Men Only Please...Can a man REALLY love his w if he cheats all the time...11 yrs.

[9Lives]

I am curious can this be true. It seems hard to believe that he does. The test then would be if he stop cheating could the marriage last. What's up Men?

[Mr Spock]

I'm NOT responding to your question JVrose-I'll leave that for those with bait and tackle-just curious what's motivating this and the other post-are you having a hard time today?

[Owl]

I think that there was a comment on one of your other posts that pretty much sums it up...it sounds to me like he doesn't know what love is.

 

He may think that he loves you. But, he's got no respect for you. He doesn't care as much about your feelings and well being as he cares for his own gratification. If you really and truly love someone who is doing this to you, then you need to convince him to get his butt in for counseling...because what he's doing isn't healthy for anyone involved.

 

Just my thought...

[LucreziaBorgia]

**edit**

Sorry, just saw that this was for "Men Only"

 

oops.

[stormywind]

I'm not a guy but will respond anyway. If a guy cheats---even if not continually----it ruins the trust in the marriage and there isn't love without trust.

[Moose]

I'll be the first to bite.

 

Of course he can love you, even though he's a cheat. I have a lot of women friends that I love dearly....but I don't poke them. I don't cheat on my wife. And it's not like I haven't had the opportunities or that I haven't thought about having an affair. I chose not to. My wife and I are very satified sexually and that's where most stray from marriage.

 

I don't know what's going on in your relationship. But I'm willing to bet that it stems from performance in the sack. That's what you need to concentrate and communicate with your hubby about. If either one of you aren't willing to try new things, or change old things.....it'll never work out.

[9Lives]

moose,

 

So is it that men love their life but not their spouse completely? Can this work if they stop cheating

[Moose]

Originally posted by jvjrose

moose,

 

So is it that men love their life but not their spouse completely? Can this work if they stop cheating

 

Look at what you just wrote. Life, and Spouse should be synomynus. Then there wouldn't be any cheating. Does that make sense?

 

You and your husband need to communicate and find out, EXACTLEY, what's going on to cause him to cheat. The fact that he's been doing it for so long and that you're still there isn't going to help one bit. He needs to stop now and be faithfull to you, but only as long as you're willing to do what is neccessary to keep him from straying. I'm not talking about the old ball and chain either. Just some changes that'll keep him sexually aroused by you.

 

If that can't be accomplished, or if either one of you aren't willing to try....then it's time to go your seperate ways and find someone who can give you those things.

[9Lives]

Originally posted by Moose

 

 

Look at what you just wrote. Life, and Spouse should be synomynus. Then there wouldn't be any cheating. Does that make sense?

 

You and your husband need to communicate and find out, EXACTLEY, what's going on to cause him to cheat. The fact that he's been doing it for so long and that you're still there isn't going to help one bit. He needs to stop now and be faithfull to you, but only as long as you're willing to do what is neccessary to keep him from straying. I'm not talking about the old ball and chain either. Just some changes that'll keep him sexually aroused by you.

 

If that can't be accomplished, or if either one of you aren't willing to try....then it's time to go your seperate ways and find someone who can give you those things.

 

 

Moose,

 

I'm not the one being cheated on. But I cant tell you how much I enjoy your postings. They give a great deal of insight to me. I was wondering because

the mm I used to see has cheated on his w on and off for 11 years so I was

trying to understand it. It is like he loves this woman and their life but he

will not be faithful to her. He says he tries but the sex is terrible. He wants to be satisfied. So I wanted to know if he stop cheating can the marriage really survive since he feels like he is not satisfied but he loves her. What you think?

[fanou22]

Originally posted by jvjrose

He wants to be satisfied. So I wanted to know if he stop cheating can the marriage really survive since he feels like he is not satisfied but he loves her. What you think?

 

If he is forced to stop cheating he will never be satisfied. If he stopped cheating on his own, he will never be satisfied. I believe married people have to meet each other half way.

 

Did he talk with his W about that problem? (Of course at this point you will relay what he told you)

Is he not satisfied because he is not getting enough sex or because of the quality of sex?

 

Though I am not a man but I will answer your question. A chronic cheater loves no one but himself. Sure he can love his W but not in the way that he should.

