Ariel 86 Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Hi, I have been reading posts throughout this forum for the last few days and decided to finally share my relationship with you, in hope to... I really don't know what I would like to get out of sharing this - Perhaps your opinions or possibly to find someone else who has been in a similar situation and how their life has panned out. I am 27 and am currently in a 9 year relationship. I am not engaged, married (and that is why I am writing this) and I don't even have kids, but we do own a home together and a dog. We were both 18 at the time of dating and, although I wasn't physically attracted to him at first, I fell in love with his personality; he was caring, giving and always wanted to help. We both fell in love with each other. After the first couple of years (or perhaps after the first year), he began going out a lot with his friends. I put it down to him being a young 'boy' and let him. Yes, sometimes I got upset (rarely did I let him know I was) but I didn't want to stop him from going out. He met a couple of girls during this time and it crushed me, but I put it aside and let it be as it was only the exchange of numbers and text messages. He stopped talking to them once I told him how I felt. We bought a house together 2-3 years into our relationship (we were about 20-21) and things appeared to be going well. We both were still in love however, like most relationships, we definitely still had our down moments. He went out a lot with his mates but I was fine with that, as long as he could put in as much effort with 'us' time... and that's where the 'downs' started. Sometimes he made the effort, other times it was like he didn't care. A year later (age 22), he became distant. My phone broke and I needed to use an old phone of his... It was suss that he had to 'check it' before giving it to me, so the very next morning I looked through the phone, to see if I could find anything... There was a saved message to a friend about her cousin, telling the friend how he couldn't stop thinking about her cousin and how it was the wrong thing to do etc but he couldn't help it. Once I confronted him, he admitted he had feelings for her. I don't think they ever spoke, I think they were just the third wheels to friends when they all went out together, so they just 'saw' each other. Anyway. About 6 months later he proposed and I said no. I was heartbroken because I wanted to marry him but couldn't because of what had happened. We stayed together and life went on... 3 years later/2 years ago he ended up having an 'emotional relationship' with a married woman in our group of friends. I was so blinded that it was going on (I think it only lasted for a few weeks), however he was staying back at work late etc etc and I believed everything. I only found out what was going on when he left a fb chat open with her, he fell asleep and when I woke him, his phone lit up and I saw 'oxox' on the chat screen so I then proceeded to go through his phone. He took her to the lookout where he proposed to me and also sent her flowers on Valentines day - I WAS DEVASTATED. I stayed with him... Now, at 27, I have come to realisation that I am getting older and need to work out my life. I love him but I am so scared to move forward with him, get married and have kids. He still wants to marry me. He has been amazing the last few months but I am so confused. I am scared to be with him but scared to be without him... I love him and don't want to throw 9 years away but what if it all happens again? Has anyone else been in this situation?
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