Girlfriend of almost 3 years broke up because she thought relationship was one-sided.

[Murtz]

First some back story. We dated for almost 3 years. First few months were great. However the next 8 were long distance because of school, I would see her every 3 weeks. The next year she decided to go to the same school as me and wanted to hang out all day every day and was really needy. It was a little too much for me, but I loved her so I got over it. By the end of her first school year she decided that she wanted to move back home to her family because she missed them, but was scared to death that something was going to happen to us if we went back to long distance.

 

I was going through G.I.G.S. (grass is greener syndrome), but I still loved her and did not want to lose her, so I did not break up with her. However since we were back to long distance I used that time to keep my space. Around Halloween I got over my G.I.G.S. and realized I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life. However the past few months she felt unwanted or needed because I never initiated texting or initiated calling. She felt as if she was holding this relationship together herself. I also got distracted by video games and friends, not having my priorities straight in life. I realized this a week before she broke up with me.

 

Instead of telling me what was bothering her, she broke up with me instead. We never had a fight in our entire 3 year relationship so this really bothered me. On December 12 she broke up with me and said that she needed to figure herself out and what she wanted in life, I think she was going through G.I.G.S. herself now. She said she was unhappy when I was away because she missed me and she was unhappy when I was around because I was distracted by other things in life. She was afraid that she was getting in too big of a commitment. I brought up how it was unfair how I treated her and that I would like to be given a chance to treat her better. She said that she would need time to think about it, but still wanted to hang out as friends.

 

So the next month, during our Christmas break, I did grand gesture after grand gesture to show her that I really cared about her. She thought everything was really cute and would sometimes be in tears on how sweet I was. We would talk about us some times and I would ask what can I do to show her that I care for her, she said these grand gestures are a great start.

 

We even went on a date, it was her idea. She told me later that she cried afterwards and was upset with how she was treating me. She invited me to her birthday party, but never told me when it was. Every time I asked she would tell me that she did not know yet. Eventually I got on her Facebook and found out that she created an event for her party with a date and everything and did not invite me. I called her out on it. She got really upset and apologized for lying to me. She was afraid of hurting me.

 

However, she never said anything, but I knew she suspected that I went on her Facebook account. I know it was wrong for me to do, so I thought the best I could do was to tell her myself and explain why I did it and how I was really sorry and shouldn't have done it in the first place. She was a little upset and said that she would get over, and was glad that I told her.

 

In the next couple of days, Jan 11, I had to go back to school. I told her that before we go back that we need to either get back together or that I need start no contact. She didn't want either. She said that right now she needed time to herself, but she really wants to keep in touch. She doesn't want to try again right now because she said she wants to wait till things settle down between us because she is afraid that if our second chance doesn't work then she is afraid that we will never be together.

 

I told her that it is unfair for me to wait for her, then for her to finally tell me that we wont be together. I told her that today, Jan 11, was the last day that I could guarantee a yes. She cried in the car with me for two hours while we said our goodbyes. I told her that I really care about her and that she should never be afraid to contact me if she changes her mind.

 

 

 

Is there anything else I can do?

Should I wait for her?

Do I have a chance?

She mentioned something about waiting till spring break. If she doesn't contact me by spring break, should I contact her?

 

 

 

 

Thanks

Edited January 15, 2014 by Murtz
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[Bigcitydreamer]

Sorry your going through this. To me it sounds like you have done all you can do. I think it's good you recognized your mistakes and openly admit them. I may go against the grain when I say this but I think since she broke up with you because of your treatment (did she make that clear or could it have been another reason?) then it should be on you to show her you can fix that the way you treat her. What kind of gestures did you do to prove that you really love her?

 

She may have the mindset that gestures do not show her that you really care. She may be thinking you are just freaking out right now and will do or say anything to get her back without actually reflecting on your feelings and meaning it.

 

I'd make sure she knows your intentions and keep LC if you want her back.. But if she broke up with you for a different reason and is using your behaviour as an excuse then there isn't much you can do.

 

I believe that she probably left your for the bad behaviour. So many girls have to leave guys for this exact same stuff. I've done it more than once. And when they freak out and worry and do and say anything, I generally don't believe it no matter how much I want to because your actions in the past do not match your current words.

 

You should really make sure you want her back and for the right reasons, I'd do this by taking time away and self reflection. Good luck

[Murtz]

She mentioned at the end of the month that she wish that we didn't talk as much and I would have given her more space. I don't want to go into too much detail about my gestures, but she really took them to heart. I explained to her why I acted the way I acted and she understands.

 

But I think that is what i am afraid of. Do I do no contact, proving her right, or do I go all out and keep showing her that I care. Her friends think I am creepy of course, but my ex thinks everything I am doing cute and appreciates it all.

 

Maybe I should give her time to think things through and then contact here in 2 more months when I come home for a week during spring break?

[Bigcitydreamer]

Well as a girl if it were me and that's why I broke up with my bf then I'd prefer him to show me he really cared and agreed to the terms that I wanted to talk on.

[Murtz]

I just don't want to become annoying to her if she really needs a break. I know what that is like since I wanted a break myself, but was able to get through it. I am just afraid of both situations. If I keep up NC she might think I do not care, but if I keep trying she might become annoyed as she has definately been thinking of breaking up for awhile and has finally had the guts to do it. I just wish she would have had a serious dicussion about all this before she ran off with her G.I.G.S.

 

If she doesn't contact me in the next 2 months, I think I am going to call her and say that I wanted to have no contact so our emotions could calm down and we could think straight when we talked about this in the future.