Calli154 Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Almost 3 months since BU. Im slowly healing. But now the thought of my ex being with someone else makes me sick. I'm past the shock stage and beginning to think straight again. But now reality is setting in. He's going to move on. Find a new girl. Make her happy. My chest feels like it could explode. How do you guys deal with these feelings?
flightplan Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Almost 3 months since BU. Im slowly healing. But now the thought of my ex being with someone else makes me sick. I'm past the shock stage and beginning to think straight again. But now reality is setting in. He's going to move on. Find a new girl. Make her happy. My chest feels like it could explode. How do you guys deal with these feelings? Don't focus on his well being, focus on yours. You'll go nuts thinking about whatifs. He could also find a new girl that ends up breaking his heart, you never know. The point is, it's a useless exercise designed to make you go crazy. Replace your thoughts with what you can do to move on to make yourself happy and slowly but surely thoughts of him will fade away. 3
Mondmellonw Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Just avoid those images on your head. Yes... As simple as it sounds. Focus on you and on your life, not on his. It sounds like you're almost there, just be patient and keep busy!
D-Lish Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Almost 3 months since BU. Im slowly healing. But now the thought of my ex being with someone else makes me sick. I'm past the shock stage and beginning to think straight again. But now reality is setting in. He's going to move on. Find a new girl. Make her happy. My chest feels like it could explode. How do you guys deal with these feelings? It's just something you have to push through. You might not recognize you're making progress, but you are, trust me. One day you will look back and all this will be a distant memory. I know that's of little solace to you now. Take time out of life to do things that comfort you. Don't be afraid to cry it out. Take on a project to change your focus. Maybe there is something you've always wanted to do but haven't had the chance to - no better time than now. Anything to take your mind of your grief will help some. Don't avoid grieving, but take breaks from it. Sorry you are going through this.
LostConfused123 Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 I hated this part of recovery! Hurts like nothing else. I'm so sorry. This is going to sound totally obvious but avoid movies right now (Unless you know there are no love scenes) This would always sneak up when I least expected it. It was like a punch in the stomach every time. Best of luck in your recovery! ((hugs!!))
Survivor12 Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 What is making you feel sick is fear--fear of being caught off-guard and of how you will react when it does happen. In my experience, the best way to overcome fear is to face it head on. Trying to avoid thinking about something only makes you think of it more, and the best way to lessen the "shock" when it does happen is to be prepared. My advice is to let yourself imagine the worst and allow yourself to experience the emotions on your own schedule instead of spending every day filled with fear and dread worrying about when you're going to be blindsided. Let it out. Don't let the fear control you. 2
Author Calli154 Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 Ugh it's so hard. He was my best friend. Loved me at my worst. My dad died 4 months after we started dating. He didn't leave my side for weeks. Also, he works for a wheelchair mobility company.. I met him when he came and set up a ramp for my dad. I literally lost my rock and now someone else is going to bs lucky.
JDPT Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Don't torture yourself with hypothetical scenarios or apply them as reality. What you ex does is from this point forward utterly irrelevant to you. It essentially makes no difference if he makes the next girl smile or cry. Focus on you, you are all that matters from this point forward. Be strong and reroute your thoughts towards something more productive, towards you.
daftpunk Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 My ex dumped me after 3 years, met another guy within a couple weeks, started dating a couple weeks after that and moved in together, got pregnant by him a month or so after that, and they decided to get married because they are having a kid. The pain is truly unique and absolutely excruciating. I could do nothing to stop my worst fears from unfolding right in front of me. Long story short, nothing helps. You will never be the same. If there was truly love lost, then you'll carry that dull ache the rest of your life. But it won't kill you. 1
BOREDouttaMymind Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 oh man calli, I know the feeling all to well. you start to think about those damn images in your head of a girl being with your man and all of a sudden your gut feels like its being punched OVER AND OVER AND OVER. ugh. worst feeling ever. youre right though, you are healing. its funny for me to think of my ex gf. I was in your shoes years ago. I couldn't stand the thought of her being with someone else. I was the ONE FOR HER! I LOVED HER! how could she get naked with another man!??? I was sad, angry, in pain, everything. ..but now that time has gone by, I could care less about her. Its so freeing to think of her with another dude and think, "ya whatever". youll get there. it takes time. know what works? crying. seriously. our bodies are designed to let emotion out. so cry when you want to cry and scream in a pillow as much as you want. all that energy gets released and your body wont have the energy to cause the pain. youll be ok jellybelly. trust me.
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