annndyle Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Background - So I was with this girl for just under 7 years, we started dating since we were 17 and 19 respectively. She was my first serious relationship, I was her second. Obviously over the last 7 years we grew both as people & a couple, we created a tonne of memories which has created stability & a really comfortable environment which we both really value. There is no doubting that we love & care about each other a lot but recent events have changed her outlook on life & what she really wants in a partner. The issues starting popping up around the 5 year mark, I had just finished my degree & was offered a job far away, the job was far enough that I had to get a place during the week but I could come home on the weekend. Thinking back now the distance was really hard for her, but we thought it was possible at the time because it would give us an opportunity to do our own thing during the week & spend the weekends together, plus having been together 5 years we didn't think it was going to be much of a struggle as it was. Anyways 6 months later she took a 3 month trip to Europe with her cousin, for obvious reason I could not go because I just started this job. Basically she came back & had a different view on the future she wanted & the kind of partner she wanted to be with. To describe her she was always a very extroverted person, she is quiet a spontaneous individual who prides herself in having plenty of friends, she is also rather insecure, needy of attention, flirty & lacks control, basically she's one of those girls whose phone is going off non stop. I on the other hand am quiet introverted, I am rather quiet & shy, I prefer a good meal & a movie night in with close friends, I don't like stepping outside my comfort zone. I have been told I am quiet rigid & boring. We have always been very different from each other but managed to sustain the relationship because it clicked, was comfortable & easy. Basically her adventures in Europe has escalated these desires, she also met alot of guy friends (obviously being extra nice) which have influenced what she now wants in a partner, which I no longer fit. She is not by any stretch ugly or even average, so her flirty behaviour is always welcomed by other guys which is understandable. To emphasize her needy/flirty behaviour she did cheat on me with her ex very early in the relationship, I have made the point that early on the relationship when you should feel excited etc about a new relationship, she was so needy & hungry for attention she had to run off and cheat. I am not particular upset about the cheating but more so that fact that I had to find out about it from someone else. I feel this has set a platform on my part for the mistrust I feel toward her over the last 7 years which is probably not fair because you shouldn't hold onto something for that long. Fast forward - we are no longer officially together. She moved to the UK & has been there for the last 6-7 months. We talk regularly & I did visit her just this Christmas & New Years. We did manage to talk a lot about the problems in the relationship & what we were to do to make it work, we both have issues that we need to sort. The thing is she wasn't always like this bad, a part of me tells me that she is simply going through a phase in her life given she's had one partner for the last 7 years, half her twenties, and the other part is telling me she wont change. My recent visit to her in the UK has confirmed that she met a few guys whom she has had multiple flings & sexts. Having spoken to her about it, in her head she justifies its ok because we are not together, true but the way I see it is if you love someone which she still says to this day you don't disrespect them like that. There are multitude of other issues I haven't covered including how much of a **** person she thinks I am etc but I was wondering if I could get some advice, I don't want to give up on her because I know she has it in her to be like the partner I remember but is it too late, am I chasing a ghost? Any advice would be appreciated, thankyou. [/FONT][/sIZE]
mantlefan Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 My ex left me for my friend, and both of them covered it up until I asked my friend point-blank. I think you answered your own question when you seemed to realize that you are in love with who she USED to be. I want to believe that if we just work for it we will be great, but that is a pipe dream. I think it is the same for me with my ex. If you do decide not to pursue her, read the multiple great threads on here for No Contact.
ponchsox Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 You can't pursue what is not there. People change and circumstances do as well. When I do get married, everything will fall into place and it will be natural.
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