j_nelson Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 Alright....I am kind of in the same situation as gottabestrong...if you could take a few seconds to read this and let me know what you think it would be greatly appreciated... Was with girl for 5 years...broke up (she broke up with me) at the end of last school year...after a few weeks I really wanted her back........throughout the summer we got together i.e. she invited me to stay with her at her Dad's place for a few days, she would come visit etc.....on numerous occassions I mentioned getting back together etc. and she said she wasn't ready/didn't want a long distance relationship anymore.... So...after 10 days of no contact (and right before I came back to school) she calls me telling me she knows what she wants, she was sorry etc.....she even said she wanted to fly out and visit me....i told her that we could talk about things later in the week when i got back to school and to call me....didnt hear from her for 2 weeks.... Anyway, she ended up coming out to visit me....and I went to visit her....we were 'intimate' every time we saw each other...she has made comments about missing me etc. and has cried during sex.......after these visits I asked her what the deal was....she still told me she wasn't ready etc.... Over the Christmas break we saw each other a few times...the last time we saw each other we had a great time and I ended up back at her place for the night.....I told her how I felt about her, how I wanted to work things out etc.....again she told me she is not ready and for the first time 'doesn't feel the same about me'....that really got my attention... so, since then (a week ago) I have made every effort to not contact her.....however, this is what gets me....she tells me she doesn't want to be with me but constantly msgs me, or calls at weird hours of the night for no apparent reason....last friday she called me at 2:30 am to tell me about her day etc.... Although I have told her in the past I am not the type of guy that wants a friendship with her, I suppose my actions have shown otherwise....and although shes told me she doesn't feel the same, her actions kinda show otherwise too....there is a lot of game playing going on here and I'm not down with it anymore. The problem is, I don't know what to do when she writes me, calls me etc....when she called me I carried on a conversation with her and eventually let her go.....and now, since i havent initiated any contact with her for a week she has started messaging me a lot....weird things too...excuses to msg me really... I really do love this girl and I want to be with her but she has to get her sh*t together...what do you do in a case like this? I am really tempted to respond to her messages but I don't want her to think I am trying to be friends.....and I don't want to mess up the NC I have started...what should I do if I really want her back?
uriel Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 If you haven't already explained the NC, then write her a short, unemotional note saying that you prefer NC because you don't want to be just her friend. If she ever changes her mind about the bf thing, she should get back in touch to see if you're free. You'll always care about her. If you have already explained the NC, then honor it until she messages / writes with an offer you don't want to refuse. -- uriel
mixwell Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 I would have to agree with uriel.. I dont think I would tell her that you are going to NC. I would just do it. Make her at least wonder why you aren't calling her. I think by telling her, its not as powerful as it would be if you just didn't call.. Other than that NC is the way to go. Sounds like she wants you back already though !! Just be a little too busy for her for a little bit with the NC.. If she calls be like im kinda busy right now... Then I think she will be caught hook, line and sinker. I dont know.. Make her really try hard to get you back so that she knows she almost lost you. Peace
strange love Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 Look let me explain a few things about women and human nature in general When a woman is calling u alot and she says to u oh no I dont want a relationship hmm ok well, usually they mean the reverse. One question im going to put out to you is something I feel noone on here will fess up to and thats what did you do that caused the break up.. If you have not yet taken time to analyze any actions you took that caused problems and made an effort to deal with them well expect the same problems again.... Look I had this one girl give me the im not into u line as well.. she constantly called me and wanted to hang out. She was always fishing to see if i was seeing someone else. Thatone i kinda messed up cause i played games a bit too much But there was another who basically called me or visited me every day.. until one day after many times of saying to me I dont want a relationship I just told her listen I have to tell you something.. and well after our chat we got together... something is stopping her from doing so with you.. Im just trying to think what would make her force her hand.. hmm NC is great I guess but see if she is contacting u it kinda defeats the purpose which is to have her contact u Why not say to her this..look " insert name here" I really like hearing from you but I have been doing alot of soul searching and Im not looking for a relationship right now, im considering sullibacy etc etc.. im really into my work right now... she will probably say eitehr why ae u saying this or.. something along those lines and u can say well I just dont want you to get the wrong idea.. see how that works she will probably be thrown for a loop sure take her call once in a while maybe once a week or something i dunno ..write back sorry busy with work etc.. Heres a few tell tale signs that they are into u 1. asks if u are dating 2. calls alot emails alot 3. signs of jealousy if u mention another female..oh ya trying dropiing hints that u might be dating.. if she starts telling u about some guy just say he sounds great I think u will be happy together I hope it works out for u .. then if she adds oh uh he is just a friend..tah dah I mean its ok to talk to your ex.. as long as she is calling u.. and be super nice and charming and make sure u take an interest ie how are u how was your day complimentive etc ... but keep it somewhat short huh.. ok there u go try that and report back
hugznkisses21 Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 she is enjoying watching u chase he and beg..... get busy, and let her come to you.....dont always be availble to talk or call her back
Author j_nelson Posted January 11, 2005 Author Posted January 11, 2005 Uriel: I have told her I wanted NC in the past but always gave in...I'm afraid if I tell her about NC she won't think I am serious....this time I think I should not say anything and just show her... Mixwell & hugznkisses: I am starting to pull away now...I feel kinda bad when I get a msg from her (msn) and don't write back though....maybe I should block her? Strange Love: I basically caused the break up by being a dick. We had a long distance relationship for the last year and a half we were together and I wasn't being very mature. I guess I kind of lost interest in her and wanted to start seeing what else was out there.... During all of this we were constantly fighting and she finally gave up. She said she wasn't happy in the relationship anymore and ended it. At the time I was okay with it. After a month or two to think about things I realized that I screwed up and wanted to be back with her... I have asked her before (few months ago) what was stopping her from being with me and she said she hated long distance and she would never do it again. I will be in the same city as her next year....in 3/4 months actually.. So you think I should try and play it off like I don't want to be in a relationship with her anymore? That's a possibility...I wonder what her reaction would be to that.. I know she's still into me because she calls me every week or so, msgs me, asks to see me, sleeps with me, gets really jealous etc.....thing is, I don't want this anymore...it has to be one way or the other..
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