Tryingtobegrateful Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 (edited) I just hope I met someone before knowing him...so I could be less naive and avoided doing all the mistakes I had done in this relationship, so I could tread more carefully... Edited January 15, 2014 by Tryingtobegrateful
Philosoraptor Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Why blame yourself? You made choices and nothing can change them, so let them go and focus on the only thing you can control... this moment. Find enjoyment right now and do something positive. No need to mourn the past when it will do nothing to help your life right now. 3
sportzhl24 Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 I feel the same way. I always ask myself, why did it have to be her as my first love? Why couldn't it have been somebody else, somebody when I was younger and it didn't really matter? Why did I make those mistakes that I made? But when it comes down to it, you can't keep asking why. It is exhausting, believe me. What happened, happened, and wallowing in it is going to do nothing but drive you insane. So please, take time to heal yourself and stop wondering "why" and "what if." Let go. Let yourself go in this world. 2
love1336x Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 I wish I could never given my virginity to my first love...., but hey what can be done? I've had amazing sex after him. I will have to teach my daughters, and grand-daughters the importance of virginity because you will regret it BADLY. But other than that.... I don't blame him or me for our relationship ended. We had our time. It was nice, but we both wanting different things. I wanting him to fully accept me and love me. He wanting freedom to bang other girls. SOOO, i am happy we are not together anymore. 2
JDPT Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 Takes two to tango remember? Take your 50% ownership in this past relationship, learn from it, and run with it. I too spent an exuberant amount of time blaming mysel for everything that occurred when in reality she was no angel, and last time I checked which was a very long time ago she isn't perfection. Release any time of self-blame you make fictitious my generate. Objectively analyze this experience and continue to grow. You will come out of this a new and improved you. 3
maturityassets Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 They call it first love for a reason. Its bitter sweet. The first time you felt love and so you'll always remember it but also you will have the wish it could have lasted. First love represents an ideal, that love can be so magical, but ideals are not reality. And in reality love has up and downs and other people will receive a part of your heart as well. While some people do marry their first love many don't and instead learn from it. Regardless if you were 16 or 20 years old. You learn what it means to be an indvidual as well as a partner in the future relationship that is yet to come. Don't blame yourself, just overcome the experience. First love is not last love for the majority of people. Good luck 1
Author Tryingtobegrateful Posted January 17, 2014 Author Posted January 17, 2014 Thank you all I know he is not angel...but nor am I And I wanted freedom too before meeting him, and never understood why people want to commit to someone else That's what we discussed on in the beginning, but gradually I began to fall in love, went home just to skype with home (LDR) rather than enjoying the dazzling life in London. He never promised me anything from the beginning (though he did give some mixed signals like telling his parents about me...), it was me that failed to guard my heart. I am an independent girl, but back then for a week I became really needy when my father's cancer reoccurred and he complained that I complained a lot for not replying... It is just that the final straw was my doing...I invaded his freedom by a surprise visit...he said he was taken back..I did not think about it all that much, its implications..like invading his freedom, disturbing his work (he had tons of workloads)...(He said I come into the middle of hell and he wanted to die...)I just went because he always said in text that he wanted to see me and I really trusted he meant every word he said... so I just keep rewinding how stupid and stupid I was...I was so blind-sighted by our "love" I just hope the circumstances were different, that my father's cancer did not reoccur at that time and he did not have so much stress from work...and I know better to give him "surprise" And I am 25 years old already...I am a nerd and do not really enjoy meeting people all that much These days I try to open myself and go to pub, I do get chatted up quite a lot but I just realize again and again that they are not what I want...and how difficult to find some like my ex again, I know I know, I can fall in love with different people with different experiences...but I guess I do have a certain preference... (Anyway, it is a long story, just for those that are interested http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/454424-am-i-bad-person)
iworthmore Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 it called first love cuz there will be second and third loves. u wont know how to swim until u jump to the water. first time's always have mistakes. focus on ur future. 1
maturityassets Posted January 17, 2014 Posted January 17, 2014 Thank you all I know he is not angel...but nor am I And I wanted freedom too before meeting him, and never understood why people want to commit to someone else That's what we discussed on in the beginning, but gradually I began to fall in love, went home just to skype with home (LDR) rather than enjoying the dazzling life in London. He never promised me anything from the beginning (though he did give some mixed signals like telling his parents about me...), it was me that failed to guard my heart. I am an independent girl, but back then for a week I became really needy when my father's cancer reoccurred and he complained that I complained a lot for not replying... It is just that the final straw was my doing...I invaded his freedom by a surprise visit...he said he was taken back..I did not think about it all that much, its implications..like invading his freedom, disturbing his work (he had tons of workloads)...(He said I come into the middle of hell and he wanted to die...)I just went because he always said in text that he wanted to see me and I really trusted he meant every word he said... so I just keep rewinding how stupid and stupid I was...I was so blind-sighted by our "love" I just hope the circumstances were different, that my father's cancer did not reoccur at that time and he did not have so much stress from work...and I know better to give him "surprise" And I am 25 years old already...I am a nerd and do not really enjoy meeting people all that much These days I try to open myself and go to pub, I do get chatted up quite a lot but I just realize again and again that they are not what I want...and how difficult to find some like my ex again, I know I know, I can fall in love with different people with different experiences...but I guess I do have a certain preference... (Anyway, it is a long story, just for those that are interested http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/454424-am-i-bad-person) It happens. We are all a bit co-dependent with our first loves. I for example got disgruntled if my ex would say she would call me later and never did. You're still growing up from the experience and that's not a bad thing. But also he had his own problems as well, complaining about you invading his freedom? He should have been happy to see you put the effort normally. I hope your father does well. All you are going through is anxiety and sometimes we need people to insure us so we aren't so anxious about the things we are afraid or uncertain of. Trick is not to be so worried about what is to come and just know you will handle it 1
Author Tryingtobegrateful Posted January 17, 2014 Author Posted January 17, 2014 It happens. We are all a bit co-dependent with our first loves. I for example got disgruntled if my ex would say she would call me later and never did. You're still growing up from the experience and that's not a bad thing. But also he had his own problems as well, complaining about you invading his freedom? He should have been happy to see you put the effort normally. I hope your father does well. All you are going through is anxiety and sometimes we need people to insure us so we aren't so anxious about the things we are afraid or uncertain of. Trick is not to be so worried about what is to come and just know you will handle it Thank you. My father already passed away...right after he broke up with me. So it has been a tough time, but I am coping...much thanks to the love in this forum as well I dont want to annoy my friends all that much yes he is not a happy person, I believe I am now happier than him, but I never see this as a competition between us. I still love him, and hope he will learn to find happiness soon, I am learning to love him unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. But not to the level of hearing out about his girl problems as a friend...the final text message he sent me was "feel free to contact me" on the New Year Eve, I have not contacted him yet.
maturityassets Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 I'm sorry to hear about your father. It must be a hard time for you especially. Hopefully you are able to cope with your ex quickly. And yes its never a competition. Just focus on yourself and let him do what he wants. Good luck and don't worry about bothering anybody, its what these forums are for.
Sugarkane Posted January 19, 2014 Posted January 19, 2014 First loves are overrated. Focus on yourself and the future.
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