Matt4994 Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 (edited) So I just joined this after noon because I have been having a really really tough time with this break up and after reading some of the posts on here I figured I would get some more great words of wisdom from other members; especially since I feel like I have annoyed my friends and family enough with the situation. (So this ended up being very long but it made me feel better). So were to begin. A girl I thought I would have never really been into on day one became the girl I wanted to spend my life with and is now gone. We both meet right before the summer of our senior year in college. Hung out a bit after that at graduation parties and such and ended up dating not to long after. Well she went away to school and I stayed local because I attended a local school so I could continue to work and pay as I earned my degree instead of getting myself into debt. We had very minor issues with the LDR but pulled through it everytime. I would go down to visit at least once a month and spend a long weekend and skype helped as well. Year three we ended up moving in together for the summer because I was done with school at this point and had attended a 16 week training program for work. It was awesome and we loved being together but when her school started back up she decided to study a semester abroad in Africa and it devastated us both being apart for so long but we still communicated as often as we could. Then when she got back she had one semester left and we continued on with the LDR. After graduation she started taking on different internships and jobs here and there trying to figure out what she really wanted to do in life. One in Maine, which I traveled to visit, one on Maratha's vineyard, which again I traveled to visit on several occasions, and then ended up in a position she hated in NYC which was only a 2.5 hr drive. So for about 2 years I was going in and out of the city on weekends to spend time with her and again we had some fights but nothing major. In that 2 years she did end up switching career paths and found a job she loved but felt like she could not continue the LDR any further. It was just to painful to have to suffer every Monday without each others company. At this point I had finished my 2nd associates degree and was working on my bachelors online while working about 50hrs a week and kind of hated my job so we decided at the beginning of 2013 to move in together again outside of the city in NJ so I could get work in my field and she could commute to the city by train. We moved into a place in February but I still hadn't found a job so in order to pay the bills I kept my job 110 miles away and came to our new place Friday after work and would come back into work Monday morning. Finally in March I found a great opportunity that pretty much moved me in the direction I have been trying to go with my degrees and accepted the job. Only thing was it was 90 miles away so from March until November I commuted 180 miles a day leaving at 6am and getting home around 7:30pm. She also had about an hour or so train ride to her job in the city and Mondays and Wednesdays had classes at night meaning she wouldn't get home until 10:30pm and have to get up at 5am to go back to work the next day. The travel killed us though. It made us both stressed out and we barely saw each other anyway. Several times over this 11 month period she had expressed concern about being stressed and miserable and I agreed but we never really talked about solving the problem. I always just kind of thought of it as normal. Then right before Halloween she said she couldn't stay with me and was going to spend time at a friends house. After a night of tears she never left and we went on our way until two weeks later, she decided she needed the time apart. So I didn't fight it again because she was so emotionally hurt and exhausted I knew she needed it. I went camping the weekend after with my family, which we had planned months prior, and when I came back she told me it was over and she couldn't live with me anymore. We didn't talk about how to go about the separation or anything as we were both just to emotional and she just kept giving me the I really love you but just not the same as before. So I drove her to the train station the next day and she took a suitcase with enough stuff for a while to her friends in the city. We had a dog together so I had stayed in our place because I needed to come home and take care of the dog but it was so painful to go back to an empty home and see the dog stressed out because she wasn't there. We finally talked about a week later and she wanted to come see me to discuss things. She came over and we talked and then cried because we didn't want this to happen to us. Then the next day she was unsure about leaving but had to go into the city to work. She went into the city and I tried to see if she was coming back that night but she didn't and then 2 days later told me she wasn't coming back again. To make it short we talked a bit and I went and saw her once more and we walked around the city for a while talking about our week prior but were both sure this needed to happen. I ended up moving all my stuff out the weekend before thanksgiving and she moved out the day after me so we wouldn't see each other (she took the dog). We were talking at this point trying to make each other feel better and during the move she called me and cried about how she didn't want this to happen and how hard it was without me helping with the move (I must have moved her 100 times between school and everything else). She even got upset over my relationship status change to single. We then talked everyonce and a while and cried to eachother about how we wish this would work but the LDR just couldn't happen again. Over thanksgiving weekend we both went back to our parents which is really close to each other and ended up going to the movies and hiking and spending two days together like nothing had happened. We were so happy to be together. Then we continued to talk after that and about 2 weeks later she said we could no longer talk as often because she felt as though we were still together (even though we talked about it over thanksgiving and how we would end up