thummper Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Lol katielee that look that some get on their faces...that half smile that can be a little creepy...now you know what they are thinking as they give you that little smile....ha! Heh, heh, heh. You always wondered, NOW you know. The guys you should really be worried about are the ones who are NOT smiling the little sneaky half smile as they engage you in "friendly" banter. Works well to mask what they're really thinking (and hoping.) They believe that this improves their chances to disarm you, hopefully opening the door to, um, other possibilities. Need I delineate what those other "possibilities" are? Oh, we are a sneaky bunch. 1
thummper Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Ick and some of them are his friends..,, And, Katie, they'd very much like to become YOUR friends, too. 1
road Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 My God this is troubling. It makes me feel dirty when a guy checks me out. Ewww.. Ewwww? So you do not want guys to find you attractive.
road Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 So you guys walk around thinking of nothing else all day long just because you see it? No after we have our morning caffeine to get our brains functioning. Then we engage our minds with work. Plan lunch. Back using the mind to work. Drooling for super by end of the day. Though we with the right stimuli we will get distracted easily. 2
tired girl Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 No after we have our morning caffeine to get our brains functioning. Then we engage our minds with work. Plan lunch. Back using the mind to work. Drooling for super by end of the day. Though we with the right stimuli we will get distracted easily. That sounds normal to me. 1
thummper Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 ....then my husband is doing the same thing. That's reassuring It's a guy thing that we're kind of "cursed" with. But the difference is, Katie, he's NOT doing anything about it. He's coming home to you every day, not trying to score with some other hot "chick." You're his sweetheart....the girl of his dreams. Revel in that! 1
RightThere Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 I would just like to weigh in as a guy with testicles. I think it's being way oversimplified here. A lazy guy would love to spend his whole day screwing any chick he could get his hands on, eat nothing but pizza, drink beer, snort coke and watch TV. The reason it doesn't happen is because there are consequences to all of it. Guys don't need to constantly focus on being monogamous. Same as guys don't need to constantly focus on not drinking beer all day. Some have a serious problem and do need to focus on that, but most do not. The notion that we have to have a mental pep talk every morning to make sure we don't act on urges to screw every girl we find attractive is nonsense. 1
Author krazikat Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 So you think all OW give it up to the first married guy who finds them attractive, dream on....... both me and MM are seriously attractive to the opposite sex, it is normal,,,,, you think that is all it entails??? What are you talking about? Is this your random thread bomb of the day to try and incite drama jadore? At least make it make sense darlin'. I am sure we are all up for some intelligent discussion... 1
Author krazikat Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 Ick and some of them are his friends..,, Well, that should keep your h on his toes, then 2
thummper Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 So you think all OW give it up to the first married guy who finds them attractive, dream on....... both me and MM are seriously attractive to the opposite sex, it is normal,,,,, you think that is all it entails??? I'm not saying that all women fall for some player's smooth, sweet talk. I have a lot more respect for women's integrity than that. I think a large number of ladies do eventually stray because of problems that they may be having within their own marriages. Some are literally so starved for affection, communication, and love from their mates, that they do become prey for the predatory males who are always trolling for ladies whose guard is down. If you're one of the many who don't go for the smoke and mirrors that some of these guys are throwing in your faces, then that's great. 2
katielee Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Ewwww? So you do not want guys to find you attractive. Attractive and wanting to have sex are two different things. 1
Realist3 Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 You may be sending out different vibes due to what your H has done. Make sure your boundaries are shored up and call them on the crappy remarks. Guys like that are not friends. I read the first few posts, and was about to post much of this same thing. Vibes. Women give off vibes, and astute males will pick up on them quickly. 1
dreamingoftigers Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 I think certain men can sense a vulnerability sometimes when we are going through something. I was hit on a lot when I was separated from my H. I wasn't actively looking, but I had several guys make the same kind of comments you are talking about. I realize now I was giving out vibes that I wasn't intending to give out. Same deal here. When my husband and I separated it was in a very short time-period that someone was pretty much on the hard chase with very little encouragement. Then it seemed like men had a "vulnerability radar." I think its a built-in instinct. Men didn't get to reproduce with us for centuries based on looks and charm. In fact, if the human race depended on the physical attractiveness of men, we would have died out long ago. 3
Author krazikat Posted January 16, 2014 Author Posted January 16, 2014 Same deal here. When my husband and I separated it was in a very short time-period that someone was pretty much on the hard chase with very little encouragement. Then it seemed like men had a "vulnerability radar." I think its a built-in instinct. Men didn't get to reproduce with us for centuries based on looks and charm. In fact, if the human race depended on the physical attractiveness of men, we would have died out long ago. Ok, there are some very attractive men out there...and I will admit that I have my days where I may also have some sex on the brain size ups going on...I would never act on it...but I just have to say it is there... 1
thummper Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 See, Krazy, it's just a natural reaction. There's always a little curiosity about what it would be like to "do it" with somebody new. 2
road Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Attractive and wanting to have sex are two different things. They are one in the same. It is wanting it and acting on it that are two different things.
