nicole9758 Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 (edited) Hi everyone! I really need help I apologize for the really long post but I would appreciate it if anyone could help me with my first love :'( At the start of the relationship everything was so perfect and I thought he would never hurt me and could really see myself with him for a long time. I thought he was the most perfect guy in the world. The relationship lasted for about 2 years and ended 9 months ago. And during the time, my ex and I had an on/off relationship. He broke up with me 4 times throughout the entire relationship but still let him come back to me like it was nothing (which was stupid I know but I loved him a lot). The 4th time he broke up with me though was the MOST hurtful thing he did to me. He left me because of someone else. I don't wanna go into too much detail but it started out with his family inviting their family friends along to his house for a small get together. From there he met the daughter of the family (and btw she is very pretty :/ which makes me feel even worst about myself). So by the end of the day after the get together, he called me and told me he needed to say something so I said okay tell me. Then he said "I think I like (insert name here)..." I paused. My heart felt like it was shattered He told me that he and this girl had an hour long of conversation and while he was with her he felt some sort of 'connection' with her. Long story short then he broke up with me after that. Telling me that he had wanted to breakup with me before this all even happened but he just didn't know how to. He also told me that this was a good enough excuse for a breakup. (excuse my language but wtf..) Anyways, stupid as I am , I tried getting him back and I don't even understand why I wanted him back :/ I kept messaging him, calling him etc like an idiot. Everytime he replies he kept telling me to just 'wait' for him. He compared me to this girl and how she is basically a better option. I cannot explain how hurt I was by this and how much my self esteem suffered because of this. I always compare myself to this girl. Like I feel like I wasn't good enough for him. That he needed someone prettier and much better. :/ One month later, he finally came back. He asked (again) to give the relationship another try. I stupidly took him back :/ Now from this point, everything was just messed up. I became so insecure I didn't know when he was gonna leave me again. I became so clingy due to the fear of losing him (and if you know me in person I am not the clingy type). He became less available. He could go on for days and even a whole week not talking to me. Everytime I called him he always told me he was busy to talk. I felt like I was doing all the work. He would say things that would really hurt me like telling me how pretty other girls are, put my opinions down and ignore me everytime we have arguments. Then a few weeks later I found out that he had confessed to the girl how he felt towards her (this was before he came back to me btw). Turns out that the girl didn't feel the same way and just wanted to stay friends. And that's when he decided to come back to me. Now from hearing this, I felt like a doormat. Basically I backup. :/ Like he just wanted me to be there for the sake of having a girlfriend and not even trying to make the relationship any better. I felt so mentally exhausted. He always ignored me and only wanted to talk to me if it suited him. I got so tired of this that I just decided to breakup with him because I felt like he just didn't feel the same way anymore. It was very hard to do as I loved him so much. 7 months after I was doing literally fine, until he sent me a message on Facebook that he loves me and misses me and that he wanted to be friends? He added me again on fb and I accepted. But deleted him again a month later as it was hard to stay friends because it's hard for me to be just friends with someone I love and thought NC would help me better. It's been 2 months since we last talked and I don't know what to do. All the hurt and memories are still fresh in my mind. How do I get over him? why do I still love him after all the things he did to me? Did I do the right thing? I feel like I'll never feel the same again for anyone Edited January 14, 2014 by nicole9758
Bigcitydreamer Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Hey girl, I just wanted to say that I am terribly sorry you are going through this. I can feel the pain and sadness in your post. What you experienced is a very true form of heartbreak. You absolutely did the right thing here. You have to have faith in yourself and realize that sometimes people are sh*tty and do bad things and you can't control that. He sounds like an immature and irresponsible person. You simply cannot have a trusting relationship with someone who does something like this. I think you are doing the best thing possible with NC. It truly is the only way to be able to heal the pain in your heart. As sad as this breakup is, at least you know you can do better than someone like him. You deserve someone who will never make you lose trust like that. It takes a lot of strength to walk away from this so you can be proud that you did. I'm going through a horrible breakup of a 3 year relationship. Just devastated really. So there is a lot of heartbreak going on in this world. You are not alone.
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 OP - Not to bash you, but it sounds like you have issues as described in my signature below. If you have the means, I would suggest therapy. It can be a big help. Sorry you are going through this. It sucks!!! 2
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