MissTrudy Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 (edited) the wrong guy? the right guy with some creativity and patience? how does one proceed if she meets a person that compliments her better than anyone else she has encountered, a person who is genuine, honest, fun and engaging, but... this is also a person who is hurt by his past, a person who is trying to persevere through the pain, a person who is determined to love again... yet this person realizes that he cannot give her what she needs and deserves because he is broken, split between his past and the present such that he cannot move forward into a future with what seems to be a promising partner for him. is it foolish to wait it out by his side, the both of you cultivating emotions while he is still reliving his past? is it wise to move on, to sever all ties, giving him space and time to heal; space and time for her to grow, to find a love that has no baggage perhaps? and if she does sever all ties momentarily, is it worth it to come back to that right person some time from now, to see if he has made progress towards his true, authentic, healed self, to see if he is still the right person, but now, the time is right? Edited January 14, 2014 by MissTrudy
FitChick Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 If you hang around now, when he does eventually feel better, you might remind him of this horrible time and he'll want to forget about it by dating someone new. If I were you, I'd move on. If it's meant to be, circle back later. You might wind up finding someone even better. You never know. 1
newmoon Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 you move on and don't wait. it's all about timing and both people have to be ready. if only one partner is, then they are not in the same place and ready for the same things. it's one-sided.
PegNosePete Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” -- Einstein There is no such thing as the right man at the wrong time. He's either right man (warts and all) or he isn't. Don't hang around for him to change because he might not, ever.
soccerrprp Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 (edited) yet this person realizes that he cannot give her what she needs and deserves because he is broken, split between his past and the present such that he cannot move forward into a future with what seems to be a promising partner for him. I consider myself a HOPEFUL romantic and believe that finding love is about taking risks, but there is a point where even I am not willing to take a risk and it's the above. I know someone very close to me who took a chance with a partner that was totally screwed up from a past relationship. I mean, emotionally and financially. He stuck with her through the ups and downs. It turns out that the she needed someone like him to help her through otherwise she would have been stuck having no way out...they are still together today and she is a totally different, happy person for the first time in her adult life. Happy story right? Yes. BUT she WAS ready to move on and demonstrated throughout that she wanted to move on and fine new, healthy love. Your friend doesn't even seem ready to do that. I'm with Peg a bit. This guy is simply not the right guy for you. The "right" guy is compatible AND ready now. Edited January 14, 2014 by soccerrprp 1
Author MissTrudy Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 He's either right man (warts and all) or he isn't. This is quite true, I hadn't even thought about it like that. I am moving on from him right now. It hurts me too much to think that he isn't invested, and he has admitted to me that he is trying to get over her but it's difficult some days. He is not ready to have something serious, and I want something serious. It's all just wrong right now. It could be good in the future, but right now it's not. I am a hopeLESS romantic romantic I am trying to turn into a hopeFUL one like you soccerrprp. I do think that he wants to heal and move on. That is hard, I know because I've been there. Dating him and trying for anything serious with him right now is not will not result in anything authentic because there are too many lingering feelings, worries, resentments even.
Frank2thepoint Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 I am moving on from him right now. It hurts me too much to think that he isn't invested, and he has admitted to me that he is trying to get over her but it's difficult some days. He is not ready to have something serious, and I want something serious. I was in the same situation a couple of months back with a woman I really liked. She asked me out on a date, I reciprocated by asking her out for a second one. From the first date on it seemed to me we were hitting it off. She then drops the bomb that she's not looking for anything serious. It sucks. But I looked back and realized I dodged a bullet. The girl had serious baggage. Just move on, keep yourself busy, and keep your head up. 1
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