Popsicle Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 So, a brief back history, I was married up until October. My marriage ended because it was just a bad marriage. My ex-wife never found out about my affair with my best friend. My ex and I divorced and now are friends. My ex has even said that my best friend and I should be together if only she weren't married! Ha! My affair partner and I have been known each other for 7 years and have been in our present emotional and physical relationship for over two years now. Last year both her marriage and my own imploded on nearly the same day. Mine crashed and burned quick but she wanted to try and stay around for the kids in her marriage. Plus whatever her other reasons have been. She wanted to prove she tried marriage counseling and all that. Plus her family is very antidivorce. She wants to be with me and knows she will be one day. She wants to spend as much time with her kids until things just don't last any longer. My fear is that this could take years. She says it won't but she won't give me a timeline because she has before and when it came and went and nothing changed, I was devastated. I nearly ended it because of it. So, now I am waiting for her/us to get caught. I won't do anything to sabotage her marriage or out us. We meet weekly at my house for some intimate time. Otherwise we work together and sneak off in the afternoons on the rare time we can to just be together. Here is the thing, I'm still friends with her at work and her husband knows we have feelings for each other. She asked him once if she could have sex with both of us (separately) but he said no...lol. Go figure. She's told him she thinks I'm her soulmate and the other half of her. He has checked her phone records and seen we talk all the time. He has read texts that we've sent to each other saying we love each other. She convinced him it was just a weak moment and we don't feel that way anymore. So, now about her. She locks her phone but keeps plenty of incriminating texts and photos on it. She has a thumb drive in her purse full of emails, chats, pictures and stories we've written each other. She has, in their bedroom, a small chest full of cards I've given her (and not BFF cards either), she has hotel receipts and other tokens of love I've given her. She accidentally sent him an "I miss you" related pin on Pinterest that she meant to send to me. With all these things she does wrong or is careless about I just think it's a matter of time before we are caught. She only spends a little time out during the week where he doesn't know where she is, she's with me. He knows where I live. Wouldn't take a genius to put it all together... I don't want us to get caught just for her sake and her husband honestly. He's not a bad guy, she just doesn't love him like he wants her to. Getting caught won't affect me too much. My ex might get bent out of shape but I couldn't care less at this point. It would just be way harder on her and her family. I dunno. I just want to get our life started. We wanted to have a child together at some point but if it takes too many much time we may never have a child together. I think her husband is in denial. He would rather think she's cheating and staying with him than confronting the situation and losing her entirely. I just want it over with. I'm so tired of lying. So tired of missing her and being jealous all the time. I just wish he would go into her purse just once! Dang it! - GatsbyMH What a fascinating post. So how long will you wait?
Author GatsbyMH Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 What a fascinating post. So how long will you wait? I've given myself a tentative timeline to go by. I don't think it will take that long but two more years at most. Just today she told me she thinks Spring may be a time of transition for her. Things are getting very tense and awkward at home she says. She's very distant to him and just finds being with him intolerable. I'm not getting my hopes up and I'm telling her to take the time that she needs to do what she feels is best. If I pressure her to change things before she's ready then she may resent me for it later. So, I wait patiently. Honestly, I'd wait 50 years for her. She's the one.
Author GatsbyMH Posted January 26, 2014 Author Posted January 26, 2014 I think he should as well. If he and the AP were meant to be together they will be. At the same time, it is difficult to know you are more than likely ending it for good. As for dating other women while I wait for her. Not an option. I know it sounds selfish of her but she is the jealous type. She can't stand the idea of me being with another woman in any capacity beyond friendship. She has told me, grudgingly, that if I started dating someone she would come to me then and there. Wouldn't waste another minute. I could start dating to push her and I believe that she would come to me then but her leaving her marriage has to be her decision. I can't pressure her. Otherwise she may resent me one day for it.