[9Lives]

I am positive that they have discussed the sex thing. He said they are working on it. Yeah I was curious because it does not make sense to me. I believe he will continue to cheat but will not leave her unless something happens that he cant handle anymore or something better comes along. She is the money maker in the family. She makes 3 times more money than him, she is the one who keeps everything together. Everything they have is basically because if her. I was just curious. He has said things like, he actually enjoyed talking to her as if to say he doesnt at times or something. He tried to leave her before but found out it would not really work for him. I think he stays for the lifestyle, not necessary because he loves her so much. I believe he loves her but if she wasnt holding him down and the lifestyle was not there...he would be gone. My opinion.

[Mr Spock]

I'd like to point out that the more time you spend analyzing their stupid relationship the less time you'll be able to spend on constructing a fabulous one of your own. If it's over, let it go. Please don't give any thought to this, not while it's so fresh.

 

Of course it's the lifestyle and her. If those weren't existant you wouldn't BE on this forum. He stays because he does love her, or parts of her, just as he loves parts of you, he stays because leaving would be messy and hard and why would he leave if he's got you?

 

See how it works?

[9Lives]

Originally posted by Mr Spock

I'd like to point out that the more time you spend analyzing their stupid relationship the less time you'll be able to spend on constructing a fabulous one of your own. If it's over, let it go. Please don't give any thought to this, not while it's so fresh.

 

Of course it's the lifestyle and her. If those weren't existant you wouldn't BE on this forum. He stays because he does love her, or parts of her, just as he loves parts of you, he stays because leaving would be messy and hard and why would he leave if he's got you?

 

See how it works?

 

 

MR SPOOOK

GO STRAIGHT TO HELL...DO NOT PAST GO, DO NOT COLLECT 200 DOLLARS.

YOU HAVE A CHOICE HERE....WHY DONT YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.

 

IF YOU DONT LIKE MY POST...HERE'S A BRIGHT IDEA....POST SOMEWHERE ELSE!!!

I DONT WANT YOUR ADVISE

 

JUST LEAVE ME THE F*CK ALONE.

 

I

[Mr Spock]

have you LOST YOUR MIND???

 

I see nothing on this thread that would warrant that response. Are you feeling OK? I did ask above if you're having a particularly rough time of things lately-are you? Please point out to me where I've stated I don't like your thread.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Would you like me to be abusive to you? I'm far, far, far better at it than you

[9Lives]

Originally posted by Mr Spock

I'd like to point out that the more time you spend analyzing their stupid relationship the less time you'll be able to spend on constructing a fabulous one of your own. If it's over, let it go. Please don't give any thought to this, not while it's so fresh.

 

Of course it's the lifestyle and her. If those weren't existant you wouldn't BE on this forum. He stays because he does love her, or parts of her, just as he loves parts of you, he stays because leaving would be messy and hard and why would he leave if he's got you?

 

See how it works?

 

 

First of all, if you think you are far, far, far better at being abusive then go for it. I really dont care.

 

Secondly, I didnt not appreciate your comments here or on another post that I just overlooked because I was trying to give you the benefit of the doubt.

 

Here's the deal.

First of all, if you are tired of me working thru this situation, YOU dont have to be a part of it. That is pretty simple and easy to figure out.

2nd of all, you dont know my state of mind. I share a PORTION of my feelings and emotions not my all of them.

3rd of all, there could be Someone else learning from this situation just like I have learned from other and vice versa.

 

The whole point is...IF MR SPOCK DOES NOT WANT TO DISCUSS THIS ANYMORE....THEN DONT.......But dont try to control me. Apparently there are others who want to talk about it or guess what? They would just not say anything. There are so many other post to reply to. NOBODY has a gun to your head saying...POST HERE or ELse.

 

GOT IT!!

[Mr Spock]

Took me a while to go back through your threads and see what I'd posted. I'm not quite sure where you picked up me being "tired" of your situation, as I simply don't read threads that I'm tired of.

 

Secondly, I also failed to find where I stated I knew the secret inner workings of your mind. I don't understand where you're getting this from, other than perhaps my post struck a chord inside you that you're not ready to acknowledge.

 

Thirdly, everybody learns by reading. I really don't understand what you're talking about. You need to explain what you mean, I'm slow.

 

 

Again, not quite sure where you're coming from with the "If Mr Spock doesn't want to discuss" thing. Or where the control thing is coming from. That's weird. It makes you sound weird.

