He told me he doesn't love me anymore

[swordlock827]

Hi,

 

Me and my ex broke up a couple weeks ago after a year and a half relationship. I really thought he was the one and the love of my life and more importantly, my best friend. He would tell me things like "cheers to many more years to come" and how he can't wait for the future. He was the sweetest boyfriend and really treated me like a princess. He was the one that pursued me and wanted to get more serious. He would go out of his way to do things for me. And I was a nice girlfriend. But Basically, I was graduating college but he is still a year lower than me. He found out that he would be relocating to New York for a full time position while I would either be in SF or LA. He told me he wanted to do long distance - no matter where we were. I've seen him cry many times over me and being far away from me. And then a month before we were going to go our separate ways, he started telling me he cannot do long distance anymore as much as he wants to. In my heart, I truly believe he loved me and started pushing me away knowing he will be in new york for a long time. One weekend he went to LA without me with some friends and I completely blew up on him for going without me and cried- he slowly became hesitant in doing long-distance. He told me he loves me so much and that he cannot imagine life without me. That following week, we were having problems in the sense that he was going back and forth on how he felt about long distance. On his phone notepad I found a note that said "I think I love her but I don't know how to tell her." (Basically it was about his friend that's a girl but she has a boyfriend) Then we broke up the next day. He told me we mainly broke up because of long distance and his feelings regarding this relationship have changed. I do not think the note he had on his phone really had any merit- it was a fleeting drunk thought and he told me he would have never acted on it. In my head, I think he was slowly detaching himself from me, no matter how painful it was. He told me he was heartbroken and it was one of the hardest decisions of his life but it was the right decision. I was really mad and ended up messaging the girl asking about the situation, and she told me nothing has ever happened, that she only sees him as a friend and is confused where this is all coming from. He was upset that I had told her but I wanted to know. He mentioned that he does push people that get too close away. That following week, we continued to see each other and he continued to flirt with me and we ended up hooking up one night. He told me I made him so happy and that I'll always have a special place in his heart. He said it had nothing to do with her and that his feelings were probably affected by the long distance situation and that it would have been different if we were going to be in the same city. We both left for winter break and I tried to do NC but he would send me snapchats wishing me good luck in my job interviews and asking specific questions about things. Finally on new years, I told him happy new year and we had a short text exchange where he told me he spends quite alot of time thinking about last year and all the good memories. and he mentioned that he misses me needless to say. we continued to text back and forth and snapchat and he kept liking my instagram photos. He also hasn't taken down our profile pictures and some of his friends have still liked them and commented them. So two days ago, I asked him if he's okay with being friends and if he still loved me. I told him I cannot see him as just a friend. He said he wants to be friends but he cannot be friends if I still see him as a boyfriend. I responded with a long text message telling him he's not ready for a relationship, he gave up when it got too hard, that i know deep down he still loves me, etc. (He's not good at getting his Ego hurt). I told him I won't be able to love the way again and that I want him to change and that I cry to sleep at night. He was being really mean and told me that he doesn't love me anymore and he can't tell me what to do but he hopes I dont think we will get back together and to believe him when he says we wont, that our relationship wasn't bad and distance was the main reason we broke up. He also said to stop hoping that we will be back together in the future because that will not happen. and that his feelings will never go back to what they were once were. He said to stop fighting for us because he's not. I didn't respond to his last message because I was so heartbroken.

 

Look, I know I should move on and I'm trying to and try to keep myself busy, but I honestly think deep in my heart that he was the one for me and that he let external forces, the fear that we were getting too close, the fact that we're young, and him moving away. I just don't believe him when he says. I love him so much and I honestly think he's trying really hard to not face criticisms. Does anyone have any stories of relationships where this sort of thing happened? He said it will never happen and that he doesn't love you and then get back together? What should i do to get him back? I'm trying NC but I really need help.

[pickflicker]

We're always going to be influenced by external forces. We're always going to have demands that interfere with our relationships. If that's the reason he's cut and run, then you can't help him. He needs to toughen up, in that case.

 

But I suspect (from reading the title of your thread and the last paragraph), that he told you he doesn't love you anymore, because he doesn't love you anymore. So now, you're only option for the foreseeable future, is to go NC.

[ilovemefirst]

Im sorry your going through this. You seem like a strong girl. I was in your shoes, well similar. My bf broke up with me a few weeks ago, telling me he didnt feel anything for me anymore. I knew he had been saying this for months and i always asked for another chance. Even though there was nothing wrong in the relationship, i knew he had the " grass is greener on the other side" syndrome. So i finally let go. But to my surprise, i became strong. I didnt contact him and i felt like i finally had dignity to walk away without begging for a chance again. That made me more confident and i have to say i vibrated a really positive energy. He was always repulsed by my weakness and hesistated to come back. I think i knew in the back of my mind it was only temporary. Well i had always known that men can smell desperation off a woman, even a mile away. We havent seen eachother in a while, i knew he was sensing that i was moving on and was feeling good about myself. Hes been contacting me and ive been ignoring it. I felt like i deserved more than just text messages. If he really cares, he will call me and say he wants to talk. He isnt the type that can have a deep conversation. He waits for me to talk to him about us. This time i was stubborn. It feels good. You should try it:). Remember, what you feel is what you get! Be happy!