rumbleseat Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Let me get this straight... She can't leave yet, as she has to pay down debt, "get her ducks in a row", or some other reason. It's impossible for her to end her m right now, and it's vital that she stay until these are done. Yet... She leaves a chest full of moments in her room where he could easily find them, she told him in a serious way that she wants to sleep with both of you, she had a jump drive full of incriminating data about the two of you. What next? A big flashing sign in their front yard that says " honey, I'm sleeping with Gatsby! ":rolleyes: If it is so important that he not find out, why is she being so careless? Why is she taking such risks? There are two reasons I can think of... One is that she is lying and that she is hiding the affair as much as she can. The second is that she is a dope and too silly to realize what she is doing. Personally, if I had to put money on it, I would say she is either full of cr@p or not a very nice woman ( or both). Any way you slice it, there is something off. You say her h is a nice guy, yet you are okay with her treating him like cr@p? What does the fact that she can (according to her own words) treat him like that tell you about her? Makes her sound like a woman who is capable of being very cruel " oh honey, I love you but I want to sleep with Gatsby and you both".? Seriously, what kind of a woman would say something like that to her h yet say she doesn't want to be caught cheating? What kind of woman would say it at all? I can understand someone discussing a desire for an open relationship, but to say they have someone specific in mind is a horse of a different color. The other option is that she is full of cr@p, and that most of the things she is saying aren't the truth. She is staying because she wants to, and if it's so vital for her kids and for getting things ready for her new life with you that her secret is kept under lock and key, why is she so careless? Of course, she wants to get caught because she look verses you. That doesn't match with part a of her story. Seems like her husband isn't the only one with his proverbial her in the sand ( or up somewhere else). You are no better at "taking control" than her h. A least he has the excuse of being married so he has to put up with her nonsense. What is your excuse? Now I expect that everything I say will be disputed and disregarded because I am a former bs, but that doesn't mean I can't see what is hiding in plain sight. How do you know she has never lied to you? I mean really, how would you know? Because she told you so? Because you "verified" everything she said? Because she told you things before your started sleeping together? I wonder if her h would have a very different tale to tell about her version of "the truth" ?
blackgnat Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Honestly, she sounds like a complete drama queen to me. Why the HECK does she have all this incriminating evidence in places where it could be discovered ? Does she WANT to be caught and then say it's not really her fault because H just found it? To me it is FUNDAMENTAL that any evidence of an A is deleted, destroyed, put in a strong box with an iron clad password, etc. I don't think she has the right to be jealous of the idea of you dating if she is living with and having sex with her husband! They ALWAYS tell you the sex is rubbish. Maybe she does lie there and let him have his 5 minutes of "fun" but it would be more appropriate for her to move out of the bedroom and not have sexual contact with him if she is truly wanting to end her marriage in the future. Classic cake eater.
Quiet Storm Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 (edited) She said she settled and had doubts about him on her wedding day. He is just a kid in a mans body that has no real "alpha" in him. She asks him to be rough with her, he giggles and says that he doesn't know how. She wants a strong man who knows how to control her when she wants to be controlled. Expect her to do the same to you, along with telling the new guy how beta you were to wait for her and believing her lies. You are not alpha and she knows this. Alphas don't share their women. Alphas would never put up with this bullsht. She is the only one in control here. Edited January 26, 2014 by Quiet Storm
rumbleseat Posted January 26, 2014 Posted January 26, 2014 Expect her to do the same to you, along with telling the new guy how beta you were to wait for her and believing her lies. You are not alpha and she knows this. Alphas don't share their women. Alphas would never put up with this bullsht. She is the only one in control here. Another example of how her story doesn't jive. She says he is "beta" and one of her stories is that they have sex twice a month and it lasts five minutes, just long enough for him to have his fun. That doesn't sound like any "beta" guy I've ever heard of. It sounds selfish and arrogant. For most "beta" guys, a big part of sex is making their partner happy. That doesn't fit with what she says. I know it's hard to be objective, but try looking at the situation from a more objective angle. Find the parts that don't fit and use your best judgement to figure out what is going on.
Aspasia33 Posted February 5, 2014 Posted February 5, 2014 I have a jewellery wrack full of beautiful baubles mm has given me,a draw full of cards ( not signed) my bathroom full of products he's bought for me.and the CDs of music he composed and played for me. He has the shirts I've bought him, the scarves I've knitted him, my love letters to him at his office, and also the gifts I've given his children anomouely. None of this is traceable or trying to be caught. And I am very jealous of my mm, have told him it's a deal breaker for me if he has sex with his wife. I know there's no way of me knowing.. But I can always tell when he disemkes. Honestly, she sounds like a complete drama queen to me. Why the HECK does she have all this incriminating evidence in places where it could be discovered ? Does she WANT to be caught and then say it's not really her fault because H just found it? To me it is FUNDAMENTAL that any evidence of an A is deleted, destroyed, put in a strong box with an iron clad password, etc. I don't think she has the right to be jealous of the idea of you dating if she is living with and having sex with her husband! They ALWAYS tell you the sex is rubbish. Maybe she does lie there and let him have his 5 minutes of "fun" but it would be more appropriate for her to move out of the bedroom and not have sexual contact with him if she is truly wanting to end her marriage in the future. Classic cake eater.
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