headstillspinning Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 I have these moments where I feel so strong and empowered. I am thinking clearly and can see the way out! It's what I truly want, so I make a declaration that it's over and to leave me alone.....only to end up looking like a fool in the end when MM sucks me back in. We have been having EA for 9 months and PA for 7 months. I work with him so we can't go complete NC. We were also good friends before the A, so I am not only losing someone I'm in love with but a very close friend. I honestly feel stuck and helpless. Weak and pathetic. I know I deserve so much more. Do any other OWs out there feel like they're ready to take a stand only to be sucked back in? I am feeling alone 1
Popsicle Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 I'm sure this happens a lot. Working with him is what makes it hard. No contact is one of the most effective methods to end things, but it hardly works if you have to see each other constantly. The only other things that work is to have a DDay or get tired of each other. Are you single or married? If you are single, you could also find someone single to replace him. That works too.
Author headstillspinning Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 I'm sure this happens a lot. Working with him is what makes it hard. No contact is one of the most effective methods to end things, but it hardly works if you have to see each other constantly. The only other things that work is to have a DDay or get tired of each other. Are you single or married? If you are single, you could also find someone single to replace him. That works too. I am single. I have tried dating others, but I am in love with MM and am emotionally unavailable at the moment. I wish so badly I never got involved with him.
Popsicle Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 (edited) I am single. I have tried dating others, but I am in love with MM and am emotionally unavailable at the moment. I wish so badly I never got involved with him. I have been where you are emotionally. You have more control than that. You can't have him anyway, he's married. What choice do you have but to move on? If you really want out, tell him that you want him to leave you alone and will tell his wife and the job if he doesn't leave you alone. This threat works. Edited January 14, 2014 by Popsicle
blue963 Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Im sure its hard because you are emotionally involved, but you really do have a good opportunity because you are single. You have so many opportunities out there....please dont lose them because of this man. This may sound really strange but an idea because you work together. Could you try to end it and act like/pretend that there is someone else? Perhaps if he thinks there is another person that is single that you are with he will leave you alone. I try to break it off all of the time, but I really enjoy interaction with him because i am just in a bad position right now and i enjoy being with him. 1
Popsicle Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 (edited) Im sure its hard because you are emotionally involved, but you really do have a good opportunity because you are single. You have so many opportunities out there....please dont lose them because of this man. This may sound really strange but an idea because you work together. Could you try to end it and act like/pretend that there is someone else? Perhaps if he thinks there is another person that is single that you are with he will leave you alone. Really good idea. My xMM was absolutely terrified that I'd find someone else. I had to constantly reassure him that there was no one else. I know if I had even mentioned another man, it would have scared him, especially if I combined that with tapered off attention from me. He knew he could not compete with a single man. Edited January 14, 2014 by Popsicle
blue963 Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Why not even play it up big time and have flowers delivered to yourself at work....little gifts.....and you will be treating yourself special in the process! May even get you back in the mood from attention from other men besides MM. 1
Author headstillspinning Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 Im sure its hard because you are emotionally involved, but you really do have a good opportunity because you are single. You have so many opportunities out there....please dont lose them because of this man. This may sound really strange but an idea because you work together. Could you try to end it and act like/pretend that there is someone else? Perhaps if he thinks there is another person that is single that you are with he will leave you alone. I try to break it off all of the time, but I really enjoy interaction with him because i am just in a bad position right now and i enjoy being with him. Yes, I am young and have many single men interested in me. I don't know why I am holding on to something that is so unhealthy for me. I suppose it's the cliche "soulmate connection" that are born in affairs. How do some people know it's real and others determine it's a fantasy? I really do love him. I could pretend there is someone else, but the resolve to end it needs to come from within myself. I see him and fall to pieces. It's truly pathetic.
Author headstillspinning Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 Why not even play it up big time and have flowers delivered to yourself at work....little gifts.....and you will be treating yourself special in the process! May even get you back in the mood from attention from other men besides MM. One of my girlfriends also suggested having flowers delivered to myself at work, which would be an excellent way of making myself feel special(something he has failed to do). This could actually be fun....and VERY expensive 1
Author headstillspinning Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 I have been where you are emotionally. You have more control than that. You can't have him anyway, he's married. What choice do you have but to move on? If you really want out, tell him that you want him to leave you alone and will tell his wife and the job if he doesn't leave you alone. This threat works. I am embarrassed to admit I once threatened that if he didn't leave me alone I'd tell anyone who will listen about his dirty secrets. I was VERY angry with him at the time. I later apologized for being so cruel. YUP! I apologized to HIM for being so cruel. It's laughable! 1
Popsicle Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 I can tell that you are feeling really low and stuck in this emotional grip. One day you will get tired of it. 1
blue963 Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Nothing to be embarrassed about that...he should be embarrassed about how he is treating you.
Author headstillspinning Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 I can tell that you are feeling really low and stuck in this emotional grip. One day you will get tired of it. ^ ^ This.......you hit the nail on the head. Stuck and very low. I am tired. My head and my heart used to be filled with overwhelming happiness when I thought of him and now it's usually anxiety and panic because I know the low that comes after the high. I need to break free.
Artie Lang Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 this is exactly why it's recomended that people in EMA with co-workers remove themselves from such an environment altogether. you need to look for another job if you really want to end this madness.
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