PryncessBlue Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Hi, Everyone I just stumbled across these boards while trying to find something, anything to make myself feel better right now. My ex & I broke up 5 weeks ago, right before Christmas. I've been NC for about a week now. I thought that we had something amazing, which obviously wasn't the case if he chose to break us up & I've just really been struggling to put the pieces back together and move on. I have good days, bad days and horrible days but I'm trying to get through every day like my heart isn't broken into a million pieces. I miss him like crazy, everything reminds me of him & I can't help but go thru the entire relationship in my head over & over again to try and figure out what happened, though logically-I know it won't change anything. The couda, shouda, wouda is tough to live with. I guess that I'm just hoping that other people out there get it or might be having the same emotional/mental struggles. My best to everyone.
David87 Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Hi, Everyone I just stumbled across these boards while trying to find something, anything to make myself feel better right now. My ex & I broke up 5 weeks ago, right before Christmas. I've been NC for about a week now. I thought that we had something amazing, which obviously wasn't the case if he chose to break us up & I've just really been struggling to put the pieces back together and move on. I have good days, bad days and horrible days but I'm trying to get through every day like my heart isn't broken into a million pieces. I miss him like crazy, everything reminds me of him & I can't help but go thru the entire relationship in my head over & over again to try and figure out what happened, though logically-I know it won't change anything. The couda, shouda, wouda is tough to live with. I guess that I'm just hoping that other people out there get it or might be having the same emotional/mental struggles. My best to everyone. Welcome to LS:) You have to understand that he doesn't deserve you. You are a nice person just for the simple fact that you care enough to think about him and about the relationship. He doesn't do that, he only thinks about himself and about his own well being. Learn to love yourself first of all and the give your love to others. NC NC NC. Best of luck. 1
mantlefan Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 I thought that we had something amazing, which obviously wasn't the case if he chose to break us up & I've just really been struggling to put the pieces back together and move on. I have good days, bad days and horrible days but I'm trying to get through every day like my heart isn't broken into a million pieces. I miss him like crazy, everything reminds me of him & I can't help but go thru the entire relationship in my head over & over again to try and figure out what happened, though logically-I know it won't change anything. The couda, shouda, wouda is tough to live with. This perfectly describes me right now too. What helps me is eating healthier and exercising. Not only am I taking care of myself, but I KNOW that when I do those things I am taking care of myself, and that I am making progress. I also like to keep myself busy with work. It feels good to get on a roll where I don't think of her for minutes at a time. Sometimes those stretches increase to hours. Someday, it might be whole days. Take note of things you are progressing in. For a while, hearing a certain song made me cry. Now, if I hear it, I just get a little stabbing feeling. It gets better. NOT in a straight line. It's like looking at a graph of the stock market going up. There are ups and downs, but the overall trend is decidedly upward. What is going to make the "market" go down? Talking to them, texting them, bumping into them, seeing their picture. Avoid these things at all (reasonable) cost. And come on here to vent. Don't wallow in it and be here all the time. That just prevents you from moving on. But when you really feel overwhelmed, come post on here. You'll get better. It may not feel like it, but you will. 1
Author PryncessBlue Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 Thank you both for the kind responses. I really appreciate it. It is nice to have somewhere to go to not feel so alone in this. Thanks! 1
jphcbpa Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 (edited) Right there with you. Dec 22nd for me. The day before we did Christmas at her parents. The next day she was ending it. NC is critical. Here is what I have been doing to move on: -Writing. Lots of it. Wrote a letter to her (DO NOT SEND). Shared it with trusted men in my life. -Wrote out some new goals -Journal everyday. What I did, how I felt What ever. There is no formula. Free writing helps. -Wrote out a "she" list for what I would want in a partner in the future. -Wrote out what is important and what I need/want/value -Praying my A$$ off. -Hanging with friends. -Reading -Took 3 dance classes -Signing up for a music class -Run/Work out everyday that I can. -Be outside. getting out of the house. -Talk about it with 3 to 5 close male friends -Planning a trip for Spring Break -Saw my therapist -Getting a physical. Went to the dermatologist. (taking care of myself) -Got a massage -Eating good -Got a relationship sponsor -Been hitting recovery meetings as much as possible (aa, slaa, alanon) -Crying - feeling my feelings. -Movies -Working on a new house I am moving into the end of this month -Being around people -Loving on my son Edited January 14, 2014 by jphcbpa 2
jphcbpa Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 What is a relationship sponsor, jp? a guy I know from slaa. someone who can hold me accountable, I can tell him anything (crazy thoughts and all), helps me process writing I have been doing, gives me assignments to work on, helps me look at my part...things to consider and reflect on. working the 12 steps with him regarding the R. Step 1 - I am powerless over _______ (insert people place or thing), my life has become unmanageable. 1
JDPT Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Very common, no worries and welcome. Ben gentle on yourself, you are barely scratching the surface of what occurred. Internalize the fact that there is no turning back and start working on yourself. What you are experiencing is literally and emotional rollercoaster that you will eventually when ready get off and will breathe again. Take this time to focus on no one else but you, you are all that matters from this point forward. You have an entire life ahead of you, start paving a better future. You will come out of this a new and improved you.
