inventorj Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Not to make this too long.. but I was dating this girl for just about a year when I decided to end things for the time being as we had some issues of maturity and self-development to work on (or so I thought). At first, she was against the whole thing and reacted badly but after talking to her and pretty much telling her that I still had feelings for her but I think we needed time to grow, and that if things were meant to be, I would hope that we could get back together as two better people. At first this seemed to go fine.. we even kept in touch here or there for about 2 weeks. We are both part of a very small social group so it was difficult to avoid her. Things seemed fine, and then one weekend, my close friend was visiting from school for the weekend, and that same weekend, she flipped on me. She became a complete jerk and ignored me in every social setting we were in when just a week before we were cordial and even still kind of flirty (clearly we were still interested). Anyway, one week later, talking to my friend who was visiting, I found out from him that she told him that me and her really weren't that serious and she wanted to start a relationship with him. Some back story, this guys has been in love with her for over 2 years now (before even I came into the picture) but she never was interested... until now. 2-3 weeks after we broke up, she made a move on one of my closest friends... and I'm in complete disbelief. She hasn't talked to me since, provided an explanation, or anything. Advice? Interpretations? What is going on?
CelticGibson Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 What's going on? What's going on is that you broke up with her. It doesn't matter what you think the terms of the break up were or that it was for the time being until you both developed maturely or what not, once you pulled the plug, the water went down the drain for you. What she does is her business now and not yours. It's not like your friend is off limits now is he? She can date who she likes and she's doing just that. I would start ridding yourself of this disbelief if I were you and start accepting reality. She's moved on because you let her go... 5
David87 Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Not to make this too long.. but I was dating this girl for just about a year when I decided to end things for the time being as we had some issues of maturity and self-development to work on (or so I thought). At first, she was against the whole thing and reacted badly but after talking to her and pretty much telling her that I still had feelings for her but I think we needed time to grow, and that if things were meant to be, I would hope that we could get back together as two better people. At first this seemed to go fine.. we even kept in touch here or there for about 2 weeks. We are both part of a very small social group so it was difficult to avoid her. Things seemed fine, and then one weekend, my close friend was visiting from school for the weekend, and that same weekend, she flipped on me. She became a complete jerk and ignored me in every social setting we were in when just a week before we were cordial and even still kind of flirty (clearly we were still interested). Anyway, one week later, talking to my friend who was visiting, I found out from him that she told him that me and her really weren't that serious and she wanted to start a relationship with him. Some back story, this guys has been in love with her for over 2 years now (before even I came into the picture) but she never was interested... until now. 2-3 weeks after we broke up, she made a move on one of my closest friends... and I'm in complete disbelief. She hasn't talked to me since, provided an explanation, or anything. Advice? Interpretations? What is going on? The same thing happened to me in 2012, my best friend slept with my girlfriend. She broke up with me to be with him. After all this time I forgave her but not him. My advice to you is to cut them off, don't ever speak to them, your dignity it's all you have now. Hold on to it and start building your life again.
mantlefan Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 The same thing happened to me in 2012, my best friend slept with my girlfriend. She broke up with me to be with him. After all this time I forgave her but not him. My advice to you is to cut them off, don't ever speak to them, your dignity it's all you have now. Hold on to it and start building your life again. Yeah, I had a similar situation. No physical cheating as far as I know, but I can forgive my ex a lot easier than I can forgive my friend. I think even if you want to be friends with the guy anymore, you need to take a LONG break from each other.
David87 Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Yeah, I had a similar situation. No physical cheating as far as I know, but I can forgive my ex a lot easier than I can forgive my friend. I think even if you want to be friends with the guy anymore, you need to take a LONG break from each other. I will never be friends with that guy ever again. Even now if we corss paths I might do something stupid. I genuinely hate him.
Author inventorj Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 Can anybody provide some insight into her actions? What they mean? Are these genuine feelings? Is this an obvious rebound relationship?
mantlefan Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 I will never be friends with that guy ever again. Even now if we corss paths I might do something stupid. I genuinely hate him. I can understand why my ex didn't tell me about it, she is scared to death of anyone thinking she is a bad person. This guy though, he sat there and listened to me vent about her and about how much I wanted to be with her and how many things I now realize I could have done better. I was basically giving him great tips on how to be good to her. He just sat there and capitalized on my hindsight. The point is OP, I really think you need a break from both these people, for a good long while. I am in the same boat with a small group of friends. But it's really for the best for you to not have to see any of that action.
mantlefan Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Can anybody provide some insight into her actions? What they mean? Are these genuine feelings? Is this an obvious rebound relationship? I don't think it matters. If you act according to the idea that it is, you will be devastated if it is serious. If you act like it is serious and it turns out to be a rebound, you might act irresponsibly if she runs back to you. You need to act as though she and you are over forvever. This means as little contact as possible, and any you do have is polite, cold, and short. As for the friend, stop all contact with him. If he pesters you for why you aren't talking to him, tell him that you think it's best you two don't communicate.
