wynaut22 Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 My (now ex) boyfriend and I of about a year are both in high school (I'm 18) and I really love him. I thought it was meant to be, a happy relationship, etc. but then he started distancing himself from me and today he dumped me. He was sitting outside on the sidewalk by himself and I knew he was gonna dump me, and I went out and sat next to him hoping to just get it over with. He told me that the only reason he really asked me out was because our friends pressured him to, and he was "tired of hurting me" and he was confused about his feelings. Well I didn't cry or even get angry, I told him that I didn't want to go out with him anymore either, and that I deserved to be with someone who cared about me, and I got up and walked away. He stayed out there sitting by himself for a long time, and he was late for practice because of it. I continued to act happy and laugh with my friends during practice and he kept looking at me and he looked sad and confused. Then when I got home, he texted me. It really confused me that he texted me... But in his texts, he said that he's sorry for what happened, and I told him that I'm okay with it and now I can be happier. He said "Ok well can we start over and just be friends I don't want you to hate me" and I told him that I wasn't ready to be friends yet, but that I didn't hate him and I wouldn't be mean to him and that he isn't my enemy. And then he sent me a long text that said "Ok well I did love you and I did mean all the things I ever said to you in the past or present but I want to explore I'm still living high school my only time in my life where I'm free but you're a senior and you're about to explore the world but Emily I had a real fun time in our relationship and I'll never forget it you were my first girlfriend in high school and I did love you". And I told him that I feel like I deserve to be with someone who cares and will stick by me and that I'm happy for the breakup. He said he hopes I find that person, and I told him I hope he gets to "explore" and that was that. After that I just gave him one-word replies to his texts. I am pretty depressed by the breakup (but I'd never show him that I'm sad about it) because I was really into him and wanted a future with him. And now I'm confused as to why he would even bother texting me. Part of me wants him back but the other part of me feels like if I ever did get him back, I would have to worry about him randomly dumping me yet again and I want to just be happy as a single person. Why would he text me? How can I learn to be happy being single? (I haven't been single in a long time and I'm not used to it) Thank you for reading this.
D-Lish Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 I'm sorry about your break up, you seem to be handling it very maturely- a lot more maturely than I did at your age. Sometimes feelings and circumstances change, and it's nobody's fault. That's an unfortunate reality in life. I think he's probably feeling guilty, and genuinely wishes you no ill will. I'm sure he's also sad about ending things as well.
herself Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 I would caution you to be careful. What you say cant be taken back. So, you ARE sad and you still love him & it hurts but you showed him you laughing with friends and saying flippant things like "Im glad for the breakup and can be happy now" I agree not to fall apart and beg and cry. But the best reaction and the thing that says the most is simple silence. His words seemed genuine and you dont owe him a big warm sweet reply back, but you dont mean the flippant.empty replies and they serve to hurt him & prove you were someone he SHOULD have broken up with as your proving by your words you didnt even care. Dont play games to get back at him, politely defirend, block texts and emails and heal quietly and focus on your future now. I know he broke your heart & Im sorry, but it makes me feel sad he saw you laughing and looked upset & hurt & confused. His long silence sitting alone on the sidewalk was him reflecting and concerned and putting thought to it. As well as his heartfelt text to which you also spit on when a simple thanks than no contact would be classier. No more games.
OhThatGirl Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 ^^ I have to disagree a little bit. I think you handled this incredibly well. Really. Whether you want him back or you want to move on, I think you did a great job at handling yourself. I will however warn you that in the coming days you may regret not showing more pain, feel worse than ever, and it may all catch up to you. If not, great! Sign that you were really ready for things to end too! If it DOES, remember how things ended on a very good note. He cares for you and doesn't want you to hurt. He gave valid reasons and assures you his feelings are sincere. (Ugh.. If only every breakup could be so nice) He was late because he was reflecting to be sure. I think it's easier for the dumper when there is a lot of drama and emotion. It cements the decision in their mind. Now he's probably wondering if he did the right thing.. Thus the text he sent you. He's probably hurt that you didn't seem hurt by the end of the relationship. I do hope that you shared some of your feelings with him too (telling him you sincerely cared for him as well, that you loved him if this was the case). I wouldn't call these games but rather an effort to show him you're not affected by his decision. It may hurt you later to have saved face today. In any case, I'm sorry this happened. Don't be afraid to tell him it hurts if it does. But also remaining a bit aloof and mysterious while you sort out your feelings isn't always a bad thing. Good luck to you. 1
kjackson1 Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 (edited) You handled the situation very well and seem very mature for your age. He made up his mind so its time to move on. You deserve someone who knows what they want. Surround yourself with friends and family and find new hobbies. You are hurt now but the pain will heal in time. Look forward to college and the opportunity of meeting new people. It has been one of the main things that helped me tremendously with my hear break. kjackson Edited January 15, 2014 by kjackson1
BOREDouttaMymind Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 DANG GIRL YOU ARE THE STRONGEST GIRL I have ever. met. ever. you go girl, whoop whoop. hes texting you because, surprise surprise, you didn't respond to the break up like he thought you would. he wanted you to cry and beg and hold him and cry and cry and whine... but you didn't. and because you didn't (cause youre super strong like steel), hes like "what the heck??? why isn't she begging me to come back??" so, because hes a dude, he needs to get his pride back by trying to 'start over' so he can eventually juts break up with you again. trust me, hes NOT the guy for you. I know you wont trust me cause youre young, but hes NOT the one. do you really picture yourself cleaning his dentures when youre 78 years old? nope.
Recommended Posts