It's Raining (MM) Men!

[Trimmer]

Seriously...a couple of them have been good friends for a very long time who have not crossed the line before. And yes, now I am looking at them crooked...Like scumbags for sire. i have cut off communication with all of them...one I am going to try and salvage because wehave been close for years since we were 14 and always platonic. He had a crush on me then but he had dated a friend so I let him know it would never be. I am going to tell him to never go there with me again as long as either one of us is married.

I would leave off the "as long as either one of us is married" part. Keep it simple: "Don't do it." With these guys, don't leave even the slightest crack open, as if you're even considering a future where that might be possible.

 

If these guys were friends for a long time and suddenly began acting this way..I'd DEFINITELY be thinking maybe they did find out about your husband cheating then. Since, why all of a sudden start acting this way? It'd be one thing if you just met them, but it is strange to me they would just out of the blue start hitting on you unless they thought you were vulnerable or something.

I know, that was my thought too. I believe in coincidences, but this is a lot of coincidence all piled up in one place... Maybe there's something to the idea that you may be throwing off a "vibe", who knows. But something shifted the dynamic, right around the time your husband cheated; it's awfully coincidental...

 

 

Incidentally, all it would take would be one person who suspected (maybe saw your husband doing something suspicious, or heard him talk about having problems, without being more specific) and word could spread...

[BeholdtheMan]

For some reason this past month it seems as though some of my guy friends have lost their minds! Married men, all of them! It leaves me wondering, can any man keep it in his pants?

 

Enjoy the ego boost (which you probably are)

 

If any one of them gropes you against your will, file sexual harassment claims

[Zenstudent]

I just think that our awareness is at a totally different level post-infidelity. To me, infidelity was just statistics in the tabloids untill I was betrayed myself.

 

Now I can smell it miles away, very sensitive to it. Maybe the goes for you - you sense it now, while you didn't before.

 

Nothing wrong with enjoying the attention, as long as you don't respond to it, other than cooling off the most obvious attempts of course.

[waterwoman]

I have spent my entire adult life completely oblivious to come-ons from men. So H tells me when I tell him what happened later. I take things at face value so if someone says I look nice today I say thanks and move on and dont read into it more than the obvious. If someone says something more direct I will tell them I don't appreciate it and if they say it again I will report them. I had to do that to someone who was emailing some totally inappropriate 'funny' images to everyone in the department.

 

I once challenged a man who had said something so disgustingly suggestive to me that I was gobsmacked and I said nothing at the time and then went back and asked 'Did you actually mean to say xxxx?' and when he smirked and said he did I told him what I thought of him - it wasnt polite.

 

I tend to take that sort of talk as aggressively mysogynistic and unacceptable rather than an invitation to sexual congress Call me Miss Humourless but in a mixed work environment it is uncomfortable and unsafe.

 

Is it the nature of all men? Nope it isn't. I work with plenty of lovely respectful men who are professional enough to be friendly without crossing boundaries.

[road]

I am going to try and salvage because wehave been close for years since we were 14 and always platonic. He had a crush on me then but he had dated a friend so I let him know it would never be. I am going to tell him to never go there with me again as long as either one of us is married.

 

 

 

This guy will never stop wanting you. He's wanted you for 15 years. There is nothing to salvage. He has been hanging on waiting for you to get divorced or widowed. Or cheat.

 

 

And sorry, no offense to the guys with the pants comment.

 

 

Movie Harry met Sally. Billy Crystal said men can not be just friends with women. The attraction is always there. Then he said well maybe with the ugly ones. Then upon reflection he recanted and said after awhile and being on a dry streak we pretty much want to nail them too.

 

The male of the species from time of the first erection want to get It. They were not sure what it was because back then Playboy, movies, topless bars were only topless never revealed the missing link to their knowledge. They had an idea of what the intended target looked like or any idea of how the act would feel.

 

As boys turn to men they want it for the rest of their lives. No woman should act surprised that we want them.

 

Though there is a difference between wanting and acting upon it. There are men that will not go after married women. Those that will. Those that will bang anything that is female and those in between.

