Elizabeth1976 Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Hello everyone This is my first post on here so I am a little nervous. I was with my husband for 13 years, married for 3,and we have a beautiful daughter together. She is now 11 years old. My husband was 35 when I met him and I was 23. He had four children from a previous marriage. At the time, he was not on good terms with his ex wife and understandably, it caused some heartache. At the time, I was really a kid, I had no idea the impact that it caused his ex wife to see me with her ex husband. I fell pregnant about 6 months after we started seeing each other. Although it was a suprise, I was excited about becoming a mother. At the time, I had just joined law enforcement and he was a serving officer. Approximately 4 months into my pregnancy I was emotional and told him to leave. I wasn't in the right frame of mind and he was living at my mothers house at the time not helping financially and it was causing strain. We were only apart for two days before we were together again. When I was 6 months pregnant he called me from the police station to inform me he had been arrested at work in uniform and charged with five counts of sexual assault. I was sure he was joking. He wasn't. I was shattered to learn that he had gone out drinking with students and had sexual relations with a student less than 24 hrs later. I went into complete shock and thought I would lose my baby. He denied any sexual assault however did admit sexual contact. I chose to support him which I now regret. It was extremely painful. My father paid for his defence counsel double figures and he was ultimately convicted and jailed when our daughter was nine weeks old. I was devastated. My family paid out his debts while he was incarcerated and visited him 5 hrs away every opportunity for 18 months. It was torture. He continued to deny his guilt for 10 years, appeal after appeal after appeal and countless days, months and years listening to him. It affected me mentally and physically. He promised he would never put himself in a position like that ever again. I believed him. In 2010 18 months after our wedding, he began sneaking off early in the mornings, sleeping in another room, verbally abusive and uninterested in sex with me. He hid his phone, laptop and became sneaky and cruel. I discovered he had been texting a girl he used to work with 3000 times a month, hours of phone calls and emails and filthy dirty pornographic stories (one published on amazon.com) dedicated to her. I tolerated the abuse and his behaviour for 18 months. He called me unspeakable names and laughed when I cried about it. He physically abused me three times. He is a big man. I couldn't believe he would do this to my daughter and I. At the time I was sick with PTSD from law enforcement and suffering severe anxiety and depression. He left his phone at home accidently on our wedding anniversary and I found disgusting pornography, pictures of the girl he was texting and appeared to be filmed pornography from his phone. His computer was filled with pornography some called teen stuff. He would ask me to participate in threesomes and disgusting sexual acts that destroyed me. He would call me pathetic and laugh at me whilst I cried. He would masturbate in the toilet at home to the porn on his phone while our daughter and I were In the house. I was broken and isolated from family and friends. He told me I was useless and I paid out all his debts nearly 40k on two occasions. I had no one, he drove everyone away with his abuse including my friends and family. He decided to move and got in his car with a few furniture items and all his clothes and drove out and left my daughter and I in a huge house with a mortgage I couldn't pay. I had no money. He called saying he wanted us to move with him but I'd had enough. I asked for a divorce. I lost everything, my home, my savings, my job and ended up living with mum. The girl involved is 21 years younger than him. He has a son the same age. She sent me a pic of herself with no top on with her breast implants squished together and sticking her finger up at me. Apparently I deserved it according to him. She has sex ads on the Internet looking for females for threesomes, ads on bondage websites and is into both men and women. I am so gutted. He denies any involment with her but she now lives in the next suburb to him in qld. She took off from nsw. I need help and advice as I feel as though I am going mad. I blame myself everyday and am wracked with guilt and emotional pain. He blames me saying I was useless, lazy and fat and no one will want me. I am starting to believe him. I am sorry for the long winded story but it's what happened and I'm extremely damaged. I feel like my whole time with him was a lie. Any advice would be great and I appreciate you taking the time to read this.
