PeaTearGriffin Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 (edited) So here's the story....My girlfriend and I were together for 5 years. She had been pushing for marriage pretty hard for the last few years, but I wasn't ready for reasons unknown even to me. 3 months ago she finally had enough, left me, and moved back home (very, very far away). At first I was alright. I was dating and hanging with friends and everything, but the last few weeks it feels like that's worn off and I just miss her terribly. Icing on the cake was seeing that she's dating another guy. I absolutely lost it (damn you facebook!). I poured my heart out to her but to no avail. Now that I see what my life is like without her, I'd marry her tomorrow if she'd give me the chance. Her and I talk from time to time and she says she still loves me, but she has to move on because A) I've hurt her too many times by not giving her what she wanted and B) she thinks this new relationship could be something. My question is...Do I fight for her or let her move on? I can't eat, sleep, or concentrate on anything. I'm losing my mind. Please help!!! Edited January 15, 2014 by PeaTearGriffin
ThatMan Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Do you fight her or let her move on? I'm sorry to say, but that gift isn't something for you to offer. You do not possess her future, and she can already decide for herself how to live, and you cannot change that.
almond Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Let go. You weren't ready for marriage, and you aren't now - what you are feeling is panic and desperation. You do not know what your life is like without her - you just know what your life is like after a breakup. It sucks, but it's temporary. You are in pain, and will need to get over the loss. Five years is a long time, and there is definitely a rocky adjustment period. You've hit a rough patch. Don't panic - it will get better. She is with a new guy. She has moved on. You are still in the process. You are looking back on the relationship with rose coloured glasses firmly planted to your face - you do not want to marry her today. Do not let fear make you irrational. Just stay calm, block her from facebook and everywhere else. Initiate no contact and move on with your life. 2
d0nnivain Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 She may be too angry to listen to reason at this point. I know I was when I ended a relationship for similar reasons; after more years then you were together he wouldn't marry me. The ONLY thing she is going to understand is you down on one knee with a ring in your hand & a very specific question on your lips. If you aren't prepared to fly to her & propose, let her go. Understand this may not work because she may be that angry.
Author PeaTearGriffin Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 I was going to do just this. I wouldn't dare try to get her back without that being my intent. I was planning it out and everything. We just happened to talk the day I was planning it and I just wanted to know if she still loved me. I asked, and her response was she doesn't think she does. So I scrapped the plan. But since then she's said she does still love me. I'm so confused. I can't decide whether to let something I love go or fight for her.
MissBee Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Let go. You weren't ready for marriage, and you aren't now - what you are feeling is panic and desperation. You do not know what your life is like without her - you just know what your life is like after a breakup. It sucks, but it's temporary. You are in pain, and will need to get over the loss. Five years is a long time, and there is definitely a rocky adjustment period. You've hit a rough patch. Don't panic - it will get better. She is with a new guy. She has moved on. You are still in the process. You are looking back on the relationship with rose coloured glasses firmly planted to your face - you do not want to marry her today. Do not let fear make you irrational. Just stay calm, block her from facebook and everywhere else. Initiate no contact and move on with your life. Excellent post! Lots of people need to read and re-read this.
fluffball825 Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 It sounds like you let go a long time ago, you may have enjoyed her company which many people mistake for love. This company is no longer around and there's a hole in its place. The pure fact that you were fine when you originally broke up and were dating others shows you weren't in love. Your biggest issue is that she was yours and now you don't like seeing someone else have her. You also stated that she told you she still loves you but no where did you even mention if you love/loved her. The company that you had has now gone and you're feeling lonely and to try and get it back you will even offer the one thing she wanted, which is marriage. But this is not a reason to get married it's fake a lie. one day it will all crash down and you will have nothing. Don't be so selfish and think about her. You need to let her go and let her live her own life. You couldn't and never will be able to give her what she wants. Not truly.
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