greeneyedirishgirl Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 (edited) I met my boyfriend online last June. He's in England, is 10 years older than I am, and I'm in the United States. When we first started, we couldn't get enough of one another, talking on Facebook Messenger all of the time, even late at night, photos flying back and forth. He gave me a beautiful birthday in December, lovely card, gift, the works. We still talk daily, but now he gives me 30 minutes on the phone (I use Google Voice so it's way cheap), and says he'll see me on Facebook later, but he never shows up again. I have tried telling him that 30 minutes a day isn't the greatest, as I miss our conversations when we'd spend a couple of hours together talking online. I feel like he's losing interest in me, and when I've communicated this thought to him, he tells me that I'm a silly git and to stop thinking too much. However, this is how it goes. I get 30 minutes on the phone with him, until a program comes on TV that he wants to see. He actually just left a conversation one day when Frasier came on. I mean, really? I feel like that bloody television is more important than I am. The last time I brought up how I felt, he told me to stop thinking too much or I was going to create a problem. When we do talk, he goes on about being an old man, about how difficult he is to live with, how he likes to be alone, etc etc ad nauseum. He cares for his mother who lives with him, and I think that's really sweet, but my god. The television? He went from telling me he loved me three months in to not saying anything at all. He doesn't even tell me I'm pretty anymore, and he used to say that all of the time. He wanted me to fly over, and I was about to buy the ticket, and then he canceled the trip because he decided I didn't have enough money. (I did have enough money, and I was supposed to stay with him and his mom while I was there). Then he said maybe I could come see him in a couple of years when my car payments will be completed and his reasoning was that I'd have more money to come over. I have had weight issues, but I have lost 84 pounds in the last seven months, so I don't know whether he canceled the trip to see if I'd lose weight, or what, and now that I actually look really great, he NEVER tells me I'm pretty, never says a word about photos I send him. He actually inspired me to lose the weight early on because he was always telling me I was beautiful and worth his time, and even after he saw the pictures he still told me those things and made me believe in myself for the first time in God knows when. Then boom he canceled my trip--which was supposed to happen in June 2014. I thought when I lost the weight things would be even better, but it seems like it was better when I was fat. I am literally banging my head against a wall. Nobody likes you when you're fat, but the minute you get thin, they don't like you either. I wanted to lose the weight anyway but he gave me that inspirational push and I'm glad to have lost it, but I wish it was seven months ago again when he was excited about me and talked about marrying me and made a video of where we would be married. Thats another thing we don't talk about anymore either. I know what this all sounds like, and believe me, I'm seriously considering that our relationship might be over, but he doesn't want to break up with me, he told me the ONE time he was grudgingly willing to talk about our new 30 minute time limit that me he feels the same way about me that I do him, and that I'm being basically an idiot (that's what git means, after all). He leaves me a Facebook message every day but the messages are short, stuff like "hi babe have a nice day," and when I respond it's "let's talk on the phone" and I get 30 minutes and he goes to watch TV and says he'll see me online later and never comes back. What the HELL is going on with him? Should I go AWOL for a few days? Edited January 14, 2014 by greeneyedirishgirl
Eivuwan Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Stop waiting for him to break up with you. Figure out what your limits are and have the courage to break up with him for your own good. You can try having a talk with him, but I don't think this relationship is going anywhere. 2
mammasita Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 I don't think you should go AWOL for a few days, I think you should go AWOL forever. Stop putting your time and energy into this man who clearly thinks television......and who knows what else.......is more important than you. Not to mention, I'm skeptical about these types of things. Have you ever video chatted with this man? Who's to say he is who he says he is. Did he really even purchase a ticket or is he blowing smoke up your a55 and then "cancelling" it for various reasons he's pulling out of his rear end....... I smell a rat. On to the next. 2
Author greeneyedirishgirl Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 No, I was going to purchase my ticket, and he unilaterally decided I shouldnt come. He cant go anywhere because he takes care of his mum. He's sent me photos and his brother and sister chat with me and send me photos of him too at family events.
mammasita Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 No, I was going to purchase my ticket, and he unilaterally decided I shouldnt come. He cant go anywhere because he takes care of his mum. He's sent me photos and his brother and sister chat with me and send me photos of him too at family events. Why can't he video chat? 2
Author greeneyedirishgirl Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 He claims the camera on his old laptop doesnt work. He did talk about getting an iPhone but he doesnt work, claims he was made redundant and hasnt had a job in 3 years. I just need to break up with him. Screw it. Thanks for your input--it really does help. I can see that if I have to ask I already know the answer. 1
CarrieT Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 I smell Catfish... OP, he probably isn't real and that is why he cancelled the trip. He may be married or something, but he isn't a real boyfriend at all. Now that you've lost the weight (You Go, Girl!), get out there and meet REAL guys in your own 'hood. 1
mammasita Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 I smell Catfish... OP, he probably isn't real and that is why he cancelled the trip. He may be married or something, but he isn't a real boyfriend at all. Now that you've lost the weight (You Go, Girl!), get out there and meet REAL guys in your own 'hood. Ditto. Always an excuse. Find someone local! You got this
Author greeneyedirishgirl Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 (edited) LOL I live in the middle of nowhere so no "hood" to meet anyone, so now that I've got a new body, maybe I should get a new job back in civilization. Edited January 14, 2014 by greeneyedirishgirl 1
soccerrprp Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 LOL I live in the middle of nowhere so no "hood" to meet anyone, so now that I've got a new body, maybe I should get a new job back in civilization. That can only help, right? Good luck!
nomadic_butterfly Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 He's full of shat. Honestly. Beware of LDR in which you never even met the person in real life. Beware of the cancelled trips. You'd of thought HE was paying for it! That's ridiculous. He would of helped you pay for half, you know A SOLUTION instead of waiting a couple years. Unless he's super religious, no way he's putting off his needs for "a couple years" while he waits dutifully for his Juliet to arrive. I think he was bored and you were his past time. Not sure if you guys met in real life but after experiencing some BS with the whole online long distance thing, if you cannot meet within 3 months, 6 months tops in VERY EXTREME situations it is absolutely not worth the gamble. The only way someone can prove they are serious is by walking the walk and taking initiative to meet up in real life. When the excuses pour in, it's time to exit. Anyone that waited long amounts of time and put their life on hold for someone only to have it work out are the exception and not the rule; your "relationship" doesn't seem to have that kind of tone with his inattentiveness. And even LOCAL PEOPLE are required to Skype or Facetime with me before I meet them. I am sorry. The only exception is when someone wants to meet rather quickly b/c the more they have to hide, the longer they want to drag out the meet up. He does sound like he's married and it's easy to take pictures without a wife in it! Maybe his sole purpose in your life was to be the motivation for the weight loss. Now that you are hot stuff and feeling more confident, go out there and mingle with real men in real life!! You deserve it!
Els Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 He does not need an iPhone to video chat... a $30 webcam can be purchased for that purpose.
justwhoiam Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 He could buy one on Amazon UK for £2.89 ($4.74). But I guess he already has one...
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