Chi townD Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Okay, so your friend came to you and pretty much told you that she made a move on him. What happened with that? Did he shoot her down and came to you with this information or is he informing you that those two are a "thing" now. A little confused and what your friend did.
Author inventorj Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 IDK, man you denied her emotionally she filled that gap somewhere else. I feel bad for you but what did you expect when you broke up with her? Did you want her to just chase you until the end of eternity when you clearly don't deserve it? The story is actually a little deeper than it seems. The girl is pretty young, still in college, and her close friends and older mentors were not supportive of the relationships because of her readiness to be in one. I didn't like that the people we were asking for advice around the relationship were not supportive because they did not think we were ready to be dating. I broke it off not because I didn't have feelings for her but because I really thought that was what was best for her and me if we ever wanted to make things work in the long run.
Author inventorj Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 Okay, so your friend came to you and pretty much told you that she made a move on him. What happened with that? Did he shoot her down and came to you with this information or is he informing you that those two are a "thing" now. A little confused and what your friend did. it's not being public .. but i can pick up clues that they are at least entertaining the idea of pursuing a relationship/in the beginning of one
Mrlonelyone Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 I once in a point of weakness brought on by lack of sleep, alcohol, and marijuana had sex with my best friends girlfriend. They too had been dating for a year. They too were very young. Afterwards I felt terrible. She wanted to do it again and I told her, I wouldn't because her boyfriend was my best friend and that wasn't right. So instead of getting back with him she broke up with him and called me up. She said "He's not my boyfriend anymore so lets do it." I was shocked, and taken aback. I refused. There are times when in hindsight I think I should've just done it. I have not seen her, or that friend in many years in the end anyway... My point is your friend probably feels awful about this on some level but is being controlled by his lower head.... Now as for your girlfriend. I think she was just looking for the most childish immature way she could possibly hurt your feelings . In which case is she really the kind of person you would want back in your life right now?
Chi townD Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 it's not being public .. but i can pick up clues that they are at least entertaining the idea of pursuing a relationship/in the beginning of one Okay, that's still being vague as hell. Is your friend telling you Bro's before Hoe's or is he being a Buddy F*cker.
David87 Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 it's not being public .. but i can pick up clues that they are at least entertaining the idea of pursuing a relationship/in the beginning of one Trust me it will be public soon.
Author inventorj Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 Okay, that's still being vague as hell. Is your friend telling you Bro's before Hoe's or is he being a Buddy F*cker. our friendship has fallen apart.. it is clear he is pursuing her over keeping my friendship
mantlefan Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Trust me it will be public soon. Yup. And when you find out, do your best not to react outwardly at all. Come on here and vent your guts out. Do your best to act like you don't even care, like someone just told you what the weather report for the north pole is.
Chi townD Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 our friendship has fallen apart.. it is clear he is pursuing her over keeping my friendship OH CHRIST ON A BIKE!!!! Okay, when did the friendship fall apart? Before or after he approached you about this? If it was before, did he do this to rub your face in it? Was he smug about it? Was he just asking if you would be okay with it? And THAT'S when it started to fall apart? When did everything go sour between the two of you? When he went off to school? You know what? F*ck it, here's a profile I can glean from these one sentence answers. She was hurt by you breaking up with her and guess what! She hit the anger stage. She knows that you are in a very small tight knit group. Well, hell has no fury as a woman scorned. She KNOWS that this douche rocket has had the hots for her for two years (but she chose you over him)and he happened to come back into town when she hit her anger stage. So, she's going to get with this guy to make you hurt, to watch you squirm, hopefully to watch you go insane with jealousy and see you cry. SO, here's what you need to do. DON'T! You need to dislodge yourself from these friends. You need to find new interests and find new friends. Don't be around them, block both of them off of facebook. Hell, you might have to do the whole group. She can't hurt you if you can't see it. And once she realizes that you aren't watching and have moved on, I GUARANTEE you she's going to drop this guy that she's using for her revenge, because it's serving no purpose. It may be in a few weeks to even a few months, but she'll drop him and hopefully by then you'll have moved on.
