mm4184 Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Back story- we met January 2013. First 6 months were a mess- he was dealing with his ex moving out (broke up months before) and tried to keep me around at the same time which ended in lies and hurt. I wasn't getting what I wanted- real dates and time- so we stopped seeing each other for a couple months. Ran back into each other at work (same hospital, different floor). Decided to try again. It's been since September. I was seeing someone else but I stopped because I wanted to be "loyal" and focus on him. He finally had time, hung out more, took me out a couple times. I planned a trip because we had a few days off, had a great time.. and now after me beating around the bush about wanting a relationship, finally admitted I want him to be my boyfriend. But I've been complaining and making smart comments everytime he doesn't hang out and feeling like he doesn't want me as much as I want him, etc. Which I understand is because I have high expectations since my ex treated me like a queen and on the other hand, all of his cheated on him. All I ask is for quality time, the feeling of him wanting to actually be with me, and just being more communicative. I understand we have to teach men sometimes. So we had a talk and he says I was never upfront about wanting a boyfriend and he understands he needs to work on giving me time but that he does want to be with me, doesn't want to lose me, etc, we just have to work on our issues. I just hate that I even had to ask for the attention that I figure all women should receive when someone is wanting them in their lives. But I gave him the benefit that he never learned that and never was in a relationship where things were easy- last girlfriend was cheating on him from the beginning and he stayed because he loved her. Now, he has a new place to himself for once in his life and says he just likes to be alone sometimes because he never had that and to me it just seems like why don't you want to spend even lazy time with the person you're seeing? And there's time he makes but it's always after work or a few hours here and there. I get that he's busy. But I don't understand why it's so hard to balance family time, baseball, and friends with someone you want to supposedly be with? He's not a chaser, fine. But show ME that you want me! Little things like him saying he has baseball practice on Saturday night and Sunday morning (it's always been Sunday nights at 7) just make me doubt him and question that he's still trying to have his cake and eat it too. He swears he's not and that I'm insecure. I've met his parents etc. And he says all the right things and makes other plans. But I want his REAL day off time. I may be overthinking things but from the past, of course I'm protecting myself. There's just little things here and there that are questionable but I don't doubt he likes me and wants to be with me. It's just he says "just like you're tired of supposedly asking me for time and communication, I'm tired of always hearing you complain and not let me SHOW you." He says I've JUST told him what I really want and I agreed to let him show me in due time. So should I even give it a chance? Or just leave if I have these negative feelings... I'm a negative thinker most of the time which isn't good I know... But when my heart hurts, I hate just waiting around for things to get better so I end up complaining and trying to fix the situation. He's laid back, wants to give it time to develop and to show me he's in it for the long run. What should I do??? Sorry so long... just hurt and lost.
Ok Good Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Back story- we met January 2013. First 6 months were a mess- he was dealing with his ex moving out (broke up months before) and tried to keep me around at the same time which ended in lies and hurt. I wasn't getting what I wanted- real dates and time- so we stopped seeing each other for a couple months. Ran back into each other at work (same hospital, different floor). Decided to try again. It's been since September. I was seeing someone else but I stopped because I wanted to be "loyal" and focus on him. He finally had time, hung out more, took me out a couple times. I planned a trip because we had a few days off, had a great time.. and now after me beating around the bush about wanting a relationship, finally admitted I want him to be my boyfriend. But I've been complaining and making smart comments everytime he doesn't hang out and feeling like he doesn't want me as much as I want him, etc. Which I understand is because I have high expectations since my ex treated me like a queen and on the other hand, all of his cheated on him. All I ask is for quality time, the feeling of him wanting to actually be with me, and just being more communicative. I understand we have to teach men sometimes. So we had a talk and he says I was never upfront about wanting a boyfriend and he understands he needs to work on giving me time but that he does want to be with me, doesn't want to lose me, etc, we just have to work on our issues. I just hate that I even had to ask for the attention that I figure all women should receive when someone is wanting them in their lives. But I gave him the benefit that he never learned that and never was in a relationship where things were easy- last girlfriend was cheating on him from the beginning and he stayed because he loved her. Now, he has a new place to himself for once in his life and says he just likes to be alone sometimes because he never had that and to me it just seems like why don't you want to spend even lazy time with the person you're seeing? And there's time he makes but it's always after work or a few hours here and there. I get that he's busy. But I don't understand why it's so hard to balance family time, baseball, and friends with someone you want to supposedly be with? He's not a chaser, fine. But show ME that you want me! Little things like him saying he has baseball practice on Saturday night and Sunday morning (it's always been Sunday nights at 7) just make me doubt him and question that he's still trying to have his cake and eat it too. He swears he's not and that I'm insecure. I've met his parents etc. And he says all the right things and makes other plans. But I want his REAL day off time. I may be overthinking things but from the past, of course I'm protecting myself. There's just little things here and there that are questionable but I don't doubt he likes me and wants to be with me. It's just he says "just like you're tired of supposedly asking me for time and communication, I'm tired of always hearing you complain and not let me SHOW you." He says I've JUST told him what I really want and I agreed to let him show me in due time. So should I even give it a chance? Or just leave if I have these negative feelings... I'm a negative thinker most of the time which isn't good I know... But when my heart hurts, I hate just waiting around for things to get better so I end up complaining and trying to fix the situation. He's laid back, wants to give it time to develop and to show me he's in it for the long run. What should I do??? Sorry so long... just hurt and lost. this ^ is your answer distract your spinning mind with other stuff to do instead of overthinking things and give the relationship a calendar deadline like if I'm still unhappy in one month (or 2 weeks, etc whatevs) I'll move on this is a good time for you to practice patience and faith in your guy!
Author mm4184 Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 this ^ is your answer distract your spinning mind with other stuff to do instead of overthinking things and give the relationship a calendar deadline like if I'm still unhappy in one month (or 2 weeks, etc whatevs) I'll move on this is a good time for you to practice patience and faith in your guy! Thank you for this. Everyone I talk to tells me it's not worth it because he just seems full of crap with excuses. I want to believe in the inherent good of a person. But I guess sometimes people aren't meant to be and can't be forced... I'm just hurt that I have to ask for time, I'm used to someone always wanting to be around and communicating how they feel about me and with him, I feel like I gotta ask for it. I did give myself until my 30th birthday in April but I don't know how good of an idea that is- don't want to be depressed if things don't go right. It's hard as it is waiting around for him to show me. And it's only been a few days since we decided on working on it. (Although I don't understand why he just didn't SHOW me from the beginning of the 2nd chance) I just don't get when I ask to do something, he has to "get back to me" even if he doesn't have plans already. Ugh, sorry, just negative Nancy speaking.
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