Maryhelen Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 i'm so confused and stressed out about my relationship's future (if there would be any), so you understand, i'v been with my boyfriend for three years now, the relationship was not really ever smooth or calming as we would fight almost every week but always make up. Recently, though, i have been pulling away from him, i can't stand the thought of screaming matches anymore, or crying, we rarely agree on anything and we can't seem to find our relationship's balance anymore (if we ever had one). I have recently found my self getting irritated by his acts and behavior, i avoid him and prefer to be alone than with him and can't seem to pull my self together to meet with him. Don't get any of what i'm saying wrong though, i care about him very much, he's not abusive nor manipulative , he's just a "child", he won't listen to me, or support me, or even understand my feelings, he would hurt me without realizing it , i would start a conversation with him explaining why i feel hurt and he would just go around and do it again. I'v grown sick of his behavior, i can't stand him anymore , neither i can i stand my self, he has been bringing out the worst of me these past 6 months and i can't handle this anymore. I have found my self day dreaming of imaginary scenarios where i'm free to fall in love with someone else and start all over again. I have spoken to him about my feelings about him and i have clearly stated to him that i cannot do this (the relationship) anymore, problem is that he can't let me go, he refuses to believe it and just says that we're meant for each other and that's that.I don't know what else i could do to make my self clearer seeing how i have been trying hard to make him understand that i have fallen out of love with him. I feel like i need to get away , i feel like i need to experience more things and be alone right now rather than in a smothering relationship, the spark has died, and so have my romantic feelings for him. Problem is, i can;t do it, i see his face when i try to bring up the topic and i see his eyes and just regret everything, i need a way out, i can't keep doing this to him, nor me.I'm unreasonably confused..
Confuddled1983 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 It seems to me like you've already made your mind up and are just looking for reassurance that it's the right decision? - because you're scared? You've given quite a lot of negatives - is there any positives at all? any reason to stay what-so-ever?
Author Maryhelen Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 It seems to me like you've already made your mind up and are just looking for reassurance that it's the right decision? - because you're scared? You've given quite a lot of negatives - is there any positives at all? any reason to stay what-so-ever? i'm not sure that i have made up my mind yet, i have, though, been thinking about breaking up for more than six months now, i just can't / won't do it, seems as if i can't find the courage to.
Confuddled1983 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 You're clearly not happy so something needs to change, maybe RC would help? It's certainly something you could try if both willing and it may help him see things differently. However if you've fallen out of love with him and can't see that changing then I think it'd be unfair to him and you to drag it out any longer.
Author Maryhelen Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 i know, and i agree, though, as i stated in the thread i have tried breaking up with him several times and each time he assures me that we can work things through , even though we never do. Other thing is , he has asked me to stay with him,as a favor, and try harder, even though i have told him that i don't want to and don't believe it's appropriate. I'm really afraid of hurting him , and my self, he appears obsessed,somewhat, and he can't see things clearly, despite our wreckage of relationship he has held my hand through difficult times and i would feel so unworthy if i just left him alone in this.
tlegend Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 i know, and i agree, though, as i stated in the thread i have tried breaking up with him several times and each time he assures me that we can work things through , even though we never do. Other thing is , he has asked me to stay with him,as a favor, and try harder, even though i have told him that i don't want to and don't believe it's appropriate. I'm really afraid of hurting him , and my self, he appears obsessed,somewhat, and he can't see things clearly, despite our wreckage of relationship he has held my hand through difficult times and i would feel so unworthy if i just left him alone in this. If you don't love him, tell him that. If you don't want to be with him, tell him that. It's that easy. The whole "I don't want to hurt him" is only prolonging what you are going to do anyway it seems. I'm sorry you were hurt in your relationship. That is unfortunate, but when you start daydreaming of other people rather than being in the present with his presence, its time to move on. If you can't break up with him face to face, then do it with a phone call. Try to avoid emails or texts, that's just low. It shows you have no character. If you truly loved this guy, and you are actually afraid of hurting him, wouldn't pretending to be in love and dragging the relationship further only hurt him worse? If he truly loves you, he would understand. And I'm willing to bet, he would still love you after telling him so.
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