getting married and such). So I agreed to not contact her at all and leave it up to her to reach me. I was not great but surviving with everything until Christmas came around and she wasn't. It was very tough to go through. So Christmas day I left my parents house to go back home and stopped at her parents to drop off some of her things I still had and give her parents Christmas gifts I had bought before the breakup occurred (I shop really early for Christmas!). Now I did not expect her to be there because she had told me she had no vacation time for Christmas other than Christmas day and would not be coming home so I figured her family would have been in NY with her for the holiday and I could just drop the stuff and go. Well they were there as was she. I just handed over the stuff and was going to leave when she came over to me and hugged and kissed me. We then talked about the past couple weeks since we hadn't spoken and I left about an hour later. About an hour into my drive she called me to thank me for stopping by and bringing her parents gifts. Then the next day she texted me some stuff and then I didn't here from her again until last Monday. Before she had called me on Monday though I had called her mother (her family was seriously my second family, I spent more time there then with my family the past few years) to talk about how much I missed her and she told me that we just need time apart... So that night her mom emails me to tell me that when she got off the phone with me she had gotten a call from her daughter about how she missed me but didn't mention I ever called to her as to not upset her more. She wanted to let me know that she was hurting too and mentioned a few ways to get over the pain. Well this made me crazy because if she still is thinking about me why are we doing this to each other. So back to Monday, she calls me and we talk for about an hour again like nothing ever happened. No emotional stuff or anything because we want to try to be friends. Next day I was fine and then Wednesday I was really hurting and each day got worse and worse. I have literally been a mess since Christmas and was only OK the day after she called. I haven't been able to sleep past 3am because I have some sort of dream about her and then can't fall back asleep. The other night I meet her new boyfriend, it was the worst. I also really miss my dog. Here is what my dilemma is. We literally did everything together all the time. Traveling, hiking, watching new tv shows, literally everything so anytime I try to do something it reminds me of her. We previously traveled the whole country (11000 miles) in 37 days camping everywhere we went and had a blast so we had planned to hike the Appalachian Trail next year before all this happened. When she said she was leaving it was because I was making her miserable because I was miserable and taking it out on her at times. I told her I we were just miserable because of the commute and the previous LDR but after I moved out and found a place a mile from work I started running again with the goal to do a half marathon in March and a full marathon in November. I also started taking classes at the gym and also yoga classes because they always made me feel good in the past. Well one day after a yoga class during the final savasana pose for the first time in forever I was actually able to clear my mind and "melt" into the floor. I honestly cannot tell you the last time my mind became completely clear. It was incredible, and it made me feel so good about the person I am right now. No one would ever tell you I looked fat, 5'10'' 195lbs, but after losing 22lbs in 2 months I realized that why I was so miserable was because I lost control of myself. I was letting myself slip away and was uncomfortable with who I was. I didn't even want to go out and meet new people in our new area when we moved in but now I am meeting new people everyday. I am truly the happiest I have been since high school with myself as a person and I just accepted a promotion in my job that leads to another in about a year but I can't help but wanting to call and prove to her that I figured it all out and I changed and we can be happy together again. And I keep telling myself just get over it, she left you and is putting you through all of this and then I start thinking about how to get her back again. I just cannot stop thinking about it. I literally broke down sitting here at work yesterday a few minutes before the Vice President of my department walked in to ask me for help on a project. The reason I'm on here is because I was starting to break down again sitting here at work. Thankfully writing this all out has helped so much. And there is so much advice on the internet that says just go NC for 30 days and then meet up and see what happens which keeps running through my head thinking we will get back together at that point when we see each other and she sees what I have done to change and I know I am setting myself up for disappointment. I've also cut my Facebook time down incredibly to help. I was checking it like every 10 minutes but have not touched it for 24 hr periods for the last week. It has helped a bit but everyday I feel like I am falling in love with her more instead of not wanting her around more. Even as I write this stuff I feel as though it isn't real and then it hits me that it is. I am heading home for a holiday party at my old job this weekend and I am thinking I might go over to her parents and tell them how I feel and that awaiting her to call me and trying to still be friends at this point is just too much with the way I feel about her. I was going to let them know that I will not be contacting them for a while and to only call me if something like a death or hospitalization happens and that I do not want to be friends with her at this point and then call her and meet up at some point to say my finally goodbye and just delete her from my Facebook account and everything else. It will be hard though when every picture I have for the past 8 years includes her and a bunch of stuff I own is stuff she bought me and a lot of the friends are mainly her friends and I won't talk to them probably ever again. Edited January 14, 2014 by Matt4994
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