which of these options would you do?

[Zahara]

Unless someone is calling you in and giving you formal notice to remove your children, you live with the stares and the discomfort. The priority is that your children continue their education without disruptions and you learn to cope and deal with the situation.

 

Who cares what this guy says about the school i.e. gossipy. Workplaces are gossipy. If it isn't affecting your kids, grow up and take responsibility and deal with the gossip and the looks. It will blow over. It won't stay like this forever. In some way I wonder if he said that to get you out of his life.

 

If the school wants to move him to keep you both away from each other, who cares if it's unfair to him or the school. They're doing what they think is best for the kids. F unfair. Unfair is your kids having to be pulled out of their school because you couldn't keep your head straight. That is what is unfair about this whole thing. F that it is unfair to the school or this guy or to you. And yes you are being dramatic. A year from now and you are already going off thinking that he's going to feel that you're about to cause more trouble. And predicting how he is going to be, how the school is going to be -- you can't even predict how you are going to behave tomorrow because you're all over the place.

[Xemyd]

Honestly, the the school shouldn't be doing anything, it's not their business they shouldn't have to deal with anything. You're an adult anyways, you shouldn't care what these people are saying. Concentrate on your damn kids.

 

The school is there for the students, not for the parents.

 

I honestly think that unless you get professional help and really dedicate yourself to tht and yours kids and COMPLETELY let go of this guy, switching schools is the best thing to do.

 

Yes, you shouldn't have to do that, it is fairly drastic, but like I said, unless you can control yourself, it's for the best. You've continually proved that you can't control yourself around this man, I'm sure in time you may be able to, but that won't happen overnight. You and him constantly in the same vicinity is a disaster waiting to happen.

 

I think you need to seek professional help and ask them what the best course of action is. That being said, neither LS or professionals can help you unless you truly want to help yourself.

[wistfulgirl]

The thing you need to get to grips with is the very thing you're fighting against - no contact. I know this is not the answer you want and although you've said in previous posts that you understand he may never contact you and that you won't be the one to initiate contact - but you've rationalised to yourself another reason to contact him and continue this torturous hellish situation.

 

You keep trying to justify yourself to LS readers as to why you should contact him but really you're trying to justify it to yourself. You have to come to the realisation that trying to "meet for coffee" or someday in the future "be friends" is absolutely poisonous to you, because there are underlying motives (from both sides) and too many feelings and history there to ever be able to be just friends.

 

I can relate to the desperate feelings of having to "re-write" the end and leave things on a good note but you have to really understand that this cannot happen. Whenever things have been left ever so slightly "better" between you it re-opens the lines of communication and gives you an excuse to text him again to come over, he will mess with your head, you will fight against it etc etc and the end result never changes: I'm sure someone will have already posted but the definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. And you will say things are different this time as you have gone 3 weeks no contact - that's a drop in the ocean compared to the water that's already gone under the bridge with you two and be honest with yourself, how different would things really be if you were to meet up with him? You should be well aware now how he triggers your issues and the cycle keeps on repeating. The very fact that you still want to meet up with him and that you think something can still be salvaged from this wreckage shows that nothing has actually changed.

 

I'm not meaning to be harsh as I've been in your shoes (although undoubtedly not as intensely!) where I felt I couldn't just leave things badly and had to change xAP's perception of me but as he ignored my last message that hit home to me - youre not on the same page, move on!! Since I have stopped contacting him and have accepted that its over I have managed to make a lot of progress and am in a completely different headspace which wouldn't have been possible if we'd have kept in contact under the facade of being "friends".

 

The sooner you accept the situation for what it is and understand that you have done all you can do to try and change his feelings (and much much more!) and realise this situation is making you desperately unhappy the sooner you can put it in your past and gain some perspective and focus on whats really important - yours and your childrens happiness.

 

Please dont contact him, use the energy and focus you have put into him into looking after yourself. Let it be. I wish you all the best xx

Edited January 15, 2014 by wistfulgirl

[gothicrose]

I could post and say I took your advice.

 

I would be lying.

 

My landlord put superglue in my locks last night (front and back door) so I could'nt get in. Long story. I sorted the children out staying with my mum, but I had nowhere to go so I went to his place...not just because of that if I'm honest, but primarily.

 

I knocked and he answered straight away, invited me in.

 

Showed me the letter from the school to say there is an investigation against him, for an inappropriate relationship with a parent (me). First meeting to discuss it all was today.

 

I ended up sharing his bed, no sex though as he said he couldn't...wanted to, was clearly 'interested', but if he had sex with me, it would feel like using me as we aren't in a relationship, and he wants to make love not just have sex. Plus couldn't entirely trust me not to blab to the school the next day, and himself not to be honest if they asked him when he had last slept with me.

 

He said he still had strong feelings for me but doesnt know what they are...but never gets a chance to find out as we never get on long enough.

 

He also told me that he can't understand why all this stuff happens where I almost ruin his life, but at the exact same time he not only can't hate me, but he actually wants to cuddle up to me and rest his head on my shoulder, or have me wrap myself around him and just hug tightly.

 

He said as well that he wants to be friends, where we meet up, get on and have a laugh and I asked if he wanted me to leave him alone for good a bit later on that evening; at first he said yes, fine, do it. Then when I moved his arm from around me and said ok, he said he didnt mean that, he doesn't know what he wants.

 

I then called him on it, saying it was clear he only said the second part as he was worried he had upset me, he got annoyed and said no, he genuinely doesn't know what he wants.

 

So, thats about it.

 

Usual thing, you're all right.

 

Back to NC, at least until this investigation is over.

[Zahara]

Good luck to you. My only concern is for your children. I'm sorry that they have to go through this. Hope you find your way. It's futile at this point. As others have said, please seek professional help, if anything, for the betterment of your children.

 

PS: You had nowhere else to go? You couldn't stay with your mom and your kids? I call BS. You used it as an excuse to go and see him.

Edited January 16, 2014 by Zahara

[gothicrose]

Zahara - I did say that obviously part of me wanted to see him.

 

But honestly and truly, nowhere to go. My mum and I don't talk, and she lives in a different town with no transport, I didn't have money spare for bus fares and I had to be back in my town for 7am for the council.

 

The father of my children took them over to her house, his partner wasn't happy about having to do that, so no way she would have let me in the car as well.

 

I have also stated my first appointment with the mental health team is on 31st January, so I AM taking measures to 'sort myself out'.

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm am Jack's complete lack of surprise.