blueberrymuffin Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 I'm not particularly experienced in picking up signals from guys, I NEVER know when they like me. I'm also wondering if I give off sufficient signals as guys never, ever ask me out. And I'm honestly not even exaggerating here. I met this guy through work about 6 months ago, although he has now moved. While we were working together it was pretty intense as it was working together every day on a project. We would all often go out after work, and would have lunch together. During these times we would frequently find ourselves somehow sitting together having fairly deep conversations and it honestly felt that there was nobody else in the room! In group discussions he always looked straight at me and talked as if only to me. There were other little instances where he went out of his way to spend time with me, going above what he needed to do in the office because he knew I would be the only person still there. He's told me so much about his life, his background etc. The sort of things you would tell someone you trusted. I just feel it runs so much deeper- that there is a genuine deep connection that I almost can't put into words. It's like we just 'get' each other. When he left I texted him and invited him to meet up with some colleagues (very good friends of mine). We spent the last part of the evening alone and talked until we were kicked out of the bar (in fact I was getting ready to leave earlier and he prolonged it by jumping up to get drinks). When we were walking back to the bus stop for the first time that night he seemed really preoccupied like he had something major on his mind! And when it came to parting he waved at me! I mean, come on!! I leant in and gave him a quick hug because it looked so awkward otherwise. I texted him the next day to tell him something that happened on the journey home, he sent one of those non-committal texts back, like 'yeah, that's hilarious' and nothing prolonging the convo. So I left it at that. He then texted me two weeks later, saying how he was going out of town on business and let's meet when he got back (but he didn't suggest it again with a concrete plan). Since then we texted a bit, mainly initiated by me, met up a couple of times, initiated by me asking him along to things I was doing with friends (his ex-colleagues) and he'd usually come along. The only time he sort of took initiative is when I got one colleague to invite him to her leaving drinks (he doesn't know I did that) and he asked me if I was going and then texted me that he would go as it would be good to see me. He has said things like 'you and me are just so on the same wavelength' and other things that make me think he likes me, mentioning what a great day he has had when we spent it together. Lately his texts are peppered with smiley faces and winks (never done before) and even a kiss once! He also seems to develop interests in things I like. Like he knows I love comedy, and then all of a sudden he likes comedy too. Although when I casually suggested we go to this specific comedy evening he took a day to respond and then said he couldn't go. I was going to be travelling to a country where he spent a long time in. He went through enormous effort to cook a dinner to give me a taste of what to expect but then invited 6 other people! What was interesting about the night was that although some of these people were his old friends I obviously knew more about his life than the others. But I can't help think if you like someone and go to the effort of cooking for them they might want to take the opportunity to see them alone? He then invited me to an event he was involved in in but when I got there he had invited another female friend! He spent half the evening with me, slightly distracted, then went to say hello to her (she had a friend with her). Some people sat down next to me where he had been sitting so he couldn't have come back but he ignored me for the rest of the evening! When it was over he still didn't even look in my direction. I went over to say I was leaving and he tried to engage me in conversation while I was standing putting my coat on, initiating something else every time I edged away. A few days later I got a text about something I'd told him about and he'd seen a poster for. I'm confused, on the one hand he goes through a lot of effort for me, but then when he has the opportunity to do something he doesn't. As a final note, I'm back from a little holiday I had and we arranged to meet up. I texted first saying 'I'm back and super tanned' he replied suggesting we meet to hear about it. I replied saying whenever is good for you I don't have too much on at the moment (I'm off from work for a couple of weeks). He invited me out next week to meet him near his work for lunch but I just think, here's an opportunity to have dinner, drinks, something that could seem romantic but he suggests lunch which to me equals something you do with friends. I mean it can only be 45 minutes to an hour tops, He obviously doesn't want to spend hours chatting to me right? I think I should say he is a decent guy and definitely not a player. (Although he does seem to have quite a few female friends) Does he like me and is not sure I feel the same way and doesn't know how to make a move? He's in his mid 30s so surely he's picked up some tips along the way of getting some guts and just asking a girl out. I personally think I've made it clear I like him by initiating most of the texts conversations, but I also know from what just about everyone has told me that I don't ever give off flirty, I really think you're hot signals. Sorry this is so long guys! The major part of me is kind of exasperated and wants to give up and find something easier, but something in me is just going what if he does like me but doesn't know what to do, thinks that I think of him as just a friend. I could be giving up on something amazing here.
nescafe1982 Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 A few mixed signals here... can't blame you for feeling confused. But you're doing a lot more pursuing than you should here. If he's timid, you pursuing him is going to scare him away. If he's not interested, you pursuing him is going to make him push away entirely. Pull back a little bit. Let him approach you for hangouts a bit more. If he likes you, he'll notice it, and ante up and chase you down a bit. If not, then maybe he's just a friend.
Thegreatestthing Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Any guy you have to pursue,text etc is not into you,if he was into you he'd be pursuing you.im sorry ,don't worry someone will really be into you one day.
D-Lish Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Sure he doesn't have a girlfriend he hasn't disclosed? That might explain a lot with regard to the mixed messages.
Author blueberrymuffin Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 Sure he doesn't have a girlfriend he hasn't disclosed? That might explain a lot with regard to the mixed messages. No, definitely no girlfriend. He told me a pointed story once about the last relationship he had, and how it hadn't had the best foundations for a successful relationship. I've even hinted at him being gay in a jokey way (I was totally convinced he was gay for the first few weeks I knew him) and he's been really emphatic like 'No way am I gay, I'm definitely not gay'! But I'm thinking you're all right, thanks guys for spelling it out. It's mixed signals, sure, but I guess ultimately he doesn't like me enough to ask me out.
Ok Good Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 He clearly likes you enough to want to hang out with you when you ask your problem is that you started things by being the initiator now you want him to switch roles with you and start the pursuing! since you have taken the more "active" role in things you have to follow through ask him out on a date and at the end of it (or even before it ends if you want ) give him a nice kiss If he doesn't really respond that is your CLEAR answer! the dynamic is set up so that you will probably always be the one to do the initiating and he will follow If you're ok with that then I say go for it!!
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