dreamingoftigers Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 They are one in the same. It is wanting it and acting on it that are two different things. Er no. You can see when someone is attractive. You can even feel a little blush when someone attractive pays you a little extra attention but you don't AT ALL have to go there mentally. Not even out of 'morality' or 'self-discipline.' Your brain just doesn't take you to some kind of porno every time a guy/girl with nice eyes walks by. I think way too many guys have been hooked inti porn and just see all women naked now. I know it was like that for me when I was a regular porn watcher. It kind of skewed everyday interaction for me. I would be wondering if the cart guy at Walmart was "thinking what I was thinking" (exaggeration but you get what I mean).
Author krazikat Posted January 16, 2014 Author Posted January 16, 2014 I read the first few posts, and was about to post much of this same thing. Vibes. Women give off vibes, and astute males will pick up on them quickly. I can see this being true...It is disappointing though that now I will be looking sideways at all males now and wondering what their game is...married or not! :
katielee Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 there are a couple males I work with that I guess I can feel are attracted to me. It's like they go out of their way to avoid me now. I guess I need to figure out if I'm sending out a vibe. Our MC says that when women are vulnerable it's like a neon sign on their back. Not sure I agree with this.... but.... I can see that my husband's AP probably saw his vulnerability and maybe sensed a loss of self esteem. 1
lilmisscantbewrong Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 there are a couple males I work with that I guess I can feel are attracted to me. It's like they go out of their way to avoid me now. I guess I need to figure out if I'm sending out a vibe. Our MC says that when women are vulnerable it's like a neon sign on their back. Not sure I agree with this.... but.... I can see that my husband's AP probably saw his vulnerability and maybe sensed a loss of self esteem. I think this is very true. Men do seem to see if someone is vulnerable and if they are without character they use it to their advantage. It took a very long time for me to admit that this was true of my xmom. The unfortunate part if I think my husband did the same thing with his xmow - but I also believe the she saw him as vulnerable and took advantage as well - hoping to move into my position if my husband chose her over me. I don't like any of it - it makes me sad. 2
Realist3 Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 I can see this being true...It is disappointing though that now I will be looking sideways at all males now and wondering what their game is...married or not! : Just read their cues as to whether they think you are giving them signals. Change accordingly to each case.
tired girl Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 krazikat, Can you ever remember a time that these guys made these kinds of comments to you prior to your H cheating?
RightThere Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Our MC says that when women are vulnerable it's like a neon sign on their back. Not sure I agree with this.... but.... It's very true. Men really focus in on vulnerable women. Especially ones they feel like they need to save. 1
dreamingoftigers Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 It's very true. Men really focus in on vulnerable women. Especially ones they feel like they need to save. They want the Damsel in Distress. Then they end up with the Distressed Damsel. 3
tired girl Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 It's very true. Men really focus in on vulnerable women. Especially ones they feel like they need to save. My H did this. Made me crazy. 1
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