Lennon Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 So broke up over four months ago. I was a mess for three and half of these months. To the point of quiting my job and spending time at home with my family for a couple of weeks. In the depths of depression, chain smoking every day doing nothing but thinking of her, going n/c and then breaking it continually. She would chat to me via facebook as if nothing had ever happened between us and it killed me for her to speak to me like this. When she used to tell me everything. The last time i broke n/c was after two weeks i got an email from her saying what was going on in her life and her saying she didn;t want to lose me, saying she still sleeps with plush toys i got her as gifts and wears my neckalace every day. I caved after a couple of days and replied saying i didn't want to lose her either and i forget whatever else i mentioned. She replied with I'm so glad to hear from you but i'm just about to go to work now but i promise i'll reply properly when i get home from work ten hours from now. i didn't hear anything for two days. I got frustrated and sent a message to her saying its obvious i'm not that important to her anymore and also mentioned some stuff about her eating issues saying she better be taking care of herself. She replied apologising saying she was busy with work and then we messaged back and forth for awhile, being friendly but not the same as it was when we were together, telling how good things were going back home. She used to tell me she didn't like home and when she moved back there she would just complain on the phone to me about it before she ended us for good. She told me she ended things because she needed time to find herself and needed to be single and she's even a little curious. Afterwoods i felt that little high you get from having a little bit of contact with her then i got down again. I started to realise being in contact was just hurting me over and over. Breadcrumbs. I moved to france two days later where i am now. I blocked her on facebook for the final time. I got an email from her a few days later saying "not that i was stalking, but did you block me on facebook again, what did i do?" and another the following day with a picture of a street sign with my last name on it saying " reminded me of you" i ignored both messages. I received another email xmas day wishing me a merry xmas and her telling me her mother bought a new chain for the pendant necklace i gave her as it started to tarnish from wearing it all the time ( bloody jewellery store ripped me off) and also she didn't mind if i didn't reply she wanted to send it anyway, which seemed like her goading me to reply so i thought. I ignored it also. I didn't want to get into a conversation with her. I haven't heard from her since xmas day. It isn't fair to send things like this to someone you know is still in love with you is it not. You still wear my necklace and every day, you sleep with the teddies i got you, it would drive me crazy because i would think she must still love me but then she would say she wants to be single. However i had been checking my email religiously looking for breadcrumbs or more. Last week i got tired of torturing myself so i cut that final connection. I deleted my email account. I won't be unblocking her on facebook again as the last time seeing pictures of her partying at a anything but clothes party where she was scantily clad in dress made of balloons where i knew guys would be all over her and then spending time at the beach with her male best friend broke my heart. Although she promised me the last time we chatted via email, they are nothing more than friends and have been since they were kids. I had to ask, i was still losing my mind at that point. Since i moved to France and started n/c properly i've been getting better. i can stand my own company again. i've got new job. i'm dating a french girl at the minute, she's lovely and pretty and she tries to teach me french. I told her a few days ago, i feel numb inside but enjoy spending time with her. She said its okay she's been through it before and if i ever want to end it and be friends its okay. However i can feel her feelings for me growing everyday. I don't want to hurt this girl but she's cures my blues most of the time. I'm having serious trouble sleeping at night though. Its when she crawls back into my head and i do miss her still. I just want to forget about her completely now. I no longer cry over her or wake up in the middle of the night in tears. I just feel numb, sometimes anger though. I know now contacting her does no good at all but set me back its out of my hands. Things in life are looking up. I just wish i could move on completely and quicker. She can't contact me anymore although if she's desperate enough she could find a way. I am right doing this aren't I. I'm apologise if this isn't to well written its 4am and i can't sleep again. I'm not going to break N/C but am i right to not give her any way to contact me. She can no longer call, text, facebook message, skype or email me now. Its been over 30 days since i have initiated any sort of contact with her. She has emailed three times. Emails full of nothing. Now she can no longer email me. I just want some input here on whether i'm right to cut contact to this point.
flightplan Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Keep the NC up. I promise in 2-3 months you're going to feel a whole lot better. Just set a goal of 2 months no contact. You're ex isn't going anywhere so let her hang for a couple of months while you heal... you'll have a whole new perspective. Dang, I'd love a little french maid right now, so you got something I don't have . Hang in there... remember 2 months minimum... you'll feel a ton better. 1
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