Author PryncessBlue Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 Right there with you. Dec 22nd for me. The day before we did Christmas at her parents. The next day she was ending it. NC is critical. Here is what I have been doing to move on: -Writing. Lots of it. Wrote a letter to her (DO NOT SEND). Shared it with trusted men in my life. -Wrote out some new goals -Journal everyday. What I did, how I felt What ever. There is no formula. Free writing helps. -Wrote out a "she" list for what I would want in a partner in the future. -Wrote out what is important and what I need/want/value -Praying my A$$ off. -Hanging with friends. -Reading -Took 3 dance classes -Signing up for a music class -Run/Work out everyday that I can. -Be outside. getting out of the house. -Talk about it with 3 to 5 close male friends -Planning a trip for Spring Break -Saw my therapist -Getting a physical. Went to the dermatologist. (taking care of myself) -Got a massage -Eating good -Got a relationship sponsor -Been hitting recovery meetings as much as possible (aa, slaa, alanon) -Crying - feeling my feelings. -Movies -Working on a new house I am moving into the end of this month -Being around people -Loving on my son That is a great list. I've been trying to keep busy with very similar things-talk to my girlfriends & my sisters, going to the gym, movies, praying, writing. Sometimes the distractions work & sometimes they don't. I know that it's going to take time but I sure wish this part was over!
Fufu Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Hi, Everyone I just stumbled across these boards while trying to find something, anything to make myself feel better right now. My ex & I broke up 5 weeks ago, right before Christmas. I've been NC for about a week now. I thought that we had something amazing, which obviously wasn't the case if he chose to break us up & I've just really been struggling to put the pieces back together and move on. I have good days, bad days and horrible days but I'm trying to get through every day like my heart isn't broken into a million pieces. I miss him like crazy, everything reminds me of him & I can't help but go thru the entire relationship in my head over & over again to try and figure out what happened, though logically-I know it won't change anything. The couda, shouda, wouda is tough to live with. I guess that I'm just hoping that other people out there get it or might be having the same emotional/mental struggles. My best to everyone. You are not use to your new life now and it's completely normal to miss him so much at this period of time. Continue your NC, you are doing great. You will face emotional roller coaster rides (ups and down) but it's all part of the healing process. Be positive and optimistic that you will only get better. 1
devastated777 Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 my month 3 will be this Saturday. Just like all the others say, it's up and down. granted, the downs become fewer and further between each other but when the downs hit, oh boy. very difficult and you feel like you're back at day one but in a day or two, you're fine again. I was dumped on 10/28, just like ripping off a band aid. He gave me 48 hours to leave. Pretty sure it was over another girl. anyway, Im getting over it, slowly. recently joined facebook and it helps. Meeting lots of nice guys but I'm just not interested in dating right now. You will get through this, it just takes time and try to stick with NC. I have broken it 2 times but I figure that my having reached out only 3 times isn't too terribly bad. I think my last break of NC was my last and it was 8 days ago. good luck and just like all the others say, you will be get there. Most of these are blessings in disguise.
Author PryncessBlue Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 Thank you so much to everyone for their support & comments. I really appreciate it!
Recommended Posts