

I cook for people all the time, whether it's friends, family, a romantic interest, whatever. I never think it'll lead to sex straight afterwards.

 

What an un enjoyable attitude you have.

 

Umm clearly cooking for your mom or friend will not lead to sex or have the same undertones to it as doing it in the context of a date...I mean this is common sense. It is also common sense that you know your family and friends a lot longer than you know someone you've been on 3 dates with, so the familiarity element in cooking for one versus the other is very different.

 

It may not automatically mean that but for many women it can seem forward and for MANY guys this is exactly what this means, hence the advice that maybe one should wait to do that so as not to give her the wrong idea.

[StanMusial]

I never equated a cooked dinner to automatic sex. Then again I'm not as hard-core as the folks on here.

[Aquanut]

You can't speak for me or any other woman here.

 

 

The last time I accepted a man's offer of cooking for me was after we had dated for over two months.

 

 

Every other guy who suggested it as early as this poster did got dumped. I didn't have LS when I first got divorced... I had to learn by experience that these guys weren't out for just company for dinner. Since then, I've dumped guys I was initially interested in after they made this suggestion... no matter how much I liked them before.

 

 

I'm sad of course, the be faced with the reality that they are uncreative, tacky, and unwilling to get to know me before trying to push sex, but oh well.

 

 

Long story short... We women get it that this is the modern '3 date rule' thing where guys are testing the waters if they are gonna get sex ASAP. If he is ready for her to make a romantic decision about him, then yes, go ahead.

 

 

If he is ready to get dumped by a woman he is trying to impress, yes, by all means... suggest 'dinner and a movie'... Yes, go ahead and take that chance.

 

Funny you should say these things. Women do exactly the same and I'm glad they do :-)

 

When I was dating after my divorce women often invited me to their place to hang out after just one or two dates. It took some getting used to since I didn't remember it being that way back in the dark ages when I had last dated.

 

I was kind of shocked when the first woman that I dated after my divorce asked me if I wanted to come keep her company while she packed for a trip. Wink wink. This was after two dates. We kissed on the second date. I bought condoms on the way to her place just in case. I didn't use them but we made out heavily before I said I had to go. She told me she admired my self-restraint in being able to leave without pushing for sex when I was hot and bothered. She invited me over to her place the first night she was back from vacation. She had the couch piled high with stuff so the only place to sit was her bed. She invited me to sit with her on the bed. And of course that led to sex.

 

Maybe I should have dumped her for pushing for sex too early.

 

After the first date and before the second date my fiancée invited me to her place to talk in front of the fire and stuff. Wink wink. We made out but I did not push for sex. As the evening was getting late and the fire was dying the room was getting cool but we were getting hot. I told her that if I don't leave now we might do something we regret. She kissed me more. I told her I was serious. I wanted her like nothing I've ever wanted before but didn't want to take a chance on messing things up by sleeping together too soon. I left. We saw each other 2 more times that week and I was able to summon up the resolve each time. It was extremely difficult to leave after the fourth date. She put her hand in my jeans and grasped me. I was so hard I thought I might rip a hole in my pants. She had to get up at 5 in the morning for work and then I wouldn't get to see her again for a week because she had her kids. I said let's wait until next Friday when we'll be able to take our time. I left. One night during the week I stopped by her apartment complex after her kids were asleep and invited her down for a kiss. We made out in my car. I told her Friday wouldn't be long. Friday came and she texted me that she wanted to stay in and that she had picked up bacon at the store. We had a wonderful weekend of lovemaking.

 

Maybe I should have dumped her for pushing for sex too soon? I'm damn glad I didn't.

 

Those are not the only two. Just the first and the last.

 

I have found ovef the past 30 years that women really adore a man who is sexually aroused by her but able to show self - restraint. It's not a huge sample but every time that has ever happened to me I've been offered sex on the very next date. Guys should consider adding self-restraint to their game. Maybe it shows the women that you're not going to be ****ing every piece of ass that tempts you and she probably doesn't have to worry about you banging her best friend behind her back.

Edited January 16, 2014 by Aquanut

[antineutrino]

I get your concern OP, but I'm not sure then why you'd want to even bring up a date idea that you can't comfortably do. I would be a bit put off if a man invited himself to cook at my place after such a short time, I'd wonder why he wouldn't just invite me to his own place. I'd wait a while for that date and that way when you bring it up maybe you'll feel less awkward about suggesting her place or you can be frank about your living situation.

 

You could also cook her dinner and make it a picnic or another thing that would be cute would be to cook her dinner and bring it and wine to her place already cooked instead of inviting yourself to cook in her kitchen as that is kind of weird esp when you don't know the person that well as yet.

 

This seems like the best course of action to me. Thanks for the input! I also like the idea about cooking dinner beforehand and bringing it to her place.

 

Guys should consider adding self-restraint to their game. Maybe it shows the women that you're not going to be ****ing every piece of ass that tempts you and she probably doesn't have to worry about you banging her best friend behind her back.

 

This makes sense. Since I've never had the opportunity to venture further than I am now, I'm willing to take it at whatever pace since I do like her a lot.

[Mascara]

OP, for what it's worth you sound like a genuinely good guy. I'm sure that will come across in whatever you suggest for the next date.

[RedRobin]

I have found ovef the past 30 years that women really adore a man who is sexually aroused by her but able to show self - restraint. It's not a huge sample but every time that has ever happened to me I've been offered sex on the very next date. Guys should consider adding self-restraint to their game. Maybe it shows the women that you're not going to be ****ing every piece of ass that tempts you and she probably doesn't have to worry about you banging her best friend behind her back.

 

 

 

Yep. A guy who exercises restraint shows me he is thinking with the head on his shoulders, not the one in his pants... and that he takes his share of responsibility for the pace of things and his own sexuality.

 

 

Guys who push show me they don't care about the pace of things... or they expect me to carry that whole load myself, which is a total effing cop out... and they aren't serious about building a relationship. So I dump them. The guys I date aren't little boys or shouldn't be.

 

 

Guys who push show me they aren't in control of their sexuality, and instead, have put control of their sexuality onto the woman to manage. Pretty lame. If they can't show restraint with me, why should I believe they'd have restraint with anyone else?? I can't.