 

This is why married people should not have opposite sex friends. It is the first step to an Emotional Affair. Why it is known as taking the first step onto the slippery slope.

Edited January 14, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix formatting and quotes and redact inflammatory language

[harrybrown]

Some can keep their pants on.

 

But like you said earlier, some MW can't. It has been a real shock, that some can't.

[beatcuff]

... I am a friendly person by nature...

 

and here's the key. most people are reserved. so friendly persons - especially women stand out: get attention. what you consider 'friendly' maybe actually considered, by some, to be flirting. which is fine and for the vast majority an innocent passing of time. up till D day you thought nothing of it (because it was innocent). now you do. they didn't change you did.

 

why the delay --- i assume you were in a terrible mood for a couple of months.

[krazikat]

I just think that our awareness is at a totally different level post-infidelity. To me, infidelity was just statistics in the tabloids untill I was betrayed myself.

 

Now I can smell it miles away, very sensitive to it. Maybe the goes for you - you sense it now, while you didn't before.

 

Nothing wrong with enjoying the attention, as long as you don't respond to it, other than cooling off the most obvious attempts of course.

 

I think that is part of it. I just didnt "get" it before...not being naive or slow, but just not paying attention since I dont think that way (I have never cheated in my life!) and it wasnt on my mind. I even saw married guys as safe. Ya, I know.

 

Now infidelity is on my mind, and it disgusts me more than ever. So where before I may have reacted "haha very funny *******, take it to your wife" and not even taken it seriously...now I am thinking of it completely different, like if my husband cheated on me...then these jerks could, too....I just see things different now I guess. And I could be givng off different vibes, I dont know.

[krazikat]

and here's the key. most people are reserved. so friendly persons - especially women stand out: get attention. what you consider 'friendly' maybe actually considered, by some, to be flirting. which is fine and for the vast majority an innocent passing of time. up till D day you thought nothing of it (because it was innocent). now you do. they didn't change you did.

 

why the delay --- i assume you were in a terrible mood for a couple of months.

 

Yep, just slightly. Seriously, a horrible and depressing time to be honest. What you said makes alot of sense.

[krazikat]

ALL men want to have sex with every female they consider attractive. Its part of having a working set of testicles.

 

That being said.

1) Those you mention are all between somewhat inappropriate to idiotville inappropriate.

2) Yes the first statement about wanting to includes me. It never goes past my poor little pig brain tho. I have never told a woman anything like I like it when she walks by. When the wife is around I walk with blinders on. When she isn't I don't gawk. Just leads to trouble.

3) Not reacting to the male urge to screw every attractive female is part of commitment.

 

Seriously? That would be hard to walk around wanting to have sex with every attractive person of the sex you are attracted to...Iran there are allot of beautiful people in the world! I would go crazy lol!

 

Now I do appreciate a good view..as does my husband...and I actually point out girls with butts he likes...he likes curvy with a bigger booty and small waist...I never felt even jealous at him appreciating a beautiful women but it is look but don't touch...and I know my husband loves me, thinks I am beautiful, and loves my body...so I thought that he would not cheat. So I was pretty laid back about things.

 

I guess I am living in a new world now. So many things have changed!! Affairs suck.

[thummper]

Hey Krazy. Just a thought about men in general. I think this whole thing goes back thousands of years when humans were trying to build up their populations. It was to their advantage to get as many females pregnant as possible. The strongest male got to mate with the most women. I think it's come down to us in our genes. There's this overwhelming desire to mate. The thought of conquering good looking females is never very far from men's minds. And in a lot of cases, the gals don't even have to be that great looking. Now, MOST MEN don't act on this, but I'd be lying if I said it doesn't occur to us once in awhile. So you're kind of finding out how male genetic makeups influence their sexual desires. To be honest, I don't know how women put up with all of the sexual "hints" and passes they're forced to face almost every day. No wonder so many ladies get just plain disgusted with men, thinking that sex is the only thing we ever have on our minds. Please excuse the rambling thoughts.

[tired girl]

When I see this subject come up on these forums it always seems to me that it puts men in the same bracket as little more than animals that cannot control their urges.