 

 

My original post on this thread was prompted because I wanted to know HOW you were doing. You'd recently ended your relationship with your MM. And posted two, valid, seperate threads asking the same question. And it appears not getting the answer you wanted to hear. Forgive me for asking "HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY"

 

I'm still curious as to why you're putting so much time and energy into figuring out his relationship with his wife. What good does it do you now that the relationship is over?

 

I'm still not entirely sure where you're coming from.....you seem to be blaming me for something I haven't done. Am I now your scapegoat for all things that you don't want to hear?

 

 

I am positive that they have discussed the sex thing. He said they are working on it. Yeah I was curious because it does not make sense to me. I believe he will continue to cheat but will not leave her unless something happens that he cant handle anymore or something better comes along. She is the money maker in the family. She makes 3 times more money than him, she is the one who keeps everything together. Everything they have is basically because if her. I was just curious. He has said things like, he actually enjoyed talking to her as if to say he doesnt at times or something. He tried to leave her before but found out it would not really work for him. I think he stays for the lifestyle, not necessary because he loves her so much. I believe he loves her but if she wasnt holding him down and the lifestyle was not there...he would be gone. My opinion.

 

What I get from this is that you are still harbouring hope that something will happen to make him leave her.........if anything, it would be the end of YOUR relationship with him that would make his marriage unbearable enough to leave. Would you have been as pissed at me if I'd said "No, he doesn't TRULY love her just hold tight and all your dreams will come true?" or "Just wait, he'll come running?"

 

 

You're still very pissed at your MM for coming back into your life and rejecting you AGAIN.

 

And now you're here, in this thread.

 

 

Some of you may know already that I am no longer the ow. I am not with a mm anymore. It was a painful time but it is over now. I have gotten past it. So....now the question that comes to mind is...THE GOOD LIFE.

 

 

 

Obessing about the details of the relationship between your MM and his wife is not indicative of someone who's moved on Jvrose. You yell at me, but lie to yourself.

[fanou22]

Originally posted by Mr Spock

 

I'm still curious as to why you're putting so much time and energy into figuring out his relationship with his wife. What good does it do you now that the relationship is over?

 

 

For some of us, analyzing the relationship between MM and his W helps give a clearer about him. In other words, it leads to villifying the MM.

 

Once this is done, instead of regretting the lost "love" between the MM and the OW, the ending will be looked upon as "good riddance".

 

JVR's questions are simply her way of coping with it.

[Mr Spock]

That's why I asked her how she was doing.......

[9Lives]

Originally posted by fanou22

 

 

 

For some of us, analyzing the relationship between MM and his W helps give a clearer about him. In other words, it leads to villifying the MM.

 

Once this is done, instead of regretting the lost "love" between the MM and the OW, the ending will be looked upon as "good riddance".

 

JVR's questions are simply her way of coping with it.

 

 

THANK YOU FANOU,

 

What Mr Spock does not get that. She sees me analyzing it as a sign that I want the man back. He is a loser and I know it. My feelings just need time to catch up with my head. This board helps me get there. I have never been involved with a man who is like this so I wanted to understand his thinking, this type of marriage, the thoughts of men and women who understand it.

 

Mr Spock,

I am not trying to have him back in my life. But it takes time. It takes me getting out what I need to go forward. I spend ALOT of time with him. Therefore, it takes getting answers so I dont make the same mistake again. IT TAKES ALL OF THAT AND A LITTLE MORE SOMETIMES. I am not sitting at home waiting on his call. I am not trying to figure out ways for us to get back together. I am not going around trying to hold on to what we have.

HE HAS CONTACTED ME, I just left it alone. I dont want that life. What we had is very, very over. BUT......I do have questions....WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT?

 

Mr Spock,

If you were trying to convey concern about how I am doing? I did not feel that from you. I felt more sarcasm, impatience, and a attitude of "just get over it" from you. NOT CONCERN.

You dumped on me.

 

At the end of the day, I come here because I feel like I have the FREEDOM to let my guards down and ask questions that I need to understand. The FREEDOM to express all of my true feelings. What is GREAT is when people try to respectfully put you on the right track, try to help you understand what is happening in your life, and so on.

 

Maybe you can understand my anger towards you. If you dont, that is fine. I am telling you how I feel. FREEDOM is what we have here.

[Mr Spock]

Still fail to see where I "dumped" on you. If you read sarcasm in my post and are unsure of my intent simply ask me, as I did you.

 

I was concerned that you are falling into unhealthy obsession about their marriage-true it's part of healing-but you're VERY touchy about it.