amaysngrace Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Do you do counseling? There are women's shelters that offer counseling to women who have lived through what you've experienced. Some even have a child psychologist available for your daughter to deal with what she has witnessed. Check with your county. Most of them provide services with little or no cost to you. You filed for divorce, right? You should be proud that you had the courage to leave. But please try to give yourself a break. This relationship was many years long with many incidents. It will take time to heal from it completely. Counseling is a really good place to begin. 3
Spark1111 Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 And block the sick basturd and his not job floozy. Do not take one call. Change your numbers and emails. save the harassment emails texts porn films and go see an attorney. See if your family has any recourse for the loans they provided him. Maybe they can sue and garnish his wages. Get a restraining order. he was formerly incarcerated so this should not be hard. Tell them to leave you alone forever. It may be time to borrow funds and move far, far away from this slime ball. Those domestic violence organizations have lots of experience with this.... Contact one TODAY. 2
experiencethedevine Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Hello everyone This is my first post on here so I am a little nervous. I was with my husband for 13 years, married for 3,and we have a beautiful daughter together. She is now 11 years old. My husband was 35 when I met him and I was 23. He had four children from a previous marriage. At the time, he was not on good terms with his ex wife and understandably, it caused some heartache. At the time, I was really a kid, I had no idea the impact that it caused his ex wife to see me with her ex husband. I fell pregnant about 6 months after we started seeing each other. Although it was a suprise, I was excited about becoming a mother. At the time, I had just joined law enforcement and he was a serving officer. Approximately 4 months into my pregnancy I was emotional and told him to leave. I wasn't in the right frame of mind and he was living at my mothers house at the time not helping financially and it was causing strain. We were only apart for two days before we were together again. When I was 6 months pregnant he called me from the police station to inform me he had been arrested at work in uniform and charged with five counts of sexual assault. I was sure he was joking. He wasn't. I was shattered to learn that he had gone out drinking with students and had sexual relations with a student less than 24 hrs later. I went into complete shock and thought I would lose my baby. He denied any sexual assault however did admit sexual contact. I chose to support him which I now regret. It was extremely painful. My father paid for his defence counsel double figures and he was ultimately convicted and jailed when our daughter was nine weeks old. I was devastated. My family paid out his debts while he was incarcerated and visited him 5 hrs away every opportunity for 18 months. It was torture. He continued to deny his guilt for 10 years, appeal after appeal after appeal and countless days, months and years listening to him. It affected me mentally and physically. He promised he would never put himself in a position like that ever again. I believed him. In 2010 18 months after our wedding, he began sneaking off early in the mornings, sleeping in another room, verbally abusive and uninterested in sex with me. He hid his phone, laptop and became sneaky and cruel. I discovered he had been texting a girl he used to work with 3000 times a month, hours of phone calls and emails and filthy dirty pornographic stories (one published on amazon.com) dedicated to her. I tolerated the abuse and his behaviour for 18 months. He called me unspeakable names and laughed when I cried about it. He physically abused me three times. He is a big man. I couldn't believe he would do this to my daughter and I. At the time I was sick with PTSD from law enforcement and suffering severe anxiety and depression. He left his phone at home accidently on our wedding anniversary and I found disgusting pornography, pictures of the girl he was texting and appeared to be filmed pornography from his phone. His computer was filled with pornography some called teen stuff. He would ask me to participate in threesomes and disgusting sexual acts that destroyed me. He would call me pathetic and laugh at me whilst I cried. He would masturbate in the toilet at home to the porn on his phone while our daughter and I were In the house. I was broken and isolated from family and friends. He told me I was useless and I paid out all his debts nearly 40k on two occasions. I had no one, he drove everyone away with his abuse including my friends and family. He decided to move and got in his car with a few furniture items and all his clothes and drove out and left my daughter and I in a huge house with a mortgage I couldn't pay. I had no money. He called saying he wanted us to move with him but I'd had enough. I asked for a divorce. I lost everything, my home, my savings, my job and ended up living with mum. The girl involved is 21 years younger than him. He has a son the same age. She sent me a pic of herself with no top on with her breast implants squished together and sticking her finger up at me. Apparently I deserved it according to him. She has sex ads on the Internet looking for females for threesomes, ads on bondage websites and is into both men and women. I am so gutted. He denies any involment with her but she now lives in the next suburb to him in qld. She took off from nsw. I need help and advice as I feel as though I am going mad. I blame myself everyday and am wracked with guilt and emotional pain. He blames me saying I was useless, lazy and fat and no one will want me. I am starting to believe him. I am sorry for the long winded story but it's what happened and I'm extremely damaged. I feel like my whole time with him was a lie. Any advice would be great and I appreciate you taking the time to read this. This is a horrid tale to tell, and must have been terribly difficult for you to find the courage to do so. For that I commend you. It is time to seek refuge elsewhere, as Spark rightly alludes, and remove yourself in entirety from the spreading filth and the stain of this revolting excuse for a human being. He has taken everything you are and destroyed you. Time to get it all back......................................... 2
Author Elizabeth1976 Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 Thankyou all so much. I really appreciate your views on this. It sure helps me cement I made the right choice. Distance isn't an issue as he moved to another state 14 hours away. I have been to a solicitor and ended up giving him property settlement money even though I purchased our home. I have been left with nothing and am living with my daughter doing the best I can. It's a very painful journey I have been on for the past 13 years. I think years and years of mental torment have really affected my self esteem and he made me believe I should have been grateful he was with me. I was in law enforcement as he was he at the time. He was sacked when he was incarcerated. I received compensation in 2012 for my breakdown from law enforcement and I had to give it all to him because her racked up credit card debts on five star hotels and other things I have discovered. He's 48 and I thought he would have known better than to do this to my daughter and I. As I said before, he is 11 years older than me and 20 years older than the young girl that participated in destroyed our marriage. I'm so wounded about this it's difficult to breath some days. I have changed my email and phone number due to the abuse and blame I get. The girl thinks it's funny and he defends her by saying shes a great girl. He already has five kids he has nothing to do with, most are in their mid twenties.
Recommended Posts