 

So you guys walk around thinking of nothing else all day long just because you see it? I am sorry, I don't buy that. I believe that there are men that are not like this. I believe that a great many are, my dad and my one of my sons being like this. But I know there are men that aren't. I believe it comes down to respect. When a man respects that a woman is worth more than just what is between her legs and her tits and ass, they see her in a different light and her they treat her differently.

 

I believe that men and women can be visual, and appreciate what they see. It should stop there.

[thummper]

Sorry if you "don't buy that" because you're choosing to ignore an overriding physiological part of a man's psyche. Women aren't built that way. Men are. There's a book out called "Not Just Friends" that you should take a look at. It might open your eyes to the fact that sex is on our minds constantly. And that's true no matter who the other woman is, whether she's an old friend or someone we work with or someone we just met. Makes no difference in the long run. It's not something we have a lot of control over, other than not actively pursuing them. The "respect" part shows in the lack of pursuit, but the desire is ALWAYS there lurking in the background. You say you "know" men who are not like that. Really? And just how do you "know" that? You can't read their thoughts when they look at you, so there's no way you "know" what's on their minds. Sometimes I believe that women get played by some of the smoother, more suave guys because they don't think the men are interested in them sexually. DON'T YOU BELIEVE IT. You say it makes us sound like animals, well in case you've forgotten your basic biology, people are animals and we exhibit a lot of the same drives that other animals do. That definitely includes sex, whether you like to think so or not.

Edited January 15, 2014 by thummper

[tired girl]

Your right, there is no way to KNOW what they are thinking. Maybe it is that some men come across as more respectful than others. They respect the boundaries and never give any hint that they are going to cross that line. They seem to be very dedicated family men. Then there are others that just never stop. Doesn't matter if they are married or not. I know that it is something that always crosses the mind of a man, I just think there are degrees to which men choose to act on it. Or allow it to control their mind.

[thummper]

Your right, there is no way to KNOW what they are thinking. Maybe it is that some men come across as more respectful than others. They respect the boundaries and never give any hint that they are going to cross that line. They seem to be very dedicated family men. Then there are others that just never stop. Doesn't matter if they are married or not. I know that it is something that always crosses the mind of a man, I just think there are degrees to which men choose to act on it. Or allow it to control their mind.

 

 

 

You're right, Tired. We're not mindless beasts. Yes, we are animals, but higher-functioning ones who can control our actions when we want to. And that's the key, isn't it? Being married I would NEVER make a pass at another woman, but there are a lot of guys who would never let a little thing like their wife and family stop them. Many of their stories wind up on this site. I mentioned this to Krazy, but a lot of guys look at a woman's wedding ring and think of it as a challenge; the brass ring. They want to see just how far they can get with her. It's the old "see how many females we can mate with" frame of mind. Now, Krazy shuts them down cold. Many women do not. They're addicted to the attention and the compliments. Everyone likes to have their egos stroked, especially those whose husbands have, at least in the wife's mind, been ignoring them and not meeting their "needs," whatever those might be. They get sucked in to the other man's little game. It can lead to LTA, but in many cases after the guy has gotten his "reward," he loses interest and moves on to the next possible conquest, leaving the woman confused and abandoned and stuck with the realization of what she has done. Sad, I know, but that's a way of life to some men. Women ignore this to their peril.

[road]

Seriously? That would be hard to walk around wanting to have sex with every attractive person of the sex you are attracted to...

 

 

 

 

 

No work at all. Whether in real life, movies or tv, just natural to find women attractive and to want to do them.

 

 

Wanting, no work is involved.

 

 

Acting upon it, work is involved.

 

 

That is the difference. Just because I walk by a Italian pastry shop window. I like what I see. Does not mean I go in and buy something.

[road]

When I see this subject come up on these forums it always seems to me that it puts men in the same bracket as little more than animals that cannot control their urges.

 

So you guys walk around thinking of nothing else all day long just because you see it? I am sorry, I don't buy that. I believe that there are men that are not like this. I believe that a great many are, my dad and my one of my sons being like this. But I know there are men that aren't. I believe it comes down to respect. When a man respects that a woman is worth more than just what is between her legs and her tits and ass, they see her in a different light and her they treat her differently.

