natashahhh Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 i would love if i can get a guy's perspective on this. is there a reason why guys in general (not all of them but quite a few) are so bad at texting? my boyfriend is really bad at sending the first text message most of the time. sometimes i even wonder if we'll talk at all during the day if i was the one to put a stop on sending the first text message and because i don't want to find out, i'll cave in and text him first. but i'm getting tired of constantly putting myself out there moreso than he does. it sounds so silly getting worked up over texting and i don't want this to be our first fight because it sounds so juvenile. but to guys out there: is there a reason why some of you aren't good at texting first? are you distracted or would you rather put more energy into spending time with your girlfriends than texting? also let me make this clear: i don't expect my boyfriend to be glued to his phone at all. i, too, have times during the day where i'm busy and simply can't keep my eyes glued to my phone at all times. also, i have a tendency to want my space and do what it is i want without my phone in my hands. but it would be nice if the start of text messaging is a 50/50 deal. i don't want to be the first to text all the time because it gets to a point where i feel like i'm bothering him, being clingy and feeling ignored.
Barbarossa Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 I much prefer talking in person to texting. I can be thinking about a lady all day without getting the urge to text or call. I figure if she wants to text me she will. I would just talk to your man about how you feel...
BC1980 Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 You have taught him what to expect, which is you texting first. You have taught him to be lazy. This situation isn't specific to men. He's in the driver's seat, and you are insecure that he won't text you first. BTW, texting is a really sh*tty way to carry out an actual relationship. Please tell me that you actually talk to each other on the phone. Texting is lazier than emailing. Texting is pretty much as bad as it gets as a means to carry out a relationship. Make him actually work for you. My advice would be to see how long it takes him to text you. Then, I would answer with less than he gave you. It shouldn't take long to see if he will actually make an effort to pick up the phone and call. How often do you see each other in person?
Author natashahhh Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 either way, texting and talking on the phone isn't his forte and i knew this prior to becoming official with him. there have been a few days actually where i'll wait for him to be the first to text because i'm wanting to get that signal out there that i don't want to be the first to text all the time. but i suppose that's my fault because in the beginning of our relationship i took on the role of being the first to text him good morning so maybe i've been spoiling him too much? and to answer your last question: we see each other as much as our schedules allow which is anywhere from 3-4 days a week.
ChessPieceFace Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Women are far more communicative. It's an innate difference in the brain.
Phoe Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 I don't think most guys are bad at it, just SOME guys. More guys I know are pretty good about texting/calling a significant other. My boyfriend and I always exchange good morning and good night texts when we are not together, and often sends messages throughout the day to let me know he's thinking of me. He works 4 days a week out of state, so texting and skyping are very important to us. I do not like talking on the phone, but he still calls me anyway, and the conversation is usually punctuated with "What? Huh? I didn't hear that. What was that babe?" from me, because I can't hear on a phone to save my life. He knows to keep the phone calls to less than 5 minutes though. I can't handle more than that haha. 2
ascendotum Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 I'd say it's the other way around. In the vast majority of all relationships men initiate first contact no matter if it's texting or calling or whatever. Women are known for being passive and prefering the man to take the initiative. lol. so true, when the guy is single and looking for a girl, he is very keen on communicating. When he is in a relationship and getting his needs met, then there's less imperative for constant communication.
Fondue Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Many men (and women) don't feel the need for daily/constant communication. Me included. It isn't because we don't like you, it just isn't something we NEED. It doesn't mean we are "lazy." There are compatibility issues there, not issues with your man. Some people require more communication than others. Don't blame the person you're with, rather it's a problem with the two of you not needing the same thing in that particular aspect of a relationship. Which is totally fine. Having differences and preferences isn't terrible (and don't let others tell you that it's bad). You either A) just "deal with it," or B) find someone you're compatible with in that regard. 1
Conners Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 i would love if i can get a guy's perspective on this. is there a reason why guys in general (not all of them but quite a few) are so bad at texting? my boyfriend is really bad at sending the first text message most of the time. sometimes i even wonder if we'll talk at all during the day if i was the one to put a stop on sending the first text message and because i don't want to find out, i'll cave in and text him first. but i'm getting tired of constantly putting myself out there moreso than he does. it sounds so silly getting worked up over texting and i don't want this to be our first fight because it sounds so juvenile. but to guys out there: is there a reason why some of you aren't good at texting first? are you distracted or would you rather put more energy into spending time with your girlfriends than texting? also let me make this clear: i don't expect my boyfriend to be glued to his phone at all. i, too, have times during the day where i'm busy and simply can't keep my eyes glued to my phone at all times. also, i have a tendency to want my space and do what it is i want without my phone in my hands. but it would be nice if the start of text messaging is a 50/50 deal. i don't want to be the first to text all the time because it gets to a point where i feel like i'm bothering him, being clingy and feeling ignored. I used to feel the same way you did, I hate feeling clingy so if I was the last one to text, I would wait for my boyfriend (now ex) to initiate the next conversation. Sometimes it took up to 3 days for him to send me a damn message but I know if he hadn't heard from me he would eventually contact me if he gave a damn. If this is a problem for you, talk to him about it. I had a sad about it once and said I hated feeling clingy and it seemed like he didn't give a damn and he got a lot better and he was the one who was texting first most of the time. Just talk to him about it - if he cares he will consider your feelings and make a change. However we should all keep in mind that guys aren't like girls when it comes to texting. They don't over analyze everything
Recommended Posts