 

 

Please note how I've refrained from calling you the fruitcake I think you are, even after you've insulted me several times. Is that not an indication of some kind that I am concerned about how you are feeling? And not out just to DUMP on you?

[9Lives]

Please note how I've refrained from calling you the fruitcake I think you are, even after you've insulted me several times. Is that not an indication of some kind that I am concerned about how you are feeling? And not out just to DUMP on you?

 

 

Whatever. You got me all wrong but think what you want. I am not crazy, possessed, depressed, or anything. I just wanted talk about it more. I thought you could do that here. ......I GUESS NOT. Cause if I do, I have a mental issue. I am somewhat not healing, or maybe I am falling into a hole of dispair, and not to mention...a FRUITCAKE!

.

Negative to all of that. I was just express my thoughts.

[KissMyTiara]

Jvjrose, hunny, I think you may have gotten wwaaaayyyyy too defensive here and just struck out like a Viper at Spock. She gives the same advice to everyone. She's been in your position before, and hun, she still is. She empathizes with you, and she's on here enough to be able to tell when someone's having a freak-out day and when someone's having a to-hell-with-it day. You seemed to be having a freak-out-and-super-analyze time, and she was just inquiring if that's what was going on. She's asked me the same thing, and ya know what? She was right.

 

Just calm down. Trust me, she's not dumping on you or attacking you...and in fact, if someone comes on here and truly does dump on and/or attack you, she's going to be of the first people to protect you.

[9Lives]

Thanks KissMyTiara,

 

Below is what Mr spock said

I'm NOT responding to your question JVrose-I'll leave that for those with bait and tackle-just curious what's motivating this and the other post-are you having a hard time today?

 

 

I did not like it. I was talking to the men.

 

 

Below is another response.

I'd like to point out that the more time you spend analyzing their stupid relationship the less time you'll be able to spend on constructing a fabulous one of your own. If it's over, let it go. Please don't give any thought to this, not while it's so fresh.

 

Of course it's the lifestyle and her. If those weren't existant you wouldn't BE on this forum. He stays because he does love her, or parts of her, just as he loves parts of you, he stays because leaving would be messy and hard and why would he leave if he's got you?

 

See how it works?

 

Again, It did not seem to be any concern there. She was like...just drop it.

Okay, the post said men only. Then if I wanted to drop it, I would. Just because I brought it up does not mean I havent.

 

I just felt like she was like....oh just forget about the it. When I am total ready then she will know. In the meantime I have questions.

[immoralist]

Men Only Please...Can a man REALLY love his w if he cheats all the time...11 yrs.

 

It depends. Some men, even serial adulterers, believe that they love their wives. Men compartmentalize well; and men who cheat compartmentalize very well.

 

Even if a man, after years of infidelity, no longer "loves" his wife, she's still a companion, the mother of his children and a source of stability and legitimacy. Also, it's very expensive in a financial, psychological and reputational sense to jettison a family--especially one with relatively young children.

 

Ironically, many MM would be more motivated to leave an unhappy marriage if the OW was not around to keep him stimulated and sexually and emotionally engaged. The OW frequently helps maintain a bad marriage because the MM has a huge happiness/sexual outlet in his OW. It's when the affair ends that many MM scramble for a replacement OW. Or, if none is found, judgment day can be postponed no longer and the shaky marriage is finally put out of its misery.

 

In a way, the OW performs a public service.

[9Lives]

I believe that. After spending lots of time thinking about it I came to that conclusion. Because after a ugly break up he tried to get back in with me last week and it was baffling to me. He goes back and forth so fast to me. I really believe what happen between us was he as seeking emotional and sexual satisfaction and I provided that for him because they were going thru alot of things within the marriage. When the marriage was going well, which is when I was with him, he would feel guilty, break it off, and try to move on from there. Then when it was going back to normal he would want to get back to me again. I really feel like he wants to stop cheating but it must be hard for him because of their relationship. He would tell me he loved talking to me and we talked all the time for hours and of course the sex was off the hook for us. But he wasnt trying to leave, he was trying to get fixed.

 

I see the picture really clear now and I understand it too. It helps me to move on. I know that this guy really did like me even though he was not as respect as he should have been. At the end of the day....It is all about him. It all makes sense how he loves her but cheats constantly. I guess those are sometimes the pro and cons of marriage.