 

I believe that men and women can be visual, and appreciate what they see. It should stop there.

 

 

We are visual.

 

 

We appreciate a woman that we find attractive. Finding her attractive means that we would find having sex with her highly desirable.

 

 

Just because we do not act upon it because she is married or we are married does not remove the fact that we would bang her brains out if we were both single.

 

 

Is does stop there. No action is taken though the desire is there to take action is.

[road]

Your right, there is no way to KNOW what they are thinking. Maybe it is that some men come across as more respectful than others. They respect the boundaries and never give any hint that they are going to cross that line. They seem to be very dedicated family men. Then there are others that just never stop. Doesn't matter if they are married or not. I know that it is something that always crosses the mind of a man, I just think there are degrees to which men choose to act on it. Or allow it to control their mind.

 

 

 

Tiredgirl, do you know that there is a class of OM that are labeled as predator's.

 

 

They do not try and pick a woman on the spot. They have learned to recognize the weak on in the herd. They work they way to become friends getting the WW to step on to the slippery slope to an affair. Then to an EA, then a PA. They will be patient while working their prey through the steps to cheating. Even working on multiple women at the same time so they always have a harvest to reap.

 

 

They come across as gentlemen, polished, having class.

 

 

Hence the name s wolf in sheep's clothing.

 

 

So remember just because a guy does not cat call or drool when a hot girl walks by does not mean that he does not want to bang her.

 

 

Even if they wear a priests collar. For many a priest has been know to have a mistress. Even though they promised celibacy.

[katielee]

ALL men want to have sex with every female they consider attractive. Its part of having a working set of testicles.

 

That being said.

1) Those you mention are all between somewhat inappropriate to idiotville inappropriate.

2) Yes the first statement about wanting to includes me. It never goes past my poor little pig brain tho. I have never told a woman anything like I like it when she walks by. When the wife is around I walk with blinders on. When she isn't I don't gawk. Just leads to trouble.

3) Not reacting to the male urge to screw every attractive female is part of commitment.

 

My God this is troubling. It makes me feel dirty when a guy checks me out. Ewww..

[thummper]

Katie, do you remember a song called "Standing on the Corner Watchin' All the Girls Go By?" (Guess I'm really showing my age here. lol) But one of the lines in the song says, "Buddy, ya can't go to jail for what you're thinkin'" and that's as true today as it was way back then. If you're AT ALL attractive, you've been checked out thousands of times by just about every man you've ever met. Not likely that most of them would really try anything with you, (although I'm willing to bet that a few have definitely tried) but you can bet your life they're "thinkin'." Just a fact of life.

[lilmisscantbewrong]

Tiredgirl, do you know that there is a class of OM that are labeled as predator's.

 

 

They do not try and pick a woman on the spot. They have learned to recognize the weak on in the herd. They work they way to become friends getting the WW to step on to the slippery slope to an affair. Then to an EA, then a PA. They will be patient while working their prey through the steps to cheating. Even working on multiple women at the same time so they always have a harvest to reap.

 

 

They come across as gentlemen, polished, having class.

 

 

Hence the name s wolf in sheep's clothing.

 

 

So remember just because a guy does not cat call or drool when a hot girl walks by does not mean that he does not want to bang her.

 

 

Even if they wear a priests collar. For many a priest has been know to have a mistress. Even though they promised celibacy.

 

Road - this is the first post I have seen you write recently that I entirely agree with.

[katielee]

....then my husband is doing the same thing. That's reassuring

[thummper]

Seriously? That would be hard to walk around wanting to have sex with every attractive person of the sex you are attracted to...

 

Ummmmmmm.....well....not necessarily! Lotta guys' lives are sort of built around those very desires. Not really difficult at all. It's not like actually having sex all that many times, which is physiologically impossible for a man. But in your mind, oh yeah. NO PROBLEM AT ALL!

[krazikat]

My God this is troubling. It makes me feel dirty when a guy checks me out. Ewww..

 

Lol katielee that look that some get on their faces...that half smile that can be a little creepy...now you know what they are thinking as they give you that little smile....ha!

[katielee]

Ick and some of them are his friends..,,