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Posted (edited)

When you spend 6 years of your life with someone and they constantly telling you how your family arn't there for you and how your friends are loosers and lead you astray, you eventually start to believe it. You isolate your self from everyone who has ever meant something to you. Then its just you and them and anything you try to do is never good enough and they tell you their actions are your fault. That you arn't a good dad and your not providing the life your family deserves, That no one likes you and you have no prospects you start to believe it.

 

You begin to think that the person who is saying these things is right. You apologies for their mistakes. You believe you are lucky they are still with you. That you couldn't possibly live without them. You believe it even more when they start getting interest from other men and suddenly meet a new circle of friends. they seem to be living their life without you and you are just stuck with constant fear and feelings of inadequacy. What you used to be and what you used to do doesnt make sense any more. Your a different weaker person. You begin to think how they want you to think, act how they want you to act. When this happens their mission is complete they no longer find you a challenge they have broke you and move on. You watch from a distance as they get on with their new life while you barely have the energy to breathe. You idolize and worship them, hang on their every word.

 

You beg plead and cry for them to take you back. The more you do this the stronger they become and the further you fade away. When they tell you its your fault you believe them, when they point out your inadequacies you feel them. your addicted to the way they make you feel. You would rather feel this way speaking to them because at least you feel something. When your not with them your lost alone and empty. You feel that life is going on without you. That no one notices you even exist. Would anyone notice if you where gone? You know you need to do something but you dont know what or were to start.

 

So you sit abit waiting and thinking, ruminating on what you could of done on the good times you had, on the life you used to live. You feel your best years have past you by and you have nothing to look forward to or live for. You failed at the one thing you identified yourself as a father a partner a family man.

 

Thats all of me...

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Posted

I identified myself too much with being my ex's boyfriend.

 

 

Just because you defined yourself as something, it doesn't mean that was all or even most of you. This is a chance to figure out who you really are.

 

 

I too think back to all those times where I could have done something different, like if only I wouldn't have begged, maybe she'd take me back. I felt like life wasn't worth living. But I am starting to climb out of that. Faith, friends, and my own perseverance are all pulling me out of that pit.

 

 

Keep coming back here to vent, whatever you need to do. This community is here for you. You are not alone.

Posted

OP - I'm not going to sugarcoat this. You have issues with codependence, self-esteem, boundaries. The works!! Take this time to self-reflect and get to heart of why you put yourself in this position. You can learn from this and you can put yourself in a better situation. You can!!

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Posted
OP - I'm not going to sugarcoat this. You have issues with codependence, self-esteem, boundaries. The works!! Take this time to self-reflect and get to heart of why you put yourself in this position. You can learn from this and you can put yourself in a better situation. You can!!

 

Ive just spent the last couple of hours reading about co dependance and it hits the nail on the head. It seems my ex has BPD and i took on the role of care giver. It has left me more messed up than her. I need to find the strength to face this head on now. Any suggestions...

Posted
Ive just spent the last couple of hours reading about co dependance and it hits the nail on the head. It seems my ex has BPD and i took on the role of care giver. It has left me more messed up than her. I need to find the strength to face this head on now. Any suggestions...

 

OK. Great that you realize you have codependency issues. This is a huge first step. And you, like me, have probably lived a large chunk of your adult life with this. Now is the time to work through this stuff. Or else wash, rinse, repeat!! There is a book called "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. I recommend this. Plus, just read, read, and read some more. Plenty of good literature out there to help you on your journey!! Remember, this will not be a quick fix, but rather a new way of living your life.

 

Oh, and don't be so quick to label your ex as a way of understanding / coping with this. Many people want to make their 'BPD' ex the root of their problems. Best to start and end with yourself...

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Posted
OK. Great that you realize you have codependency issues. This is a huge first step. And you, like me, have probably lived a large chunk of your adult life with this. Now is the time to work through this stuff. Or else wash, rinse, repeat!! There is a book called "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. I recommend this. Plus, just read, read, and read some more. Plenty of good literature out there to help you on your journey!! Remember, this will not be a quick fix, but rather a new way of living your life.

 

Oh, and don't be so quick to label your ex as a way of understanding / coping with this. Many people want to make their 'BPD' ex the root of their problems. Best to start and end with yourself...

 

Thanks man. I appreciate your honesty ! I have just downloaded that and a couple of other Melody Beattie books for my kindle. Something has to change and ive relised it starts with me.

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Posted

Really recommend melody Beattie books for anyone who is struggling to let go of there ex. The destraction techniques are awesome. I've really noticed a difference in myself today, I've managed to keek her in the back of my mind rather than at the forefront . Hopefully with perseverance I can eventually get her out of there all together.

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Posted

Which particular book would you recommend?

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Posted
Which particular book would you recommend?

 

The one I am reading is called co dependant no more. I have pm'ed you :)

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