Author inventorj Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 OH CHRIST ON A BIKE!!!! Okay, when did the friendship fall apart? Before or after he approached you about this? If it was before, did he do this to rub your face in it? Was he smug about it? Was he just asking if you would be okay with it? And THAT'S when it started to fall apart? When did everything go sour between the two of you? When he went off to school? You know what? F*ck it, here's a profile I can glean from these one sentence answers. She was hurt by you breaking up with her and guess what! She hit the anger stage. She knows that you are in a very small tight knit group. Well, hell has no fury as a woman scorned. She KNOWS that this douche rocket has had the hots for her for two years (but she chose you over him)and he happened to come back into town when she hit her anger stage. So, she's going to get with this guy to make you hurt, to watch you squirm, hopefully to watch you go insane with jealousy and see you cry. SO, here's what you need to do. DON'T! You need to dislodge yourself from these friends. You need to find new interests and find new friends. Don't be around them, block both of them off of facebook. Hell, you might have to do the whole group. She can't hurt you if you can't see it. And once she realizes that you aren't watching and have moved on, I GUARANTEE you she's going to drop this guy that she's using for her revenge, because it's serving no purpose. It may be in a few weeks to even a few months, but she'll drop him and hopefully by then you'll have moved on. our friendship fell apart a few weeks after they started talking.. we were great friends up to the weekend she made her move on him..
Chi townD Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 (edited) Okay, cool. Now you know he really wasn't your friend to begin with. The rest of what I wrote stands. You need to remove yourself from that group. If people ask, you can tell them the truth, that you can't be around your Ex and your former friend that stabbed you in the back. When they really think about it, they may see the logic in your way of seeing it, and your friends probably won't be too accepting of their relationship. I mean, even though you dumped her, there are still unwritten rules that you don't go after your friends Ex's. Edited January 14, 2014 by Chi townD
rosedl Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 You broke up with her. Clearly, you didn't want the relationship to end, but you pushed her away and ended the relationship. Only she didn't play on your terms. She turned to someone who has been interested in her longer then she had been with you. Why do you think she owes you anything? You left her. She was distraught. You changed the rules, not her. If you didn't want her dating other people, you should have not ended the relationship. She was supposed to wait around and pine for you and change herself to meet your level of suitability and return upon a time frame which you decided. Hell, I wish more women would do this instead of the rest of us fools who wait around for guys who play these type of games. Maybe it would make them think twice before they acted like this in the first place. 2
Author inventorj Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 You broke up with her. Clearly, you didn't want the relationship to end, but you pushed her away and ended the relationship. Only she didn't play on your terms. She turned to someone who has been interested in her longer then she had been with you. Why do you think she owes you anything? You left her. She was distraught. You changed the rules, not her. If you didn't want her dating other people, you should have not ended the relationship. She was supposed to wait around and pine for you and change herself to meet your level of suitability and return upon a time frame which you decided. Hell, I wish more women would do this instead of the rest of us fools who wait around for guys who play these type of games. Maybe it would make them think twice before they acted like this in the first place. The story is actually a little deeper than it seems. The girl is pretty young, still in college, and her close friends and older mentors were not supportive of the relationships because of her readiness to be in one. I didn't like that the people we were asking for advice around the relationship were not supportive because they did not think we were ready to be dating. I broke it off not because I didn't have feelings for her but because I really thought that was what was best for her and me if we ever wanted to make things work in the long run. We weren't getting the support from parents, close friends, older mentors, we even were going to priests who were guiding us and everybody's consensus was that were not READY to be dating.. I did not feel right about being in a relationship without the support of close friends and family. In fact, once we ended things, I made it a point to do everything in my power not to make her jealous or hurt her. I would do small things like tweet things that were clearly about how I missed her and I wouldn't talk to any of the girls that I knew she had previous insecurities about me with. I loved the girl and I hated that I had to end things but I did everything in my power not to cause anymore pain.
margot13 Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Sorry but also have to agree with Rosedl. You broke up with her. You weren't ready for a relationship but she was... Give her a break, you broke her heart.. And I am sure your intentions were different but logic does not win over emotions when someone is heartbroken. She just would not see it your way.
Teejee Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Did you tell him that you still have feelings for your ex? I fell in love with the ex of a friend of mine and at that point (inexperienced) I didn't know he still had any feelings for her because he never told me anything about it ( we didn't had much contact at that time) and he already had a new girlfriend.
Author inventorj Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 Did you tell him that you still have feelings for your ex? I fell in love with the ex of a friend of mine and at that point (inexperienced) I didn't know he still had any feelings for her because he never told me anything about it ( we didn't had much contact at that time) and he already had a new girlfriend. I did not tell him that.. but I assumed that would be implied like 2-3 weeks after breaking up.. it doesn't need to be mentioned. And when he told me she had made a move on him, I was so upset that obviously I wasn't going to think to tell him I had feelings for her..
pickflicker Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Breaking up with someone is an ending, not a shift into a holding pattern while you sort your life out. She can date whoever she wants, and her motivations are none if your business.
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