9Lives Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 Some of you may know already that I am no longer the ow. I am not with a mm anymore. It was a painful time but it is over now. I have gotten past it. So....now the question that comes to mind is...THE GOOD LIFE. Question?.... What is The good life to you? Can you have the good life in this kind of relationship? What do you want? I have asked myself these questions I guess because not being fulfilled has made me want to be completely fulfilled. There is more to the story but I just wanted your thoughts. Is 2005 going to be like 2004?
KissMyTiara Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 I thought about this for 5 minutes, literally...and I realized... The GOOD LIFE for me doesn't even involve a man! For me, the good life is coming home from work and hopping into a tub full of bubbles with a silly chick lit book and a glass of Reisling and not even worrying about what chores I have to do. It's riding a train through Tuscany with 2 of my best girlfriends and not feeling guilt for having not checked in with my secretary in 3 days. It's watching my grandmother open a present I spent forever picking out. It's making a fantastic meal for girlfriends, and then playing a Sex and the City boardgame until we pass out from wine and laughter. It's walking in the rain and not caring about my hair. It's about laughing with children playing on the beach and running from the waves. Anyone with me on this one? Literally, who NEEDS a man? I certainly don't... That's not to say I don't want mine around...
Author 9Lives Posted January 11, 2005 Author Posted January 11, 2005 Wow! That was good. Why cant you have some of that now?
KissMyTiara Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 I DO! I have ALLLLL of that right now. That is probably why I allow MM to remain in my life...because I have everything else I could ever want or imagine I'd need - GREAT friends, GREAT career, GREAT lifestyle...just a not-so-great man. But seeing as I don't really need one, seeing as I don't even think of one (even Brad Pitt...he IS available now!) when I think of the good life...this allows me to rationalize keeping him around - because to me, he doesn't do that much damage to my conception of what the "good life" is! Does that make sense?
KissMyTiara Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 Essentially, I am all 4 gals from Sex and the City wrapped up into one...but my lovelife is a lot like Carrie and Big when he was married. Pciture that?
Author 9Lives Posted January 11, 2005 Author Posted January 11, 2005 Originally posted by KissMyTiara I DO! I have ALLLLL of that right now. That is probably why I allow MM to remain in my life...because I have everything else I could ever want or imagine I'd need - GREAT friends, GREAT career, GREAT lifestyle...just a not-so-great man. But seeing as I don't really need one, seeing as I don't even think of one (even Brad Pitt...he IS available now!) when I think of the good life...this allows me to rationalize keeping him around - because to me, he doesn't do that much damage to my conception of what the "good life" is! Does that make sense? This is amazing to me. You have it all? That is fantastic! I wish I felt that way. You dont want children? You are completely satisfied with your life, your friends, your career? How did this happen? I want that.
KissMyTiara Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 My friends and career are great. I'm new to a big city, new career, the world is my oyster. I do want children in my life...but that's not to say I want to give birth to them. I'm secretly hoping to meet and fall for a rich young single guy (divorced, not dead wife) with young children! Pick up the newest issue of Time - it's all about happiness. Happiness is a choice - no one is going to be happy-happy all the time. It's more about choosing to be satisfied with one's life, being content with what one has. Yes, I do have life-satisfaction. There is room for improvement, of course (case in point, my relationship with MM), and life does have it's ups and downs (again, related to MM), but I can confidently say that overall, yeah, I am pretty darn satisfied. I'm off to watch Jen Sheft start tossing out the bottom feeders. See y'all later!
Barby Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 I want children in my life...but that's not to say I want to give birth to them. I'm hoping to fall for a rich young widow with young children! Why not adopt? (oops not trying to hijack)
KissMyTiara Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 That too. Anything so as to avoid actually carrying the thing and pushing it out. The thought absolutely terrifies, TERRIFIES me.
Author 9Lives Posted January 11, 2005 Author Posted January 11, 2005 Well that is great. I am working on it. I want to be content. I am not missing my mm. I feel fine without him. I dont feel empty inside either. I just want to figure out what I want to do with my life. I am not unhappy....just thinking.
fanou22 Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 What is The good life to you? Like KMT, the good life to me does not involve men especially married ones. I don't need a man to be happy. I would not mind one to complete and share my happiness. The good life to me is having a good job (the one I want). Making enough $$$. Have a 4 weeks vacation (I will settle for 3 ) to be spent every summer on the Mediterranean. xMM caught me at the lowest point in my life. Otherwise I wouldn't have been the least bit interested in him. Can you have the good life in this kind of relationship? Basically, you can if this kind of relationship does not rule your life. Strangely enough, when my relationship started every other aspect of my life went downhill. What do you want? I want "The good life" Is 2005 going to be like 2004? If 2005 is going to be like 2004 then I better start making arrangements to move into a mental hospital then start posting under the name "mental case" Does anyone know if they allow access to computers at mental institutes?????
Merin Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 JV.. The "Good Life" IMO isn't possible or probable for anyone involved in a triangle. It isn't good for YOU and it isn't good for the MM's Wife... Niether person really "has him" niether woman ever really feels secure, totally accepted and loved for who they are and what they have to offer, knows that there is someone who has thier back no matter what happens.. or feels that they could call upon this guy to come get them and take them home when they are "lost" I have been on both ends of this in a way... I was cheated on when I was married, my circumstances were different from most as my husband at the time had told me he wanted to have an "open marriage" bah! and I have also been the OW although I hadn't known for sometime he was married and heard a million lies to follow that one... I can tell you though that BOTH relationships left me feeling very empty and very alone.. I knew niether one of these guys would have my back REALLY have my back when push came to shove.. So in this "journey" I learned a lot about myself.. picked up a few "new emotional bags" to carry around (crap!) but in the end found that having the "Good Life" was more about ME loving myself and my little people, ME being so damn thankful for the amazing friends I've got in my life that DO love me unconditionally with all my issues and faults, ME telling my Dad he was right that I deserved something more, ME telling my Mom she was right that I'm stronger than I gave myself credit for.. and at the end of the day looking at my 2 reasons.. My wee peeps and knowing that they have my back no matter what, and knowing that was and is enough. JV.. YOU deserve to have that someone (regardless of who it is) that you can count on no matter what.. that IMO IS the good life;) Hang in there
KissMyTiara Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 Merin - you missed the point. Both JV and I both feel like the Good Life exists without men...therefore, it doesn't matter whether or not we are involved in a triangle.
Merin Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 Originally posted by KissMyTiara Merin - you missed the point. Both JV and I both feel like the Good Life exists without men...therefore, it doesn't matter whether or not we are involved in a triangle. KMT.. respectfully.. what I wrote IS still my opinion...
KissMyTiara Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 So what you're saying then is you CAN'T have the good life without a man? That's just SAD. You poor thing.
Merin Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 Originally posted by KissMyTiara So what you're saying then is you CAN'T have the good life without a man? That's just SAD. You poor thing. What?! Um actually NO that isn't what I said. This is what I said is the GOOD LIFE for ME... "So in this "journey" I learned a lot about myself.. picked up a few "new emotional bags" to carry around (crap!) but in the end found that having the "Good Life" was more about ME loving myself and my little people, ME being so damn thankful for the amazing friends I've got in my life that DO love me unconditionally with all my issues and faults, ME telling my Dad he was right that I deserved something more, ME telling my Mom she was right that I'm stronger than I gave myself credit for.. and at the end of the day looking at my 2 reasons.. My wee peeps and knowing that they have my back no matter what, and knowing that was and is enough." So where YOU get that I EVER said the good life isn't possible without a man is beyond me. Me a "poor thing" uh... not even close!
Pocky Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 Both JV and I both feel like the Good Life exists without men Then why do you have a man in your life to cause so much grief? You sure do force yourself to deal with a lot of crap from a man that doesn't even get added into the equation of what you consider a good life.
Author 9Lives Posted January 12, 2005 Author Posted January 12, 2005 I can only speak for myself. I dont have a man in my life. me and mm are no longer together. I am fine with that. The reason I posted the questions is because it is the being of a new year and I am trying to channel my thought and energy. Not for any other reason. As for a the mm, I find myself still attracted to him but I dont want to be involved with him. However. he is a big temptation. I must be careful. In order to really have a good life and move in that directions I cant be with him. That gives me strength. Life is easier, peaceful, and more productive with him being gone. I still think about him everyday but I it does not get me down. That is so wonderful. I am doing great.
DoggyDog Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 Yikes....What a great question "What is the Good Life for You" Guess what....I have no idea because I haven't really had a Good Life so far to compare anything with. I have had happy times but not "A Good Life".... when I live it maybe I will have an answer. Til then.....I don't..... L DD
Author 9Lives Posted January 13, 2005 Author Posted January 13, 2005 awww dog, Well I hope you figure out what you want out of this life of yours. You will then have more happy times.
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